living with my shame and stupidity

[kallis3]

That's so sad.

Melanie will sort you out, and I totally echo what she has just said.

[Max]

I am a praticing Catholic (the old fashioned type) let me assure you that because you could not afford flowers makes no difference - it is your intention that counts - your daughter will know that. Hope you do not mind me commenting on such a private matter but guilt is a cancer of the soul and mind. J

[Julie]

Hi Neil - I'm glad you've found support from the forum and have made the all important step of facing up to the debt. We all know its not easy but with the right IP and support from us lot if you need it, you'll get there.

Try not to beat yourself up about the flowers, I'm sure your daughter wouldn't want you to feel ashamed. Focus on the flowers you'll be able to buy when you're on your way to being debt free.

Good luck xx

[na70]

thanks everyone for your nice comments.

such a great place to get things off your mind.

never ever thought there could be so many nice people all in the same place at the same time.

lucky and glad to have found you all,early night for me,im just drained.

[Julie]

Hope you had a good night sleep Neil. It can be draining at the beginning of the process, getting all the paperwork together etc, but as the song goes "things can only get better".....I won't sing it, not with my voice [:D]

xx

[na70]

had a half decent nights sleep,first time in ages.

went through the process of providing details and have started to gather up all the required documents.

got a new bank account sorted yesterday although it only comes with a solo card (ulster bank) hope thats acceptable to most retailers (tesco etc)

have arranged house valuation but they are not available until next monday but i think i have everything else in place,will get it all posted off asap.

been thinking about the impact of the iva on my living expenses and to be honest i have been living very frugally this last 3 or 4 months as i had been using my credit cards to pay off each other so i think at least my mindset is right.

just need to be ruthless in my expenditure and what money i can put away for xmas for my son will be a priority.

looking forward to a better life...

[Skippy]

Hi Neil, I know I'm a bit late but welcome to the forum! I'm glad you're feeling more positive, and you are right to be as you're in safe hands with Mel.

I'm so sorry about your daughter, but please don't beat yourself up about the flowers. I can only repeat what the others have said, your daughter wouldn't want you to worry about it.

Regarding Christmas for you son - have you thought about registering with some websites and doing online surveys? You usually get paid in vouchers, which you can use to buy presents. Some of us use cash back websites as well for things like insurance renewals and internet shopping. Sometimes it's only pennies, but it all adds up!

Good luck, and please keep posting xxx

[Julie]

Glad you're feeling more positive Neil.

I have a solo card and never had any probs with it being accepted. As a back up though I have a pre-paid card which is visa.

Use online surveys etc like Skippy says and there's always ebay to sell/bag a bargain. You'll be surprised what you can find when you have to shop around and I've found I put more thought into presents now that we're on a budget.

[na70]

thanks for the welcome/support everyone.

next stage for me is waiting while my statement of affairs is compiled by Tina and passed to Melanie for review to see if she can represent me.

really hoping that i have a valid case for IVA.

fingers crossed.

in meantime i have minimised my outgoings,cancelled sky,sold what i can on ebay and what i couldnt i gave to charity.

had a belated spring cleaning of house and taken stock of what i have and where i am in life.

and i echo what swans girl says,id rather spend ages finding a present/gift for someone that is just right rather than simply buy an expensive item,far more satisfying to do that i think for all concerned.

did something last night i havent done in ages was just turn everything of and lie on sofa and listen to some music.

found a really nice song 'return to innocence' by enigma put it on repeat play and listenened to it for ages.

maybe not to everyones taste,but a really meaningful song to me.

[fingerscrossed]

Hi Neil,

Like many on here, bouncing off credit cards was the way I lived since my husband leaving me a few years ago and me wanting to try and provide everything for my young family, my head head came out from the sand in May when I had just been paid and realised I only had the food in the house and £100 on on credit card to last me the whole month.

I have now paid 3 of my IVA payments and I am enjoying the simpler things in life, my dog is walked for hours on end rather tahn me dwelling over life, I enjoy shopping around, and with advice from here I saved myself a massive amount on my car. I have started buying for Christmas bits for my children and already told family that we are not trapsing around the country this Christmas in the hope to save on petrol!!
I have discovered reading again too and that a long soak in the bath and some me time when my children are at their dads is a real feal good factor.

I do feel that the discovery of this site and my IVA has been the best thing I have done in a long time and is making me a better person from it!

I wish you all the luck in the world Neil

Deex

[na70]

there is no doubt that this site has proven to be the turning point for me.

was so stressed and worried that every time i was in company of family/friends i had to put a massive act on to disguise my real feelings.

just went for a run this morning and have to say it was great to get out and clear my head.

always loved reading but will stay away from tescos half price books and hit the local library.

simple changes make big differences...

[kallis3]

I am so glad you are feeling better Neil - you certainly sound more positive.

I used to spend loads on books, now I use the library all of the time - can read what I want and costs me nothing.

[Julie]

Glad you sound more positive Neil - there is an allowance for the basic sky package in an IVA.

I am a regular at my local library - on 1st name terms with the staff now....secretly want to be a librarian...ooooh to be surrounded with all those books [:I]

Keep the positive thoughts going xx

[kallis3]

But you wouldn't be allowed to sit and read them though Julie![:D]

I always buy my library a box of biccies at Christmas as they are great and we have been using them for 20 years now and the staff are great.

[Julie]

Our library had a makeover a while back and is now called " a life centre"...[:D]