My mum.....

[MrsKnight]

Thank you, I know I'm just useless at getting in touch with anyone at the moment. I can't even talk to the hubby about how I'm feeling at the moment. I listen & take in everything my dad comes to me with, advise him the best I can, do what i can, then I'm just to emotionally exhausted to bother talking or repeating it again.
Then Leah, omg! Bless her we all adore her but she's crawling everywhere & into everything! And her morning & afternoon naps are getting shorter, you just wait till your granddaughters at this stage, lots of fun ahead!

[lulu123]

MrsKnight I added you as a frugal friend. unfortunately I cant email any paperwork but I will be very happy to post it to you, no problems at all. I have done a course about dementia very recently and I can send you copies of things that my help your Dad to understand a bit more.
"nasty & terrible to deal with". Dont get me wrong im not an "expert" but in my experience sometimes this is just pure frustation or something as simple as constipation that makes the patient to react that way. No doubt that you and Dad need a lot of support and the intervention of professionals.

[lulu123]

Also very very important is for your Mum to have the adequate medication that works in her best interests.
I mean where I work we dont want to see the patient over medicated in a way that he/she loses his/her identity complety. The key is to find the right balance.
I sincerely hope that you get to feel better about all this soon.

lulu123 xxx

[MrsKnight]

Hi lulu - I will add you in the morning, thank you.

Mums never been prescribed anything at all for her dementia or Alzheimer's, it's been a complete shambles getting any support or help for either of them. Ive been on the forum since 2008 & god knows how many times posted about them both. My mum has had a difficult history & other mental health issues & MS that have been on going since before I was born. After her diagnosis with MS over 40 years ago now when they knew little about it & she was treated like a Guinea pig, she has been difficult to treat or get her to seek any help for herself for anything x

[MrsKnight]

Sorry lulu, we know Mums frustrated hence why she gets nasty because she's confused & gets mixed up & the confusion frightens her & we know & hate to see her go through it. But then some of its her personality & history coming through.

It's so hard & all we want to do is help her & ease her suffering & take the pressure off my Dad. X

[MrsKnight]

Thanks all for listening to me rant again, I'm going to try to sleep, not sleeping well at all again & Leah was up most of last night! So I feel like rubbish today which won't if helped at all!

Xxxx

[Shining]

Lyns it's a nightmare isn't it? I would love to see MIL in residential care as she has nobody to care for her at home. Just the other day she rang to say she's asked two lovely lads and gave an orange to one to post a letter for her. They were wearing hoods because it was cold so she couldn't really see what they looked like but they were nice! She trusts anyone!

[lem]

Hi Lyns, you rant away all you like, I understand compeltely being a nurse myself and also my grandad had alzheimers many years ago, it was awful seeing him turn into a shell of himself over time to the point he didn't recognise any of his family anymore, I remember the hell my dad went through trying to get help as whenever the mental health team would come out at home to assess him he would seemingly be ok but then at other times he would get up in the middle of the night and go to the shops banging on the doors as he couldn't understand why they weren't open, he had an open fire and would drop hot ashes on the carpet not realising which was a huge fire risk, he wouldn't remember to eat and was a complete danger to himself, it took a long long time to get proper help, finally we managed to get him into a home and I remember seeing a young girl in her 20's with dementia it was so sad.

I do think things have come a long way since then as this was the early 90's but we still have a long way to go, people don't realise just how demanding and draining looking after someone with dementia is, I think it's much much harder than looking after young children or a baby as you need eyes in the back of your head and they can become aggressive at the drop of a hat.

If you ever need to sound off hun just let me know, we are all here for you xx

[Shining]

Lem your grandad sounds like my MIL. We always say she can turn it on when she wants with the mental health team. She goes out at all hours and talks to the local boy racers etc., in the town (her neighbour tells us). She smokes and there are cigarette burns all over her dressing gown and floor. She is painfully think a shadow of her former self. By the sounds of it we've got to keep pressing the mental health team before something happens outside of our control.

Lyns sorry for hijacking your thread and Lem got your email will reply over the weekend.

[MrsKnight]

Hi Lesley & Lem - thank you and don't worry Lesley it's fine, you are one of the few people who know what we are going through & you too Lem.

Things are moving faster than I thought social services are coming out Monday, a nurse came today to take bloods & mum just refused, said the doctor did it yesterday & folding her arms, admant the doctor did it & I know she didn't because I was there! Had dad over for at least a hour afterwards, just talking over things, I'm shattered. Social services want me there on Monday too.

Thanks for listening, I'm abit teary today, I hide it from Dad obviously, I'm not sure how I feel about it all x

[MrsKnight]

Sorry Lesley I've just re read your post about the MIL & the hoodies, oh my goodness she must be such a worry. My dad was over here when the nurse arrived, very surprised mum answered the door & let her in, we didn't tell her a nurse was coming because she would of got really iratated & nasty. But it's still didn't help as she still refused!

[MrsKnight]

Just got myself thinking positive & feeling a bit calmer & dad pops over for another rant & reassurance. Leah crying in my arms while he's ranting at me about stuff I have promised already that I will do when he's gone, as in past away.

I'm amazed at how strong I am sometimes when this happens, & then I just fall apart.

Sorry, at the moment this forum is my only sounding board through this to vent it at! X

[Shining]

Never say sorry lyns you sound off as much as required, I know firt hand how frustrating things can be.

Do remember though that Lyns needs some Lyns time don't burn yourself out x

[Pandy]

Mrs K ,
You can always rant here or pm me on fb, I like Lulu worked with dementia and alzheimer residents so have a little bit of understanding of what you are going through. It is always so hard on the families.
You are doing the right thing although you will always feel guilty, being there for your Dad is wonderful but will be draining for you, remember if it all gets too much, to spend some 'YOU' time away from everything and everyone where you can de-stress yourself.

[MrsKnight]

Thank you so much I really appreciate you all.

Finally got around 6/7 hours sleep last night, had to get Dad to GP as he was unwell, bronchitis he gets it every year but this Is twice in 3 weeks now. Social services now coming Tuesday not quite sure what to expect but there's no point telling Mum as she doesn't understand it all & just thinks we are trying to get rid of her!
A few months back the local shop approached my Dad & said mum had been shop lifting, this totally threw us, but they were good about it as we said she really wouldn't have a clue what she had done & we have stopped her going into that shop. Well today we found what she had stolen, hidden in the house, sweets.
My dad went for alittle walk this afternoon & Mum sneaks off to the shops, she does this regularly when dad goes out & we've no idea what she's doing. But it's what she did for years when she was drinking mainly to buy more, though she's not drinking anymore. The shops are not far & she used to work in the PO there years ago. She's a nightmare at times!