NEW POSTER-ADVICE PLEASE

[mikeymikey]

Hi I am new on here. Never realised such a site and feel better knowing people I can talk to. I have 90k worth if unsecured debt on credit cards and loans. My wife knows nothing about it. I pay by taking money from cash machine on credit cards to pay other cards. I have now come to the inevitable crossroads were money has ran out. I have none left and am in the process of sorting out my life. I am sure it will cause my wife and I to split. We have a mortgage with about 50k equity in joint names. Is she allowed to get all that if I end up on an IVA. Feel so guilty!!! Loads of questions. Please help!!

[kallis3]

Hi mikey and welcome to the forum. I am not an expert, but I am sure one will be along.

I would advise you to tell your wife though, you cannot keep on living the way you do. I kept a couple of my cards secret from my husband and the strain was awful, so I hate to think of what you are going through. When I did tell him it made him ill, but we came through it and have now started an IVA. I know it will be difficult, but she is going to have to know eventually, particularly when you are not able to pay your cards and the phone calls and letters from creditors start.

[Viki.W]

Hey mikeymikey, welcome to the forum, you are in a great place for advice and support. As Kallis said, you should try talking to your wife, you need the support and she may already have an idea anyway. If you do go down the IVA route you are usually asked to remortgage at some point to release some equity so your wife would need to know. You should contact an Insolvency Practitioner to go through all your options. Please stay on the forum, an expert will be along to help you. Viki X

[MelanieGiles]

Hi Mikey and a warm welcome to the forum

You have taken the first step to dealing with your problem by sharing your thoughts with someone else. That is psychologically a giant leap and once you have taken professional advice about your options you will feel far better.

As for your wife, I am sure that once she has got over the intial shock of knowing your financial situation, she will be a great support moving forward - wives usually are! I suggest you speak to an insolvency practitioner first to see what options you have, and then you can discuss these with your wife in a positive manner.

The very best of luck to you and of course do use the forum for advice in the meantime. We will do our best to help.

[chris.g]

hiya mikey, just wanted to say welcome.
It's, a very confusing time for you at the moment, the realisation of your debts being out of control is a terrifying thing to accept. HOWEVER, you have realised that and know that things can't go on. Melanie, one of our experts on the forum, has a great reputation and has helped many in getting their lives back on track. Why not contact her team for some sound unbiased advice on what options are open to you.
I would suggest that, however hard it's going to be, tell your wife. There is no way you can keep this from her as the house will be classed as a joint asset and any use of that asset, and it will be used, will need her to be notified. Once she knows and is over the initial shock, she may be able to offer the support and stability you will need.
Good luck,
xx

[freelili]

Hi Mikey

You do need to speak with your wife, if it was the other way round wouldnt you want to know?

I know its very hard for you right now but your wife wouldnt want you to suffer this alone. She loves you. There may be some trust and security issues that you will both have to deal with, but once she sees how youre suffering, the honesty, you can help each other through.

Good luck, thoughts are with you

[mikeymikey]

Thanks for all your comments everyone. I intend to tell her. Its just that I have to get my son through his GCSESs. He finishes mid- June and to upset the applecart before then would be even more selfish of me than I already have been! My debts have arisen through gambling and then through paying off the cc and loans from paying off the gambling.I have been good with that recently and intend to get help there as well. I am prepared for the worse with my wife at home. But we will see. Just being left with no money for anything scares me to death.

[freelili]

Hi Mikey

Please dont beat yourself up anymore than you already have. You have already made the most important step, you are trying to face it all and dont quite know where to start.

Please believe that you are not alone in this and there will be a way forward.

Make sure that you do have enough money for the essential things, if you have to miss a couple of payments on the ccards etc, so be it. We have all had to do that at some point as scary as it is.

