Pants Weekend!!

[spenmotherhen]

I had a really bad experience at the weekend, a good friend of mine rang me on Friday to ask if she could come and visit with her family for the weekend.

As much as she is a great friend I have felt embarrased to tell her that we are in an IVA. I was more than happy to have her and her family come and visit as all of our children get on well and we always have a great time.

The problem was we had car tax and MOT this month, so contingency was gone and we have been cutting back on food bills to pay for school trips etc also.

I had budgeted our money to cover food for this week and next but have no other cash available.

To make it worse my husband had to go abroad with work this weekend and although it won't cost him a penny once he returns as he can claim everything back, he still needed to take money with him to cover the costs first.

I could not say no to her visiting especially as she would have to drive 3 hours to get here!

Needless to say I had to spend our food budget for next week to cover extra food for this weekend. We only had cheapy stuff in our cuboards and the fridge was bare.

I felt sick having to say I couldn't afford to go out anywhere and they paid for a take away for us.

I was embarrased as i am a proud person and have always paid my way. It was a horrible position to be in and I certainly will not wish to experience that again. I now feel that i "Owe" her one.

I kinow some of you will say if she is such a great afriend I should tell her, the problem is she one a substancial amonut of money on the lottery last year and I don't want her to think I am gold digging!!

For the future I will certainly be taking the advise of scaredkez, skippy and bagpuss with such tips as the envelope system and the post office saving stamps.

It was lovely to see them and we had a good time but I did feel I could not offer them good hospitality.

[:I]

[MelanieGiles]

It is little occurances like this which really bring home the position of being in an IVA, and I really wish some of the creditors and voting representatives would read and understand these posts, in an attempt to understand the sacrifices people do make to ensure their payments are made on time.

I would also suggest sharing the fact that you are in an IVA with your friend. If there a good friend they will think nothing less of you, and might even be miffed if they eventually find out because you hadn't felt you could share this with them. This happened to a close friend of mine, and I was really disappointed that they felt they could not tell me - especially as I am in the insolvency profession!

Regards, Melanie Giles, Insolvency Practitioner for over 20 years.

To have me propose an IVA for you, please visit:
http://www.melaniegiles.com/ivaEnquiry.asp

See customer feedback at:
http://www.iva.com/iva_companies/IVA_Advice_Bureau.asp

[spenmotherhen]

Thanks Melanie, perhaps after a few wines one night I might tell her - only if shes paying lol!!

Just glad all my bills are paid.

[spenmotherhen]

Sorry that sounded really bad! I meant that I wouldn't be able to pay for the wine, not that my friend would have to pay before I could tell her. Oopps!!

Roll on pay day 9 days to go!!

[gavin]

tell her i told all my friend. dont be in embarrased if the pm [mr brown] can run england in debit then any 1 can end up in debit

Empty pockets never held anyone back. Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.

[lily]

before I told my mom and sister about my problem we used to go into brum every tuesday for a meal and a little shop, we all used to enjoy it. I never bought anything but one week they politely told me that I looked a mess and said why didnt I spend some money every week as they knew I earned well.. I did exactly the same as you, budgeted for the four weeks and no more and couldnt afford anything extra in order to meet my monthly committments. I didnt quite know what to do but I did buy some clothes from M and S and promptly took them back to the store in my town on every following saturday. (I was well known face in there which added further embarrament). I didnt need clothes as I wore a uniform but then they atarted asking where the stuff was and I stopped going with them but they kept on asking. In the end and in tears I told them. Its really hard to know whats worse, struggling and having to lie or sympathy and 'gifts' which I didnt really like either. Even when my mom died I couldnt afford the clothes or the flowers for the funeral but my sister paid for everything.

It is very hard, in the end I told my family that I didnt want anyones money, gifts or handouts but their understanding would be priceless and they understood that.

lily

[james.c]

I read alot of people who feel embarrsed about been in an IVA.

DONT BE, i was i wondered what people would think of me. I told me family and they understood.

I told my friends which was very hard, as i am 30 an alot of my friends are but most own houses outright that are about aboubt £250k and that was hard, they owned their own house and i was in an IVA, so one by one I told them and explained why i was in the situation i was in and they understood and a couple of them since have found out my partner is having twins have said dont get in debt again, i will lend you the money and repay with me no interest and it takes as long as takes, i have thanked them all for their offer but said no as i dont want debt again.

