Nagging feeling of shame.

[quark2008]

I can manage my IVA if everything stays the same for me. But things change.I've decided that i will not move into my own keyworker flat next year and move into a keyworker cluster flat and share with 4 others. Cheaper for me, though my rent will increase by about £150 pcm.#13;#10;It's no biggy and making sure i manage my IVA effectively still remains my priority.However, i still remain feeling very ashamed of myself and i really don't know how i can get rid of it.It does make me feel very depressed, not down, but really and stupidly paralysed by it at times.It's like getting walloped every now and then.I should be feeling relieved as i have already made my first payment. The calls have stopped and letters as well. I met someone, and we had a brief couple of dates, an absolute corker of a bloke, very successful, and all that, but as soon as i mentioned i was financially wrecked and was studying, heard no more, and i guess i feel a bit rejected.So i feel very protected of myself now, and a bit lonely in my IVA. My next concern is going to be my health, i must keep a check on my ticker and blood pressure, i am dreading the tests i have to have in a few months and i must make the changes if needed, to remain healthy and avoid a stroke or heart attack.I am on the road to either one of these.What i need is a smooth road, to move into my new home next year with no added stress, for my IVA payments to pretty much stay the same until completion, my studies to be completed, and my health to not stop me from achieving all the for mentioned. A miserable post i know, have to get it out though. swings and roundabouts, and i dislike them both. Sorry.

[moretolife]

hey there quark....its good to post...even the miserable ones...we are there for each other and support...cyberhugs and encouragement are all sooo mucn needed on this journey.
i know that "getting it out"...is good for the soul....and one reason why i decided to blog...it really helps to write it down.

shame is a dreadful thing to carry...i think we can all identify with it and how it feels...its an internal emotion that sometimes just has to run itself out....and thats why it is vital not to isolate yourself.....shame loves to be alone.!!...
keep posting and keep reading the answers that are sure to come your way today
lift your head up...look to the future when shame will have no hold over you....

cyberlove to you....

[Viki.W]

Hey Quark,

That road may remain smooth for you. I'm sure your new home will be fab, you'll be all qualified in no time, your IVA will be completed with no problems and you will have looked after yourself.

You sound like a very determined person and you're lovely![:I] Look after yourself, that's the priority, and if potential partners don't like your situation they can get lost cause you deserve the best![^]

Big hug from me.[:X] X

[chris.g]

Oh Quark, you really are feeling down in the dumps...We all feel like this at times, lifes a right bi**h!!!
There is no need to feel guilty over your IVA, you sorted out the problem in the best way possible for you. Your creditors have ways and means to minimize their loses so don't beat yourself up too much.
As for your love life, he obviously wasn't the one for you. God knows, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack, whilst being blindfolded, trying to find 'the one'.

[quark2008]

Thanks, and now i'm bawling my eyes out, haven't done this for a long, long time, so i shall go and plonk myself in the bath and finish off getting all the tears out. Very kinds words indeed.

[Skippy]

Oh Quark, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so low. Fingers crossed you'll have a smooth road. You're a lovely person an you will find 'the one'. As Chris says it's like looking for a needle in a haystack, but I truely believe there's someone for everyone.

Look after yourself - your health is so much more important than anything else x

[angela18]

I sometimes feel like that Quark.. especially when I see people going away and daughters friends geting all the top name things.. and she knows we can't afford them.. it must really tear her up!! I feel guilty that her doing without is all our doing and she suffers in the meantime..

me and hubby do without so she can have a little extra but still not the same, but at the end of it all she knows she is loved and cared for and I hope thats enough x

[quark2008]

You folks are lovely, had a really good and pretty much belated bawl, shout and a scream, snot hanging and everything.My friend just called and we are going for a boozy lunch up the pub, cheap i hope. Tiredoflife you are very right, shame loves to be alone, at times, i can't be feeling miserable when i am looking after the babies tomorrow. It's not that i want to buy anything or get sad when others may have the best, i guess being rejected because of my financial situation probably gets me the most. He seemed a really decent geezer, seemed being the operative word.Nevermind eh.

[chris.g]

Oh, a boozy lunch....sounds good to me....enjoy it quark, you deserve it, xx

[freelili]

Quark

You are who you are, be proud of the way youre dealing with so much going on in your life. Most people will look a bit deeper than financial matters, they are the ones that count. Youre doing your best and thats all you can do.

Good luck

[plasticdaft]

You folks are lovely, had a really good and pretty much belated bawl, shout and a scream, snot hanging and everything.My friend just called and we are going for a boozy lunch up the pub, cheap i hope. Tiredoflife you are very right, shame loves to be alone, at times, i can't be feeling miserable when i am looking after the babies tomorrow. It's not that i want to buy anything or get sad when others may have the best, i guess being rejected because of my financial situation probably gets me the most. He seemed a really decent geezer, seemed being the operative word.Nevermind eh.

A decent geezer wouldnt have been put off my debts or studies. You will find a decent geezer,of that I am sure.

Maybe we should organise a speed dating event for the unnatched amongst us at the next frugal freinds meet!!!

I cant take part due to the fact that I have a long term attachment to my danglies and if the wife found out,they would for sure become detached!!!

[I Am Potless]

Hi,

I also feel shame and I have been in an IVA for the last three years.
But try to remember when you could not go out or buy something new because you were spending all of your money paying off cards and loans.
God I remember having to pay one card with another and making the excuse because things were paid late.

I always say to myself "I was skint then, and I'm skint now. But now I am skint for the right reasons" and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

Keep your chin up and don't let that dept devil get you down.

Be proud of what you are doing to make your future brighter.

I wish you well and remember YOU WILL WIN THROUGH.

xx P

[quark2008]

Had a nice lunch. Went to the gym, and pounded 10 buckets of ***t out of the punch bag, with deft thai kick boxing moves thrown in. Went on the wobblers (powerplates) after that, shook myself towards myself, then plonked into the bubbler where i sat and spoke to that bloke from Airport on the BBC, won't say who, but oh dear, skin like an old bible !!! I think sometimes i think what a silly fart i've been, i have learnt my lessons though, i think all that borrowed cash i played with and then i've looked after people who have nothing at all, visited countries where a night out in town here, could have supplied the school with books. #13;#10;I want for nothing now, i've changed, and half the battle is making friends with the new me, who is looking for riches on the inside, not from Gucci, or M&S, i bought a top from Gucci, £125,i wore it once, didn't want it ruined, and i've been going to the gym and beefing up, i have walloping great muscles and i can't even get the frigging thing on anymore. What a waste of money, 2 weeks worth of good healthy food which makes me look much better than any top from a high end label, that's still probably made in India by 3 year olds !!!! It's other people's judgments that hurt, and make me feel ashamed, i think i need to harden up,i am such a awkward position, when i look after people who are ill, i just know in my heart that i can tune in and do what is needed with the human touch, i'm 100% confident in that.But when i am rejected, or judged it hits like a bullet and i feel good for nothing sometimes even my job which i love in all truths.I come here to this forum and i'm healed again, i rant, muse and mutter. I think i would really like to meet some of you and give you a great massive thank you squash !!!

[kallis3]

Quark, only just caught up with this thread - so glad you feel better than you did this morning.

I agree with everything everyone else hs said - he wasn't worth it and Mr Right is out there somewhere!

You're probably better off sharing your flat as well, I think if you moved in on your own you would feel even more isolated than you do now.

Get that top put on Ebay - get you a bit of spending money if nothing else.

You'll have to pop along to one of the F&F meetings![:)]

[quark2008]

ooh yes what an idea, i have things i could just get rid of, thank you.