Good luck, all the best

[chris.g]

Mikey, you will need to address your gambling issue if you are to have any chance in getting and IVA accepted.
I don't want to overwhelm you and seem as if I'm judging, I'm really not.
Some IP's may be reluctant to act on your behalf if you're still gambling as the IVA is bound to fail.
Good luck with everything,
xx

[kallis3]

Yes, you certainly need to get help, but you have taken that initial big step by admitting that you have a problem. I take it that your wife knows about your gambling?

Once you have that sorted you should be able to get your finances sorted

[SharonR]

Hi Mikey

Its great that you have made that first step of admitting that you have a problem.

Its just my opinion, but maybe if you speak to an advisor on Monday to at least get the ball rolling, then tell your wife. At least she will see that you have started to sort yourself out.

I think she will be upset when she finds out, but if you can offer her some kind of solution and plan for the future, then the shock may not be too much for her.

Sharon X

[facingittogether]

HI MIKEY, JUST WANT TO SAY WELCOME AND YOU HAVE COME TO A GREAT PLACE FOR ADVICE AND SUPPORT!

LIKE OTHERS HAVE SAID, YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR WIFE IN THE PICTURE AS YOU CANNOT CARRY ON BEARING THIS ALONE AND SOONER OR LATER SHE WILL FIND OUT!

ONCE SHE HAS GOT OVER THE INITIAL SHOCK I THINK SHE WILL BE A SUPPORT TO YOU!

WE HAVE ALL MADE MISTAKES, BUT YOU ARE NOW TRYING TO PUT THINGS RIGHT!

CONTACT A IP TO GET SOME PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, MELANIE COMES HIGHLY REGARDED ON HERE AND LIKE OTHERS HAVE SAID IF YOU HAVE NOT ALREADY DONE SO YOU WILL NEED TO ADDRESS YOUR GAMBLING PROBLEM TOO!

GOOD LUCK AND LET US KNOW HOW YOU GET ON!

TAKE CARE

BARB X

[rollercoaster]

hi mikey.
Just wanted to let you know that i faced up to my debts pre Christmas. got advice, and started on the IVA route. i managed all the finances in the house and my husband knew there were debts that he had but thought that they were all being managed. However due to my gambling i had ran up a fair few card debts and this had pushed us over. i took a day off work, which coincided with my husbands shift so the kids were at school and sat my husband down. i was well prepared with figures but very nervous about where my admissions were going to put our marriage but knew it had to be done. I owned up to my gambling getting out of control and the situation that we were now in. we spoke for hours. My husband was relieved, he knew something was wrong but thought i was having an affair! he told me that we married 'for better or for worse' and that i was his wife, he loved me, we all make mistakes, and we would get through it together'. My husbands IVA was accepted in April. Unfortunately mine was rejected but i am in a DMP and we are doing better now (emotionally and financialy) than ever before. i completely stopped the demon habit the day i faced up to the situation and now enjoy saving every penny. PS. My husband still trusts me to run the accounts and i will never betray that by gambling again. You will get through this and i wish you luck in 'biting your bullet' [;)]

[inapickle]

HI Mikey,
Welcome aboard, you have (probably done the hardest thing) and thats asking for help, I found it very hard to ask, as I am a private type of person, who likes to deal with his probs, but like you I reached the point where juggling cards stopped working, found this forum, and have not looked back, I have started an IVA with melanie and her team, they are superb, you wont go far wrong seeking there advice, work with them and you will be sorted before you know it, 7 weeks for me from start to approved.

Good luck and keep (us) posted

Best wishes
Mark

[Reviva UK]

Hi Mikey

Things always look worse than they really are if you don't know how to get out of the hole.

Melanie and her team will be able to quickly take some of the burden off and show you a way through the minefield and how to regain control of the situation and your life.

I would suggest you speak to melanie's team first to get a plan together then speak to your wife.

It will be easier to explain when you can offer a solution as well as a problem. So hopefully any shock will not be quite so bad.

I have helped many couples before and it is not unusual for each party to have debts that the other knew nothing about.

let us know how you get on.