IVA Stress!!!!

[debbiw]

Hiya everyone

Been thinking about an IVA for a while now. I have £35k of unsecured debt, ie credit cards, loans etc.. but to make matters worse my husband knows nothing about these.. I am so ashamed, and cannot tell him, as he will hit the roof.
I have contacted Payplan, who looked at my case, and said i would be able to pay back 44p/£ with an IVA. Does anyone know if this sounds OK?

I have £340 a month that i could pay into an IVA, and I have started sending my paperwork to payplan. What happens next?

I have always kept up my minimum payments to my creditors, so stopping paying them altogether seems strange. I am not in arrears with any, but i have got to the stage where i am robbing peter to pay paul now, and I need to sort it out, as everything is being paid by credit..

Can anyone give me some advise, as I feel at rock bottom. What do I do if the IVA is rejected?

[MelanieGiles]

Hi debbiw and welcome to the forum

You will struggle to get an IVA without your husband's knowledge, as you will need to confirm details of his income and personal expenditure to your prospective IP.

Your husband's surplus income will generally be expected to also be offered to creditors, on the basis that they will feel that he has benefitted from the borrowins. What were the debts taken out for, and what advice has the company you are using given you on this point?

Without his knowledge, it will be difficult for you financially to cover his surplus income as well as your own.

Regards, Melanie Giles, Insolvency Practitioner for over 20 years.

To have me propose an IVA for you, please visit:
http://www.melaniegiles.com/ivaEnquiry.asp

See customer feedback at:
http://www.iva.com/iva_companies/IVA_Advice_Bureau.asp

[debbiw]

Hi Melanie,

I am at the early stages of this, so maybe i don't really understand any of it yet. The debts are credit cards, loans, which are years old, but with interest rates going up and up, and recently changing my job, and other expenses cropping up i am struggling to keep on top of everything.

[MelanieGiles]

Hi Debbie

I can understand your position, and that it why it is vital from an early stage to get appropriate advice about your situation from the professionals you have appointed to act for you.

Your IP seems to have worked out the dividend available to creditors, without taking account of any of the issues I have raised above. You mention that the debts are old ones - do they relate to a period prior to your marriage, and what were they originally taken out for? Has your husband benefitted from any of the borrowings, and does he have any debts of his own?

Regards, Melanie Giles, Insolvency Practitioner for over 20 years.

To have me propose an IVA for you, please visit:
http://www.melaniegiles.com/ivaEnquiry.asp

See customer feedback at:
http://www.iva.com/iva_companies/IVA_Advice_Bureau.asp

[johnz]

Hi Debbie

I was in the same position 5 weeks ago. My husband knew nothing about my debts. Telling him and living with the consequences these past few weeks is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.

But I would agree with Melanie. You have to tell him. The stress of keeping this secret will eventually cause problems in your marriage, if it's not doing so already.

Keep talking to Melanie. She's been wonderful to me. Even though I can't get an IVA, I haven't been abandoned, and one of her staff phoned me today to find out how I was doing.

With a secret like this, you can feel so alone. And while I know it will be very difficult for you, you have to get it out in the open, so you can start dealing with things realistically.

I wish you all the best.

Johnz

[debbiw]

Hi Johnz
Thanks for your wisdom. I will pluck up the courage to speak to him shortly, but i am absolutley dreading it. He doesn't like credit, and is a total cash man, so he's gonna go mad.

[debbiw]

Hi Melanie

We have a joint bank account, and I have been able to keep up minimum payments because of this.
I understand i will have to tell him. The debts are all in my name, he doesn't have any debts, as he beleives that everything should be paid by cash, and not credit.
To be honest i can't even remember what i've spent it on, but now i am robbing peter to pay paul alot, which is adding to my problem.
I haven't spoke to an IP as yet, I have just spoke to one of the payplan team, as i am at the early stages of looking into it.
They worked out the 44p/£ almost straight away, which they said the creditors would probably approve.

