This message is really spurred on by some post exchanges on another thread recently, but feel it might justify a thread of its own as it does not relate to the natural thread.
This is written in mind of those, just like myself, who may have reservations approaching someone you like but concerned that you will lose them if they found out you have serious debt issues. I have reflected on this very hard lately, as in one case of conversation on here in particular has struck me to really take stock.
I have considered for so long that just to let time go by and refrain from introducing myself to someone I like, in case I lose them once they find out what I am in middle of. It is at first point easy for someone to say that it doesn't matter because if they really like you, then they will understand. Well, although I have felt it awkward to think to raise as not only feel embarrassed, but also when you are actually trying to IMPRESS on someone new, the bottle will just go, but I now have a fresher frame of mind having read some posts here.
I am not a sexist person, and so although I understand that in the human chain of tradition, that the man is the hunter/gatherer/provider, I also would never expect that it is justified in modern society, so if I find interest in a woman, then I should not worry that I have to be the one to provide, but to share equal living. My only trait on all this is my natural instinct to pay for everything and let my partner free of worry, but then again hence some of the reason I am in this financial predicament now... just too generous! I cannot afford to be generous now and so humbled by the IVA control. This should not stop me from being happy though... Life is too short and I am getting older and missing one of life's treasured emotions, so I now consider this...
If like our lovely forum member, you find someone you like, but worry that they will turn their back on you if they find out your situation... Pass that thought by... Take in mind that they just do not need to know upfront in detail... After all, the first instinct of attraction is wanting to get to know that person because you want to... you will not be sitting at the table discussing finances, you will be discussing love and emotions... Yes, you might mention that your budget is tight as you have some financial commitments that will be over in X years... consider it at first point that it is a means tested loan you are repaying as after all that is what it is. It takes time for a relationship to build into something substantial that you will need to move in together or tie the knot, but that is so far in the future. In all this time, either the IVA may be over, but foremost and most importantly, the one that loves you will love you for who you are and if they are genuine, then they will understand and help to support whatever remaining IVA time you have.
So... Debs... Go get him!
Gordon
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