Really well done that you have been able to keep off the cigs, especially while you are trying to deal with all the current concerns and decision making.
I have never heard of anyone using a PO box number but I am no expert. I hope one of the experts on here will be able to provide an answer for you and definitely talk to a few of the companies that are listed on
www.iva.com to get a full picture of what you will be committing to.
I have always believed that you would have to provide your current home address and all details relating to your debts during the process of setting up an IVA, so creditors would be aware. Once in an IVA, your name, date of birth, address and IP would be listed on the Insolvency Register but details of the amount owing or creditors is not shown. I worried a little when our names appeared on there but then none of my friends or work colleagues know I am in an IVA so I can't imagine that anyone would want to look me up.
If your wife does not have an IVA, her name will not appear on the register. Her credit rating would only be affected if she had debts of her own or possibly, if she previously had any joint debts with you.
Our IVA took about 12 weeks to set up but not typical and I believe it can be much quicker than that.