Mental illness behind Debt problem?

[Viki.W]

Oh Marie, it's funny but really sad. This thread must bring back memories for you. Strange it's in the news now. Viki X

[MelanieGiles]

Thank you for sharing that experience with us Becky. I had a client with bipolar disorder and she had bought 10 buy to let properties in the same apartment block Cardiff without realising what she was doing. Ended up £2.8m in debt, by trying to get out of difficulty by taking expensive bridging loans.

Fortunately her parents brought her in to see me and we were able to do something for her, but I will never forget how scared she looked when she began to recognise what she had done.

[cat 1]

well said Becky.Brilliant post.Cat

[Moneystinks]

Exactly what I was trying to say Becky well said and I am glad you are feeling well!

That was the difference I was trying to get at comfort spending and spending through manic episodes.

Mum rang me tonight and said 'I know you think I'm barking but I have bought another pair of glasses nd need you take them back for me' This is her 4th pair in 3 weeks. We laugh cause other wise we will be fed up and cry. No doubt she will be stood outside the store laughing at me trying to get the cmpany to give us a slight refund. Thank god she is just mildly manic at the mo. I'm not sure I'm ready for her lows at the minute - we all cope.

Good luck Becky and keep posting......X

[rockbottom]

hi moneystinks
if your story wasnt true it would actually be funny, i think its a good job you have such a gsoh and a positive nature or you might crack up, can i just ask did your mum need a pushchair and do people with bipolar just buy anything .

rockbottom

[Moneystinks]

I don't really think you can generalise. My sister has a young child so I can only presume that is why she bought it. My mum even laughs about it.
I think each person is different, my mum buys anything - luckily I have a thick skin. I have a wobble every now and again which is major - total meltdown (poor Melanie has witnessed one of these on my first phonecall to her lol, I got 2 words out and I was gone!).

There is a lot of history between my mum and I before the Bi polar surfaced. I am the one that dealt with her illness via tough love. I was the one that told her to pull herself together etc.
I had home tuition 6 hrs a week and stayed at home with her etc etc.
I now only get phonecalls when something has gone wrong. I cannot mention the amount of times I have had to leave work and sort things out. Then last year out of the blue she presented with Bi Polar - horrendous!
I basically rightly or wrongly tell her how I see it - good or bad. She has actually said that when I start glossing over the truth to protect her she will give up! So even when it is killing me I always, always tell her what I feel.
She has damaged her left basal ganglier (can't spell it) it is the part of the brain that deals with your behaviour, this was through countless strokes. If I really step outside the box and look at her and what she has been through she is actually amazing!

[rebecca2809]

Hi Marie

I admire the way that you describe how you cope with your mother. Families become experts and find their own way of managing with their loved ones and some find that the direct approach is the best, although it might not always go down well at the time at least the person knows where they stand. I think that the impact on families / those close to poeple who experience mental health problems is not always recognised and although mental health services are supposed to ensure that carer's needs are assessed, in practice I'm sorry to say this does not always happen. Having said that I have been aware of some very good support for carers.

[MelanieGiles]

A Mum is one of the most precious possessions we have - and Marie you are an inspiration in sharing your story with us. I am sure that your Mum loves you very much.

[Viki.W]

Oh Marie, it's sounds like you really know what's best for your mum, that is lovely and I really admire you. So sorry that you and your mum have had to deal with this. I hope it helps that you have everyone on here to talk to about it, especially as so many have been through or are going through the same. I honestly had never heard of this until the odd celebrity was diagnosed. It really sounds awful for the person and their family. Thinking of you and everyone, Viki X

[Moneystinks]

The wider family don't understand and I am now outcast - their loss. My aunt critisized us/me for telling docs that we would not have her home until she improved slightly and until we had support at home. When she came home mum rang me in a state - I seized my opportunity came out of work - again......took her to my aunts and asked her to keep her company until I had finished work. Within the hour my aunt was on the phone completely stressed begging me to pick her up - I didn't. I made her cope like we had been doing for weeks on end. I know it sounds cruel but it was the only way to make her see. Now she is the only one of her 4 sisters that understands.
Hey Viki do you know the hospital trolleys they put you on in A&E - I love those. Whenever mum gets taken in i amalways messing wih the button and levers - the ones that you clearly shouldn't touch. i have nearly sent her flying a few times lol......... She just laughs now or tells the docs she use the chair......wheel chairs too.....I am surprised I have not been banned from the local hospital hee hee...


Thanks everyone, as you have probably gathered I wear my heart on my sleeve and sometimes over share - depends on my mood, it just seems that people on here have far more than debt problems going on the debts are minor compared to some of the problems that have recently been shared - I for one feel better for sharing!

Thanks[:I]

[angela18]

Marie.. the best way to wear your heart is on your sleeve. I think you are fantastic. My mam suffers from depression, she has good days and bad days, but touch wood things aren't to bad. She does drive you insane when she's poorly, she tries to buy things for you (hence why she knows nothing of the IVA as she would sell my dad). Its like an approval seeking motion she goes through. My mam has alot of issues with her childhood re bullying from family etc. Its quite sad, as we love our mam and it hurts when she's down, but we just let her know we are there (even though she can be quite nasty sometimes)

You only get one mam and you should cherish her!!

[Moneystinks]

Angela, I would love to see my dad's reaction if my mum tried to sell him lol[:D]
This is a possibility though - he should be scared very scared![:D]

I hope your mum remains stable for you. I know what you mean with regards the nasty bits[:(]

Hope you are all okay X

[angela18]

thanks Marie.. my mam seemed to go down hill when my little girl started school.. as if she had nothing to do or live for and she seemed to start off being nasty about everyone then being like a nosey neighbour!! she has bad days but the good ones out weigh them..

[Moneystinks]

It is a real strain when they appear to become ill because of something linked to you i.e. your daughter starting school etc. It is good that you can recognise that she is unwell. Not everyone does and ultimately this causes a huge amount of problems. She is very lucky to have you and your family and I am glad she has more good days than bad. When she is having a bad day and it's taking it's toll feel free to get in touch....It always helps me to get it off my chest - I use this as a coping mechanism, most of the time it works. XX

[angela18]

thanks marie