[johnz]

My husband is the same. I'll admit I was a bit of coward and asked my Dad to be there when I told him. That way it ensured that he had time to let it sink in before he went nuts about it. I don't deal with arguments well, and having a third party there to keep things under control helped.

It wasn't easy. He walked out and drove around for a while to calm himself down. And there have been arguments. The hardest thing to overcome is your own personal pride. Restrictions will be set. And getting past the "I'm an adult, how dare you tell me what I can and can't do" feelings can be very difficult. But at the end of the day you have to recognise that you have lied to the one person who trusted you the most. That trust will not be given back any time soon.

It sounds harsh, but respect and trust is not a right. You have to earn it. And, like me, you will have to prove that you deserve it.

Bite the bullet and get it done. Then you can start repairing the damage. Waiting will just make it worse.

I check the forum most days, so if you need to talk, you know where I am.

Good luck, mate.

Johnz

[debbiw]

Oh Johnz, stop it, I nearly cried when i read your last post. You sound so much like me..
I will tell him, honest, I just need to pick my moment..
Have you got an IVA sorted? How much did you owe, and if so, what did you propose to pay back in the £.
I hope you and your hubby are OK now.

[MelanieGiles]

Hi debbiw

Do you know that I have dealt with many people in your situation over the years - some have told me that their partners will divorce them, some that they will get violent, some that they will hit the roof, but only on very rare occasions have I ever had a client who has been proven correct.

The majority of partners are completely supportive and understanding, with the general message that "why didn't you tell me before now I could have helped." You do need to pick the right moment, but I would try and do this as soon as possible so that you can both think about what is the right thing to do.

Very best of luck to you.

Regards, Melanie Giles, Insolvency Practitioner for over 20 years.

To have me propose an IVA for you, please visit:
http://www.melaniegiles.com/ivaEnquiry.asp

See customer feedback at:
http://www.iva.com/iva_companies/IVA_Advice_Bureau.asp

[lily]

Hi debbie

Just wanted to say good luck with telling him, I think Johnz is spot on, how would you feel if he was hiding somthing from you?? Or he was suffering in silence like you are. You have the full suppot of this forum, so will he, Youre doing the right thing and after the intitial shock you will feel so much better for being totally honest with him. We all make mistakes, youre trying to face yours. Be proud of yourself for that.

lily

[bagpuss]

just wanted to wish you luck....not quite the same but we felt like this about telling our parents....and just like Melanie said the only thing that upset them was why we hadnt told them sooner so they could have helped us before it got the stage where it was too much to help.

Thing is with men...they like to fix things...and when they reaslise this cant be fixed they panick...and this comes out in anger...i am sure he will feel better as although you are telling him there is a problem, you will also be telling him that you may have found a solution.

best of luck xx

Angie xx


My IVA Story......http://bagpuss.blogs.iva.co.uk/2007/09/ ... iva-story/

[R1chard]

i felt the same telling my girlfriend, i thought she would think "oh what a loser" and walk away from me...

infact she was quite the opposite - and then told me about her debts and such.

if anything, it made us more of a team.

58 PAYMENTS TO GO..

[debbiw]

Hi

Does anyone know what happens if your IVA is rejected. What options have you got after. I don't want to loose my house.
My creditors are:
MBNA, Monument, Barclaycard, Barclays Loan, Cahoot, Egg,
Does anyone know if any of these normally vote in favour or not. I would be offering 44/£ of £35k of debts.

[tracy.h]

Be strong Debbie,i know right now it seems every thing is so messed up but you have taken such a big step forward in trying to sort your problems out.You really do need the support from your husband to get through this.
Ok he will probably be upset and maybe shout but if he loves you and im sure he does when he looks at the situation he will support you,and then you will be in a much stronger position to deal with your iva.Its another big step but you have taken the first in your own time take the next one.
We will always be here to support you regardless to what desision you make,i just know from personal experience with out mypartners support i would not cope.
Good luck keep posting let us know how you get on xx