Not Ashamed to be in IVA

[andrewgoodman121]

Sometimes i read on the forum that some of the people in IVA's want to keep it Private and are too scared or Embarresed that they are in an IVA as they feel like it makes them some kind of Leper of Society or Failure and feel some sort of Shame.
I am writing this as i don't feel like that AT ALL!!!.
I have kept mine Private from my Employers and People I don't know
but i almost definately DO NOT!! feel ashamed or embarresed by it.
Quite the contrary ,i felt embarrased and ashamed when i was so far in Debt there was No Way Out of the Mess i had created for myself
but we in life all make mistakes and hence like an Alcoholic or Drug Addicted Rock Star, i needed to Detox my Finances and go to Rehab,
hence an IVA.
At the moment i am 4 months in and i would thoroughly recommend them
as an ideal Debt Solution as it Teaches you HOW TO BUDGET!! and like a drug addict ,STOPS!! you using the Nasty Credit Card, as in the end you only have to pay it all back.
I Feel so much better in myself knowing that i do not get anymore nasty letters or phone calls and to make matters even better i have enough money to live comfortably through the month without the need to use credit again.

[kallis3]

Hi Andrew,

I'm glad you feel able to tell people about your IVA. I could never tell my parents as they are of the old school where you didn't have credit at all. If they knew how much debt I was in, I think it would just about finish them off. Similarly I don't feel that I could tell friends either, I often hear them talking about people they know who are in trouble, and I would hate to be the next topic of conversations.

I do sometime wish I could get it off my chest as there is only my husband and to discuss it, and as it affects us both it doesn't help much. I am happy just posting on this site and knowing that there are people who can help me if needs be.

[aguise]

I agree with you. I feel no shame either andrew. We have chosen not to tell anyone, meaning children and family because we feel there is no need for them to know. I am sure they would be supportive and quite proud actually, they know how we have struggled for many years, we have never hidden our debt. My husband more than I feels that he doesnt want them to treat us differently because of the iva. We are managing nothing has changed in our lifestyle, except that we are happier. That as you say is due to the stress of bills not flying through the door and wondering how we would get through the month.
I think it is just down to personal choice as to who you want to tell, but shame no, quite the opposite, pride now in that we live with our own money and not the plastic.

ang

[sblack]

Hi,
Andrew your post is totally true and quite right for some.
Kallis I absolutely echo your comments entirely. We have not told anyone apart from our senior managers at work, which we had to.
An IVA is a way of confronting your debt in a positive manner and nothing to be ashamed of but I feel should remain private for us. We do not wish our family to worry or to be the talk of the town as we know we would be if we told people.

[andrewgoodman121]

What i used to dread was when my Mum and Dad came round to visit or anything they always used to bring uop the dreaded subject.
HOW ARE YOU DOING FOR MONEY, ARE YOU GOING AWAY THIS YEAR OR BUYING A NEW CAR OR SAVING FOR ANYTHING!!!.
You know how it goes and in your Drawer is a Stack load of Unpaid Bills and Nasty Debt Letters
and you Say Uncomfortably.
EVERTHINGS ALRIGHT MUM , COULDN'T BE BETTER.
and try drastically to change the subject as you haven't been on Holiday for 2 Years your working your Nuts Off!! and for What.
Now that i am in an IVA i don't have that kind of Worry anymore.

[kallis3]

Same here with parents. We had always had really good holidays and changed our cars regularly. Now we haven't been away since 2005 and not changed the car for 2 years.

Parents have been told that due to health problems (hubbies) and elderly dog (won't put her in kennels), we can't get away. These reasons are partially true, but once dog has expired I don't know what we will do. As regards the car, we can at least be truthfull and say it is the best one we have ever had.

I haven't even told my managers at work, I don't even know if I should, but I am sure it would get back to my colleagues somehow (it's amazing how these things do.)

[andrewgoodman121]

The Pre IVA thing was that i was always trying to cover my Tracks and Lie about how much i had when deep down i knew that i was living like a Monk in a Monestary with Debts Piling up around my Earoles.
Now that i am in an IVA and have kept up the Repayments and feel like my Finances are now back on track ,i can hold my head up and be proud that i sorted it and am on the way to being Debt Free.