The main point is your true friends and family will stick by you and understand so please dont feel embarrsed. and for the ones that do are they true friends?

no matter how bad money gets, theirs stll alot more important things in life

[mish1953]

its always hard.
Im 54 , a single dad with my 14 yr old living with me, been a single dad for 8 yrs, Im also bankrupt, I pay half my surplus to the OR , Im going to lose my wee house, I drive a battered car, I buy value food, I go out once in a blue moon ... the last blue moon was a trip to the pub for 2 pints.
I see friends and people of my age who are successful , have big houses, kids grown up and at uni, nice cars etc and I do feel a little envious for a moment or 3 .

Ive told all my friends of the situation, so everyone is aware and most are pretty understanding .

In ye olden days when I was a lad, this sort of life was normal, folk didnt have credit cards or big loans, you had to manage on what you have.
The hard part is now - when you have to pay your IVA or in my case IPA, once its finished we will have a wee bit more cash .. something to look forward too.

But I ve no debts, my daughter is happy, we had a trip to our local sunday market last w/end and spent a total of £6 and had a right giggle doing it. Her friends are getting used to value crisps and pop !

Im saving for a camping holiday next year, it'll be our first holiday in 3 years, cheap and cheerful but still a holiday, one of her freinds will be coming with us..

Hey up - its going to get better

[:D]

[scaredkez]

spen don't be embarrassed she will probably be glad you told her, if she is a true friend she will stand right beside you, i have only told a few people of my situ, and they have genuinely stood beside me they don't try and embarrass me by trying to pay for things, they just say have you got enough?

mish have you got a tent, you can always borrow one of mine!! i love camping, real camping, my hubby insists on taking the electric hook up so he can watch tv have his kettle, lamp and toaster!!!

camping is one of the best hols ever i do so enjoy it and hope we will be going next year.
kerri

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[catullus]

It's posts like this smh that keep an IP's feet on the ground and make you realise that you are dealing with real people and real problems, and that it's not just a "file"

Some wise words of wisdom on this thread I think.

[Adam Davies]

Hi
I think there is a flip side to telling family and friends in that they totally respect and admire the way that you have dealt or are dealing with your debts.The hardest part is making up your mind to tackle you debt problems,seek a solution and stop paying your creditors.Once you have done this then you truly are on the way to a brighter future and financial rehabilitation.
In my experience children adjust very quickly and you learn that they are not interested in large houses and flash cars..........they want to be able to play with their friends and have a loving home,somethng money can't buy.
Regards

Andy Davie
IVA.co.uk Spokesperson

About me:
http://www.iva.co.uk/andy_davie_profile.asp

IVA Helpline: 0800 197 4838
http://www.iva.co.uk/iva_helpline.asp

[johnz]

Hi [:)]

All of my friends and family know. Even some people at work know. Part of my "rehabilitation" from my spending addiction was to admit that I had been living a lie. Living that lie meant I had lied to my friends and family.

The hardest parts for me are a) knowing how badly my husband is hurting right now. He's been an absolute sweetie and in the 4 weeks since everything came out in the open we've had 2 rows. But he is seriously depressed and there's nothing I can do to help him right now because the trust is gone. and b) I can't buy christmas presents for my friends and family this year. My husband has says he just wants a bag which costs £20.00. I'm keeping my fingers crossed I can afford it. But my nieces (the first is only 1, second is due in December) will have to go without. My sister made me cry she was so lovely about it. She's struggling herself with very little money and she told me that Santa would put something under their tree for the girls from me.

As for work, they have allowed me time off to get things sorted, loaned me a meeting room for the various phone calls and will be screening any calls for me at work from any creditors.

Everyone I've told has been wonderful and they make me feel so humble. I don't deserve their kindness (this is the third time I've got into serious debt - you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now).

The point of this. No matter how proud you are, no matter how much you think you deserve to be alone to deal with this yourself, your family and friends are the torch in the tunnel that you can't see the light at the end of. They'll help you get to the end.

And I know that last bit was very corny, but I couldn't think of any other way to say it [:D]

Johnz

[aguise]

I agree family and friends are a great support, as Andy says a loving family and some fun is more important. John z You can get little things for your nieces just look around poundland and places like that. The little things I find quite often please more than the expensive. Its like babies at xmas always prefer the paper and the box to what is in it. Hubby and I dont buy for b days and xmas but we will treat each other together occasionally or just have a meal together.

Ang

Please visit my blog at http://aguise.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[thebear29uk]

Hi Ang

How was your holiday? Another example of ensuring you get a break with the Sun £1 offer. Hope it was good and you enjoyed the breakfasts you were going to make.

Dave

[mish1953]

Remember folks .. when you go to PoundLand to make sure that you ask how much each individual item costs at the checkout ....

Mish