Lilly, you are so right! No, one here will ever understand your personal circumstances. Feelings around debt is an individual reaction. And you were also correct in stating there is a lot of poor advice out there regarding how to manage one's debt problems.
Interesting, your lovely mother passed away unexpectedly. My father passed away in the late 1990's; and I was devasted. He was a good decent man. Never in debt. Paid his mortgage off. Paid bills on time and raised his children to do the same. So, here I am today petitioning for a BR. All I have been thinking is, ''My father must be rolling in his urn over this!''
What has kept me sane is thinking about the differences between his
society and our society today. They could not go into debt as we did today. Either the income was not high enough or the debt culture mentality was non-existant. The buy now pay later schemes did not exist. They did not have IVAs and BR was a mortal sin. So, people tended to be frugal and go without until they could save for what they needed. Notice the word 'need'.
Today, our wants have become needs. Credit is widely available to give us instant access to our wants. Our incomes are higher, so we can be lent more. To own a home 4,5,even 6 times your salary is often required to obtain a mortgage. Not in my parent's day. They bought homes based on what they could afford; and it was based on the man's salary.
So, what does all of this have to do with this topic? Probably nothing, then maybe something for all of us in debt to consider. For me I had to accept, I made the debt, I have to pay the debt. My father may not be pleased if he was alive today, but at the end of the day it's MY life and I have to make the best decisions for MY family just as he did for HIS family.
Same with YOU. You have to make the best decisions for YOU and YOUR family even though your mother may have disapproved. It's life isn't it, Lilly (sigh). And we just have to muddle through it the best way we can;and hope and pray that the mud does not stick weighing down our spirits and emotions. Our parents didn't have crystal balls to view our futures. They did the best they could with what they had for us just as we tried to do for our children. I do believe they(your mother, my father) will rest peacefully with that fact.
So, my sister in debt, continue to make those choices that benefit you and yours because...who else will?
I shall leave you with a joke to add some cheer to your day.Q: Why did the penguin refuse a BR? Drumroll please! A: He didn't want his 'ass'ets frozen.
All I have left is my humour.
