My mum.....

[MrsKnight]

Hey all not really said much about my parents but today the GP called in after months of begging my Dad for me to call them.
I can't begin to explain on just how bad she's got, but it's finally dawned on Dad to get some help.
I'm glad the GP came she knows us all well & I had the chance to really explain what's been going on, social services & the mental health team are going to be involved for support.
My dads worried about being accused of some form of neglect but you can't force a person to do things, especially not with dementia that's now progressed to altzimers.

I feel really bad it's come to this but I know it's just part of the illness & I can't cope on my own anymore in trying to support them. I feel like I've let them both down.
My dad bless him spends as frugally as we all do in IVA, just so there something left to help us get a house when there gone, I feel so guilty.

Very bad day for me today.

[dunkynuts]

I know it must be upsetting for you Lynds,but a least your Dad has began to accept it all which must be a relief for you and can help you move forward with the best care available for your Mum xxx

[footiemad]

It's very sad Lyns and so hard to cope with. My father in law had the same illness and it was a huge struggle to cope. Sending you lots of hugs x

[Shining]

lyns I sincerely hope that the mental health team do support your parents. The mental health team in our local only let down my MIL in my opinion but that doesn't mean you and your family won't get the support in place that is required.

x

[MrsKnight]

I needed to let it out somewhere thank you, the last few years have been a nightmare, I'm hoping now we can get some help.

Lesley thank you, but I know what you mean, mum was under the care of the mental health team for the elderly this time last year. I was obviously going through my own problems with the pregnancy at the time & couldn't over see it. They let both my mum n dad down & it's taken all this time to convince my dad to get help again, and the fact mum has deteriorated so badly. I told the GP everything & she didn't need to be reminded of where I was.
It's unfortunate that my dad feels that doctors are more superior than him but I would of told them they were wrong. I'm not going to let it happen again x

[luluj]

So glad you are receiving some help..it is very difficult to ask for help, as we all know, and now that your dad has done so here's hoping the support offered will be enough to help you all. You know we are all here Lyns if you need us x

[MrsKnight]

Thank you Liz, I feel very sad about it all, I wanted to act sooner but I wanted my dads permission first.

I explained to the GP that mum has become an empty vessel, a lost soul. My Dad feels the same, He's lost his wife & I've lost my Mum.

Not a good day at all x

[lulu123]

Hi MrsKnigth. I work with people with dementia and I absolutely adore my job. I just want to say to you: please, please do not feel guilty or that you let your parents down. Dementia is a very cruel illness that progress in diferent ways for different people and normally the relatives sufer as mutch or even more than the patient himself.
Maybe your Dad was in a bit of a denial up to now. It is very dificult to accept that the person that you love and lived with for 40/50 years has changed so mutch. Please reassure him that he wont be accused of any neglect at all, the professionals involved will be able to see that he is only "guilty" of Love.

[lulu123]

Forgot to say that I do have a lot of information(paperwork) about dementia. Please let me know if you interested and I will be happy to send it to you.
The most important factor is to provide your Mum with a safe and healthy environment where people see her as an indivual and where she can have quality of life. Very important that the family gets involved with the mental health team and social workers.

[lulu123]

I meant to say "as an individual". Sorry

[lulu123]

"He's lost his wife & I've lost my Mum."
No. In time you will be able to understand that you didnt lost her. She is still the same person that you love, only the illness changed the way she see the world around her. Keep talking to her as much as you can, even if what she says does not make sense to you. She will know that you love her, no matter what.


lulu123

[Niobe]

Sorry to hear of your problems again Lyns - I hope the doctors and mental health team can help you.

[MrsKnight]

Hi lulu, thank you for your lovely posts, they have really helped me this evening, thank you.

I know we've not lost her entirely, she's well into the Alzheimer's stage now & it's hard when we have the bad days where she's just nasty & terrible to deal with, but I've always known its the illness it's my dad whose taken it to heart.
I'm grateful for what u said about being guilty of love, they have been married 48 years & when she was poorly in hospital last year, seeing him break n cry was awful. She wasn't easy back then & we were struggling, but I could see how much she ment to him.
I know he was & now will be worrying about not doing something earlier, but we went through this process this time last year & mum was discharged in January. But then it was just the mental health team & they listened to what they wanted to hear from her & not what we said was actually happening. Dad felt so let down & I'd just had a baby by c section & a awful pregnancy, I wasn't there to over see it or had the time or stength to sort it out.

I do understand a fair amount about mental health issues, but I know my dad would appreciate some paper work on it. I would be very grateful for some as I don't know how long this process is going to take to get started.
If there is anything you can email to save you posting it please add me as a frugal friend & I will add u, we can email each other off the forum x

[MrsKnight]

font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica">quote:<hr height="1" noshade>Originally posted by Niobe

Sorry to hear of your problems again Lyns - I hope the doctors and mental health team can help you.

Hate the word again, but it's so true, what a funny year it's been, up n down like a roller coaster of problems. Hope your ok xxxx

[Niobe]

I'm fine Lyns - my parents have health issues but thankfully they both have full control of their faculties - don't know what I would if they didn't.

You know where I am if you want to speak or text.