I want to enjoy my children this weekend and will try but finding it hard. Any advice ?

[Ox1987]

Mental issues.....

Its a lovely bank holiday weekend and yet I am really struggling with the mental side of it all. How do people cope I am sitting worried about everything....
I am with my 6m old smiling up at me beautifully and all I can think is poor child have we ruined your life...
I worry about how will we cope post IVA if it is approved I don't want credit cards but how will it impact us have people survived ok post IVA. I worry about the impact on jobs as I am a CIMA accountant. But I want and need to be debt free
I have to thank Mel, Tina and now Amie for helping me, I am a pain at times, but I need to get on with it.
I want to enjoy my children this weekend and will try but finding it hard.
Any Advice ??? I may have to come and see you all on the 13th July, especially if I have had good news

[ginger323232]

OX - at 6 months old and Infant,needs three things, warmth,food and lots of love - they are not interested is the material things. So at 6 months old how could you have ruined they lives??

Enjoy your time with you children as they are - you will soon be packing them off to University - if you give them the three things mentioned above - you will set them up to be caring /loving individuals - what more you you want from them ?

[Foggy]

Agree totally with Ginger. My youngest, Little Foggy, or is that Fogglet, is 6 and totally unaware that he is living on a budget

I must admit that the feeling of losing that "credit card cushion" was a bit unnerving at first, but you do soon get used to it. We have many, many poster on here that re-visit after their IVA and tell us how well they are coping after the IVA has completed.

Of course, all of us IN IVA's are living proof that it CAN be done. OK some of us have little blips to negotiate, but we generally manage.

It takes a bit of practice, but can be done ... try to compartmentalise your life. Put life in one box, work in another and the IVA in a third. Then, open each box only as and when required.

I used to be a workaholic (wouldn't think it to look at me now) and did learn to compartmentalise work and home, away from each other. I am now an expert at it and when I shut down my work computer my job ceases to exist. I have also done this with my IVA and don't allow it to intrude upon family life. I simply have a budget to live to, the reasons are not relevant.

You have not ruined your kid's lives. What you ARE doing is taking positive steps to make sure you can provide for them in the long term. A bit of discomfort along the way is par for the course.

[Ox1987]

I just think to much and worry that the IVA will not be accepted as its a F&F and the 3 kids are ny main priority but I have to work to provide

I love them to bits but cant stop thinking about the debts when the boys just want a game of football

[Foggy]

Count your blessings Ox. I have M.E and often can't have a game of football with mine. The sun is still shining, get off the computer and play football

I cut the grass this morning and now is my "payback time", which is why I am on here

[ginger323232]

I have to admit - when you up to your neck in dog poo -its a bit difficult to feel positive about things - you got a great IVA team working for you, you have done the hard bit - accepting there a problem. IN a few weeks this will be sorted and you can move on - but in the meantime spend the quality time with you family this bank holiday

[Ox1987]

It rained so could not do ours I just worry too much I think its a personailty fault but just have my 3 kids and dont what our mistakes and misfortune to ruin their lives and also we all se so much bad preaa about IVAs when all we are doing is tryibg to resolve it
Are they really that bad ....

[Ox1987]

Dog poo ehhh

[Foggy]

NO, Ox, IVA's, per se, aren't bad. They can be run by bad (or unhelpful) firms, and can be badly drafted ( which Will give you, I guess, a bad IVA). However, the majority of companies, certainly those on this forum, use protocol compliant IVA's, so they are drafted in much similar ways ( allowing for individual circumstances), some firms, even on here, are better than others in implimenting these IVA's.

My old English master would go mad at that atrocious sentence!

Anyway .... all that apart, you have one of the best teams working for you, so you have NO worries on that score.

Factor in the fact that many of those who enter an IVA seem not to know what they have agreed to and often then get a nasty surprise when something, quite normal in an IVA, crops up, of which they were unaware and don't like.

The disenchanted make the most noise!

Of course, you will be well aware of the current problems surrounding PPI and some firms closure delays. Again the team you have chosen is well ahead of these transitory problems.

It rained here earlier, but, unfortunately dried up, so I had to do it ( the grass).

[abbiesmum2003]

Ox ive got three kids and a mortgage and me and hubby both work. Our child care is more than our mortgage but we both have to work. My youngest is just 11 weeks old, then i have a 9 year old and a 4 year old. They havent a clue we are on a budget because weve never spilt them or showered them with stuff. My eldest went back to school in january and all her friends had iphones/ipads she didnt. Yes i felt guilty but then why does a 9 year old need a phone??
Kids need time, love, stability and attention. That costs nothing. Youve established job is safe so get the proposal drafted and present to creditors. You arent ruining kids lives. If anything you will make it better as stress from paying debts removed (hopefully!). They are young and will likely be oblivious to iva! You arent finding costs for nights out/cars/driving lessons/expensive school trips. My eldest goes swimming lessons but thats budgeted for. When the other 2 want a club we will have to sort that out at the time.
People do survive IVA. they are on here posting about it! Im not worried about after lufe because its going to be better than life has been the last 8 years shifting debt from one place to snother and living in an OD!! Im not worrying about credit rating afterwards because its gonna be better than it was/is now.
Your children will be fine Ox. keep things in perspective. You could be a hell of a lot worse off.

[Ox1987]

Thanks guys I just worry about it all get all hot and flustered and have panic attacks

I am hoping it gets accepted so we can move on and settle down
Its ok at the moment as the boys only wish is the odd 50p pack of football cards they are gking mad for them at moment and its cheap

I just get paranoid at every little thing and dont have anyone to talk about it to truthfully other than the wife as we have not told real friends about the true extent and the ones we did discuss I have not seen

[MrsKnight]

Hi ox, please enjoy your baby, their not babies for long.... And your debt won't last forever, especially as your addressing your debts & are on your way to being debt free.
We have just come to the end of our IVA... My boys are now 8 & 10, we also had our daughter during the IVA & she's 16 months now. The one positive impact on my children (the boys) through the IVA, is they have been learning about the value of money & where to save money! They regularly hunt out the bargains accept that something will be cheaper after its just come out (games n consoles). They have never suffered always got what we thought was appropriate & appreciate what they get. I won't says its been easy, we have gone without to ensure they don't, within reason mind!

Your just at the beginning of making your life & your children's a whole lot better x

[abbiesmum2003]

Well said Mrs Knight!

[Ox1987]

Thanks Guys

I just worry about too many what ifs and the current limbo position as things are being worked on makes me nervous, also getting emails reminders from creditors are upsetting me and I almost break and pay thus stretching the tight budget etc

I just want the 2 boys and girls to enjoy their childhood no need to be spoiled, it is my eldest birthday this week and then his first holy communion on the 19th, these things he will always remember but he has a super stressed dad who should also be enjoying the time but finding it hard

Its the thought of losing the house and car on iva clauses though have been told these are standard

[MrsKnight]

Hi ox - your with the best IP firm, after being a poster on here for nearly 5 years, I'm 100% confident you are in excellent hands. Ignore those emails from creditors, forward them into Melanie's team & delete them. You are addressing your debts which is more than they can ask for.

Your children will have the child hood they deserve,, it may not be Disney land Florida type holidays every year, but as a family you will pull together & be stronger for it. Please don't think you are punishing your children through the IVA a you will only be punishing yourself.

It takes a tremendous amount of courage to address debt & especially with a young family, but once it's begun, you have a target to get to & grow within it & come out the other side with a totally different prospective on life x