Physically and mentally exhausted

[johnz]

Well I guess the saying about money being the root of all evil is completely true.

5 weeks + of virtually no sleep. Since I found out on Monday that I can't get an iva I've had no sleep at all. Even though I'm now trying to get a DMP sorted, I'm lying there all night thinking about what to do if that falls through. What's going to happen. Will my husband kick me out.

When the proverbial hit the fan 5 weeks ago, I found myself somewhere in the middle of Wales in my car with a packet of tablets. I was ready to take them all. it was the only way out I could see. And those tablets are still in my car. It's my failsafe. Everytime I go to throw them away I put them back "just in case". How pathetic am I. One minute I feel that everything will be fine, I just have to give it time and it will get sorted. The next it feels like this is going to go on forever and never get any better. I'm just so tired of fighting and worrying and trying to not let it affect my work, and acting all happy and in control for my husband. If anyone knows of any big rocks I can crawl under and stay there for the 100 years, let me know, yeah?

I'm sorry. That was a complete ramble and totally depressing. The last thing you need. I just needed to vent a bit. I hope it's ok.

Johnz

[MelanieGiles]

Hi there Johnz

Please be assured that given your circumstances, and you understand why an IVA is not possible for you, that your DMP company will be doing the utmost to get a settlement sorted with your creditors. This should not take longer than seven days to set up, and I will ensure that my file is now passed to Andrew as a lot of the information on it will be helpful for him.

Please continue to have faith, and try to put those dark thoughts behind you. At this time you ought to be feeling positive that you have addressed the situation, and that things are going to change for you very soon.

Regards, Melanie Giles, Insolvency Practitioner for over 20 years.

To have me propose an IVA for you, please visit:
http://www.melaniegiles.com/ivaEnquiry.asp

See customer feedback at:
http://www.iva.com/iva_companies/IVA_Advice_Bureau.asp

[lily]

Johnz

Please dont give up on life, this is a money matter, do you really think your husband is going to say, well, thats that then she has gone, better get on with my life. No he would be deverstated and he will say, I thought she loved me.

I really do understand how you feel, I struggled with my problems on my own for six months, I couldnt even think of telling anyone, then when I told them, my best friend in the whole world died,the creditors were onto me night and day. I would sit here and think, I cant go on, I cant get over this, I never thought I would stop crying, never thought I would be able to sleep. My kids were depending on me to get myself through it.

All this money you owe, its not worth more than you, youre priceless and cant be bought or replaced.

Your hubby wouldnt want you to suffer in silence, be honest with him, whats the worst thing that can happen???? You are so tired and exhausted right now youre not thinking straight. You have soooo much swimming through your head right now, its all too much. Youre just not going to be able to function properly however hard you try, not with this black cloud hanging. Yes, he will be shocked and upset sometimes the truth is hard to take but lies are so much harder.

Confide in someone, a friend or relative that you can trust, go and see your own GP and tell him/her how youre feeling.

I really feel for you, you know the cloud has to break and you cant run away any more.

We are always here for a rant or a cry if you need one, my heart goes out to you, please believe that you dont have to be alone in this.

Take care

Love and hugs


lily

[maxdebt]

Ah John it is awfull is it not? I was there but I survived it. I hid much of our debts from my wife and she was shocked all to hell when I plucked up the courage to tell her. My wife did not kick me out and now that all is in the open we are stronger!! Melanie(god bless her) pulled us both from the bankruptcy fire and got us an IVA. Put your trust in these people they will help you do whats best. [:)][:X] The biggest mistake I made was ignoring what was happening till it was almost to late

[Rainbow]

Johnz
Just to echo Lily's very wise words hang in there and find the courage to let your husband know surely he must be thinking something is wrong if not by what you are saying but by your body language (He might even think its him!)

Love and Positivie thoughts to you
Rainbow

Every Cloud has a silver lining. At the end of the Rainbow is a Pot of Gold - Or Hope!

[Skippy]

Johnz please don't think of doing anything stupid. Your life is worth far more than money. I can't add anything more to what Lily has said as she says it so well. Good luck, and don't forget we're all here for you x

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[jane.l]

I can relate to what you say! I have my own secret “stash” of sleeping pills hidden in my bedside drawers! (Just as a safety net!)
But, can I just say, CHUCK THEM IN THE BIN!

I was at a really low point a few weeks ago and could not hardly get up in the morning, I had stupidly stopped taking antidepressants that I had been on for the past year, I thought it was time to come off them, but obviously not! I had headaches all the time, dizzy and just could not see the point in anything. I started taking them again and while things are far from OK, I am trying to think of the future once this awful bankruptcy is over, you WILL feel more positive soon, I am sure!

[johnz]

Hi. Thanks for that guys. I finally got a couple of hours sleep last night (albeit medication induced!!), but am having an ok day today.