[kallis3]

Once I am in an IVA and settled down with my payments, I hope I can be as positive as you. At the moment I am fed up with having no money to do anything. My own fault I know, but meeting is on Monday so hopefully I will be back on track soon.

[andrewgoodman121]

Kallis, i guarantee that it is the best move you could have made.
I hope you get accepted as the vast majority always do.
I think they like to put you under loads of suspense.
If Accepted it takes maybe a couple of months to get used too, as it is completely New, but when
you know that you will be living a normal life with NO CREDIT!! you will then see your mistake and wonder why you ever went down that road in the first place as they leave you well enough money to live on and you will be living well within your means.
No more Letters or Phone Calls ,just your own money and that is it.

Good Luck!!!!

[petes39]

Andrew you are sooo right, my family and close friends are aware of my situation, they need to be so they cant feel obligated, expect or want to know why your not doing the things they are and ask the questions, why dont you?. At work i listen to people saying I spent £2000 on this new thing ( that they dont need etc )and think, well I know what you earn, i wonder how your paying for that. ive been in an IVA for 3 mths and am struggling to budget but I know I can and will. As ive had years and years of having nothing extra, just paying the bills, now i look and think in 5 years time I`ll be richer then I have ever been. therefore my friends and family will be aware and wont expect till then! best wishes.

Pete

[kal]

Whilst I am not really ashamed of being in an IVA, I am ashamed that i let it get this far.
The only one that knows is my Mum - she has helped us out so much, and has been there for us.
I often wish i could go back to when I was 16 and just starting out on life, and not have got that first credit card.
I have always been a nightmare with money, and thought nothing of getting that loan or an extra credit card.
I have only been in the IVA since the end of March so I have a long way to go, but i do know one thing, and that is that i will never get any more credit when it has all finished - I so look forward to 5 years time, when all our money is our own.
k.

[kallis3]

Andrew,

I feel more positive already! I have been so used to livin off credit and having things when I want them,that not being able to have them is hard. I will be thankful that I am healthy, have a good, secure job, happy marriage and nice home. Things can only go up from here.

[petes39]

And one big bonus for me is I dont have to work every day off for the overtime, that is so nice not having to try and get in there first for the overtime, now that can be embarrasing. I can enjoy my time with the kids, its free, a bow and arrow from the new branches( not good for the tree i know, they wont miss one branch) ( i hope!!)

[kallis3]

I don't get to work much overtime, but I do work occasional bank holidays for which I can get payment at double time or two days off. I've always done it for the money before now as I needed it, but now I will be doing it for the time off and enjoying a bit more quality time at home

[animaleyes76]

as per the other similar post

This is sooooooooo true. The irony is that half the people making these comments are in a similar situation with their plastic friends but think they are still in control. It makes them feel better to see people that they see as "failing". The irony is we are the people that have actually taken control of our lives. Let them be judgemental, let them take 60 years to pay their credit cards off.

THe way i see life if... If someone likes me then great, if they judge me for something as stupid as making one mistake despite my other qualities then frankly i'm glad i'm no longer friends with them whether it be my choice or theirs. i don't really want to swear on here cos i don't think i'm allowed to. All i'm gonna say is if people judge you on this alone.. then... f**k them.. IVA on BR is defintely a way sometimes to find out who your friends really are

My father is real old school, i got bought up to always pay back what i borrowed, hence IVA rather than BR. Even he said quote "it's probably the best thing you have ever done" as i'm trying my best to make amends an not make the same mistakes.

This forum is great for the same reasons, people don't judge, they understand. If anyone judges you for one mistake.. well... i think i've already said it.

Everyone is allowed a mistake or two..It's whether you learn from it (i have).

Some people are just like that.. Personally i avoid them like the plague.

I'm rambling so i'll shut up.

Summary, if anyoen tries to put you down becuase of your debt mistake situation then they aren't worth knowing. It can very happily happen to anyone.