Just needing some tea and sympathy

[elizabethr]

Sorry for the title - I think its a "well known phrase or saying" - was going to put tlc but got that really.

I am feeling quite positive about things now thanks to all your support and to the fact that I am going ahead and getting IVA sorted hopefully which will take the stress out of life. However I can't help feeling down at times, its the "I shouldn't be in this situation at my stage of life" and feeling a bit resentful. I know there are a lot of positives in life and I am always the first one to look for those but I feel very much that I have worked all my life (38 years nearly now) and always lived up to my responsibilities so its hard accepting the fact that things shouldn't have come to this. Its been very hard for me not to wallow in self pity for a moment - I had two rubbish marriages then met my "knight in shining" armour. However he became ill not long after we married and I have been financial earner, 24 hour counsellor to him and my elder daughter (who was bullied at school and now has depression), 24 hour carer most of the time plus most of the general chores - so you see I can't help feeling "there must be more to life than this". I know everyone on here has down moments but I really am struggling with the responsibility of it all and I feel really bad that I can't sort this one out know without going the "financial arrangement" route. I can see the positive in this though because at least the pressure is now off me to pay the bills [:(!]

[Beans on Toast]

This forum is here for you to have a little "pressure release" Elizabeth. You have a lot on your plate and it must be a dark place for you at times.

Once you get the financial side back on track, I'm sure the relief will boost you to focus on the other problems you are having.

We only had the finance problem, family trouble as well must be really pushing you to your limits. Keep thinking positive and I'm sure you will come through this and be able to look back on it with pride - not guilt.

Have a good bank holiday and hope you end the day feeling a bit better [:)]

[OPTIMIST12]

Elizabeth -

Your post is perfectly understandable. I am 15 months into my IVA yet still frequently get feelings that I will never manage to complete it. Dont keep thinking about the past - we are where we are - and an IVA does give people a great second chance.

I hope you will set your mind to the future and see things through. I have none of the family problems you describe so cant relate to that - BUT - finances are such an important part of life that - if they are on course - it is a big pressure release for any other problems.

Good Luck!!!!

[angela18]

oh elizabeth hope you feel better in yourself soon.. don't feel guilty about your financial problems.. you've got help now so try not to worry about it.

i know sometimes when you are carer and supporter things must get you down, thats where we come into it.. we are always here to lend an ear or just to let you let off steam..

chin up and enjoy your weekend.. try and have a long bath and a little you time x

[freelili]

Hi Elizabeth

I cant help but think you need someone to care for you right now. I know its a relief to get the financial stuff sorted but sometimes that relief is short lived and you begin to realise what the hell you have coped with for such a long time.

Have you considered or thought about some counselling for yourself, or a visit to the GP? I was/am in a similar situation being a carer for my autistic kids and after a bereavement I couldnt cope,I could not see any light and didnt want to look forward for fear of more stress, actually felt like a fear of life itself. Anyhow, my GP suggested a visit to MIND and it really helped. You need to believe youre strong and you are, to care and cope for this long but youre not a machine. Give yourself time to adjust to this new IVA life style and tell yourself its all worth it because it is.

I hope this helps, good luck.

[facingittogether]

HI ELIZABETH

JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT YOU SOUND LIKE AN AMAZING, BRAVE AND CARING LADY! YOU HAVE SUCH A LOT TO CONTEND WITH, NO WONDER YOU HAVE DOWN TIMES!

HOPEFULLY YOUR IVA WILL BE SORTED SOON AND AT LEAST THAT WILL BE A WEIGHT OFF YOUR SHOULDERS!

LIKE FREELILLI SAYS DO YOU THINK YOU COULD PERHAPS BENFIT FROM SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP?

LIKE ANG SAYS TRY TO HAVE SOME ME TIME, EVEN IF ITS ONLY A LONG SOAK IN THE BATH WITH A NICE GLASS OF WINE!

NHOPE YOU ARE FEELING A BIT BETTER SOON!

BARB X

[kallis3]

Elizabeth, I hope you are feeling better just for getting things off your chest. It's great that this forum is here to help cheer people up.

Perhaps you would benefit from some counselling as you seem to have too much on your plate.

I am sure your IVA will be sorted out and you can get some relief from the financial pressures of life.

[debtfreesusie67]

Hi Elizabeth you don't want my tea it's crap. I understand some of what you're going through with the carers side of it. I'm my dads carer and sometimes I just feel like screaming. That's where friends and this forum come in handy. I don't think I would have survived without this forum. I hope being able to share has taken some of the pressure of and always try and get some me time. I didn't and cracked. Sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts.

[angela18]

Elizabeth.. you said on another post your husbands name was Philip.. you are not THE elizabethr are you??[:)]

Only joking, hope you're feeling better soon..

[elizabethr]

Thanks for all your support - yes I am doing most of the suggestions and thats why I know it will be ok in the end - I do see the positive. Am getting some me time and I am getting a drink or two in there. As for counselling yes I am up for that and I can get that through work without too much wait. I have been putting it off because just when I think about making the call I feel ok and I think I have managed it get through on my own but I haven't really. I will make that call this week.

Thanks all for listening - hope to meet some of you soon.

[angela18]

i think sometimes just getting things off your chest, with somebody not connected in anyway.. is the best medicine.. try the counselling it may just do the trick..

[facingittogether]

I KNOW ANG! VERY STRANGE!

HOPE YOU ARE OK!

BARB X

[angela18]

I'm fine barb.. had a few low days last week, but think just tired.. had my nephew sleepover he's 3 going on 23.. he always cheers me up.. feeling alot better now.. hope you're ok

[freelili]

Make the call elizabeth, it will help you. If you ever want to talk off board my email address is available.

[elizabethr]

Ang - I could be "the" elizabeth - I am married to Philip and I am Elizabeth R - have two dogs but not corgis!!!!!!![:o)]