My Story and I'm having a bad day

[debtfreesusie67]

Thanks Barb

[lily]

Hi Blue susie

First of all stop feeling so guilty about the debt, its only money and as I am sure youre aware life is much more precious. Dont feel bad for crying either, how could you not feel bad with what you have had to 'survive' through. When we lose our parents its very hard, feels like someone has ripped out your insides and you go right back in time to all the childhood memories of your mom and what she did for you. You remember the time you made her a Mothers day card and the time she cried when one of her parents died. It all hurts like hell and its so hard to find the meaning of waking up to all that pain again tomorrow.

It would be so easy to run away and many people do this (BBC one 9.15 missing people}. However youre stronger than you think. You stayed around and you fought for your parents and your Mother would be very proud. You are still dealing with your Father’s needs the loss of your Mother, the loss of your job, plus the debt, etc.etc. etc. How many people come here with half your problems, on their knees because of debt????

You have shelved all of it and probably a good deal more over the last couple of years and now the shelf is groaning and collapsing. Youre a human being not a machine and you must draw a line under blaming yourself for what has happened, youre dealing with the debt now and that’s all you can do. Do not be ashamed to cry or admit that youre just not coping, its not a crime to say, “please help me, I cant cope with this anymore", Sharing and bearing helps others to understand and empathise with you and I can. We laugh when we are happy don’t we????.

You go now and have a good sob, you need it and deserve it and then think about how you have/are facing this debt. Think about how you can make yourself smile in the next hour, clean something, put some up beat music on and say, this aint going to beat me and it wont.

We will be there for you every step of the way.

Thoughts are with you.
Special love

[debtfreesusie67]

I love this site. It's like talking to family but without the pressure. Thanks guys for everything.

Sue

[MelanieGiles]

It is what makes being a forum member so special - and your story is heartwrenching Sue. Very best of luck to you and Dad for the hospital visit - there will be a very important angel looking over him that day, your Mum is still very close.

[Viki.W]

Hey sue, I've just read your post and I just wanted to say I'm so sorry about your mum and also I'll be thinking of your dad and you on Monday. I too lost my mum to lung cancer, I cried when reading your post as I know all the feelings you must have had and still have. My mum was my best friend and like you, I slept on a camper bed in the hospital room every night, I didn't want to leave her. Unfortunately I did leave her, to go to the accountants, just as I arrived at the carpark my brother called to say she had died. I'll never forgive myself for not being there. Please keep posting, it'll make you feel a little better, and again, I hope everything goes well on Monday. Thinking of you, Viki X

[lily]

Hi Viki

Please forgive yourself for popping out, when my mother died, I had no idea she was even close to death. We had been out the previous day for a chirstmas meal, my sister and my Mom had a great day out. No sign of anything to come. It was foggy, we went back to moms for a cuppa, we all sat there talking laughing. My mom gave me a bag full of presents for the family and as my sister was putting them in my car she slipped off the kerb, we all bust out laughing. Mom was doubled up on her porch laughing. She said, Kris, text me when you get home, the fog..... I did and she never replied, she was dead within an hour of us leaving her. We found out the following day when a delievery man couldnt gain entry. I was so desperate, couldnt believe it. Anyway for weeks and weeks I needed to know what had happened. I scoured the internet and discovered that the moment of death very, very often happens alone. Even if you keep a vigil (we did with our father) they still die when you leave the room. I tortured myself for weeks and weeks, in the end I had to let it go. Mom looked peaceful, she didnt suffer, I dont know if she was scared but you have to let the guilt go. She wouldnt want you to blame yourself.

Thinking of you

[chris.g]

My mam also died of lung cancer, she had a stroke and when they gave her a full medical they found the cancer. Because of her age and health, there was no treatment only pain relief. When the specialist asked if she had any questions she asked if she could go home.... Within 11 weeks she'd gone... I truly believe she chose when to pass, she'd been fine on the friday, laughing and joking, then she slipped into unconsciousness on the saturday afternoon. She died on the monday afternoon, very peaceful and at home with her family.
That's when things with the credit spiralled.....
xx

[lily]

There was a story yesterday on the BBC missing people where a man who lost both of his parents within a couple of months changed dramatically. Before he had been bubbly and happy, caring and care free. He changed, bought stuff, a new car, camera, laptop, etc. He then went missing without a word and it was discovered he was 40K in debt which he couldnt pay. He fell into a deep depression just before he disapeared. He didnt tell a soul that he owed money. His family are fearful for his safety. If only he knew he was not alone....

[chris.g]

Very true, people think they are the only ones...I know I did. I stumbled across this site quite by chance but thank god I did.... The questions that have been answered here and the friends I've made is amazing. It's a pity we couldn't advertise on the back of c/card statements like payplan....
xx

[Viki.W]

Do you know what Chris, that's a fantastic ides, what do you reckon admin? [;)] I had really dark thoughts before I found this site, now I'm proud that I'm finally trying to sort my debt problems out. This site gave me all the information and support and it still does... and not just about debt. Thanks Lily and Chris. Thinking of you both, amazing how we have all been through similar situations in life. Viki X

[lily]

Its so easy to have dark thoughts when you feel all alone. Debt seems to have a stigma in this society. Ie youre only as good as your bank balance, it seems. I think it is very hard for men also, you know, being the breadwinner, provider and all that. If only it could be advertised, I know some IVA companies do send out letters I have had many of these myself. You dont have to suffer alone, we can help you, bla bla bla. This is all well and good but only the people who have been where we have been can trully empathise, you cannot see a way out, your worried, harrassed, guilty, feel like a failure. Its no wonder so many have (and I did too) dark desperate thoughts.

Thanks Viki, All this happened last year, I am sooo much better now.

[Moneystinks]

Hi Sue

Just been catching up, I hope you are feeling better. This site is brilliant for helping you get through.
hope everything goes well on Monday. I will be thinking of you both. xx

Viki, sorry to hear about your mum.

My mum and I have a strange relationship, We do;t really get on that well, but we both know that we both love each other very much - if that makes sense. What I'm trying to say is I'm sure your mum knew in her heart that you were still/are with her.

XX

[Viki.W]

Ah thanks Marie, you always know what to say. [:)] I think I have the same kind of relationship with my Dad that you have with your Mum. We always used to bicker until my Mum died, now strangely, we get on and live in the same house without a bad word. Funny old life eh? Viki X