Hubby know's about all the debt, but because he's seriously not well after everything that's happened, I can't put any more pressure on him by letting him know how hard I'm finding everything.

I can deal most of the time, it's just sometimes, like last night it gets to me. I think the tablets are just a security blanket for me. I won't use them. Been there, done that when I was 14. I can honestly say that what hospitals do to get them back out of you is one of the worst experiences of my life. So when I get really bad, I sit there imagining that, and that talks me out of it. I did have one scary moment, when this all first kicked off and hubby said that it was over between us. Apparantly he found me in the kitchen with a handful of tablets. I can't remember it. He's been very careful around me ever since. I need to get my butt to the doctors, but I just don't have enough hours in the day. Pity they're not open during the night. I have loads of free time then!

Anyway, thanks for everything you guys have said. Sorry it was all so depressing. Onwards and upwards, eh?

Johnz

[Skippy]

Please post as much as you need to - most of us have been where you are at one level or another. We will all support you and no-one will judge you.

Stay strong, you will get there in the end x

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[kah]

I think for many of us - this is the real face of debt. For me, the IVA seemed to lift the burden for a few months. But - it's not any sort of solution. Five years when things outsie your control can impact on the IVA, IPs who were so keen to help during the setup of the IVA become uncontactable, house prices rising so 4th year equity release looks like taking our home away even though the IVA wont(retirement age problem) - changes to the IVA proposal in the meeting that I accepted in a panic and then realised it meant I couldn't help my son through university (he's now repeating his 2nd year - according to his tutor because he is having to work too many hours) - a partner with mental health problems permanently hospitalised so no one to share all this with,,, Apart from this forum. Yes it's a good place for a rant and to share the pros and cons of our experiences. Keep the tablets - but I really hope that you don't need them.

[lily]

Hi Guys

its so true, I had 3 of my 4 kids diagnosed with autism one after the other, I was very young when I had my first so I really didnt know what was happening, I thought at the time, that it was the end of the world. My husband left some years ago and again, I didnt quite know how to get through I just had to. I never felt that I didnt want to live I just thought am I going to be able to rise to the challenge of caring for them, living without him.

Then last year when I realised I couldnt afford to live I wanted to die, I just wanted it to end, sooo many times I thought death was the way out, the constant letters and phone calls, people making demands you just cant meet, it really does de-humanise, hammer the problem home and cause no end of health problems, including depression.

The point I am trying to make is that this debt thing really does bring people to their knees, its a silent, shameful thing, that you just cant easily discuss in the open, like you can health problems etc. I did go to my Doctors, I have children that need me and I kept that thought in my head, I kept a photo of my smiling kids in the medicine cupboard, so I wouldnt do anything silly.

Anyone who has pills stashed away, just in case things get too much is in need of help. Its not the huge things that drive you to it either, it could be something little like an argument with a loved one that just tips you over the edge. That one moment, youre angry, hopeless, desperate and alone, life has no meaning and is totally unbearable and bang, down the pills go as you take it out on the one person you can...... YOU.

My advice would be to anyone feeling this way is to go to the GP, tell the GP, this sort of behavior is an emergency.

If you need to keep the tablets in a place of escape make sure you have to do a, b and c before you take that action. Look at photographs of your loved ones, imagine someone telling them that youre dead, imagine what they will say at your funeral.

Remember that you cant come back and say sorry, or I did love you or even I couldnt take anymore. You will never know if you could have been happy again, or if your family will ever come to terms with your death.

lily

[Skippy]

Lily your last post made me cry - it's so true. I reached my lowest point 8 1/2 years ago when my dad died suddenly. Dave found me sitting in my car with a bottle of vodka and a couple of packets of pills. I hadn't taken any but I was very close. He made me think about the people I would leave behind, and I couldn't do it. After that I spent money like it was going out of fashion which contributed towards my debts and I can remember driving home the night I'd decided to tell Dave and wishing I had the courage(?) to drive into a wall.

I would say to anyone with pills in the cupboard PLEASE throw them away. While it might not seem like it at the moment you will get through this. Reading these posts has made me think of what I would have missed out on if I'd actually taken the pills or driven into the wall - I've had a lot of heartache but also a lot of good times. If you feel like this please speak to your GP and get help.

Good luck to everyone who is going through a bad time at the moment, and I hope that things soon get better for you x

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[johnz]

Strangly, the main thing that stops me is knowing that if I went through with it my husband would be left to deal with my debts.

Johnz

[johnz]

Oh, and I know what you mean about what I would miss. Over the years I've been so glad my last attempt failed. I would never have met my husband otherwise.

Johnz

[Skippy]

Dave and I actually split up shortly after my dad died but obviously we got back together and we've had some great times. When you are feeling down, try and remember that you have been glad that your last attempt failed. You have come through a lot of problems in the past and you will come through this.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/