Physically and mentally exhausted

[lily]

I think my worst point came in March, I didnt really want to die but living was also a horrible thought. I dont think you need to be brave to take your own life, when its so unbearable, you just dont think straight. Its far braver to stay and fight, youre not going to feel on top of the world when you have a huge weight on your shoulders and the world dosent seem to care, youre not able to communicate anymore, you have just gone too far. I am sooo glad your last attempt failed JohnZ. Please make sure you find time to see your GP, I am not sure what the position is with hubby right now, butI am he will be considering the possibility of you making an attempt again when you are so exhausted and hopeless. It is important to reasure him as well as yourself, that it isnt an option, with the help of your GP's input, your mood can be lifted.

I feel for you right now, please take care.


lily

[kah]

Lilly - thank you your postings. Doctors and antidepressants do not remove sheer misery, exhaustion and the hard slog with no real end in site. It's good not to be alone in this.

[scaredkez]

i am so sorry johnz you are feeling this way, can't really say anything as lily has said it all, you owe money not your life, i really hope everything can be turned round for you and both you and hubby can work through this, lily's abc advice is excellent, i would certainly throw those tablets away, really thinking of you at this time and hope we can help you get through this dark time, in your life.
kerri

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[mish1953]

Hi guys, its Friday night and the skies are alight with fire works, my dog is having bowel problems , my cat wont get off my lap and my ex wife's Husky is glued to my feet, my daughter has 1/2 dozen mates in the living room - Im sure they are 1/2 cut.
Aint life grand .

A cautionary tale for this thread and Im going to be blunt.
Firstly its only money
Secondly suicide hurts the people around you more than you can beleive .

How does he know that i hear you ask ..

1987 I had to move from Scotland to Lancashire for my job, the day I moved down south my mum went missing. Mum wasnt the most stable of ladies and had a history of multiple attempted suicides, I sent a lot of my free time as a teenager visiting her in mental hospitals, dealing with visits from the police, watching her getting her stomach pumped, trust me you dont ever want to see you mum getting electric shock therapy .

I came back to scotland at weekends - I was staying in digs until I could buy a house..
Anyway mum was missing for 10 weeks,I was on a new job during the week and helping the police search for her at weekends and trying to run her hairdressing business.. after 10 weeks they found her, dead, in some woods about a 100 miles from home in the highlands. She had taken a drink & drugs cocktail and had been partly eaten by wildlife, I had to identify the body .

I had to wind her business up, deal with the funeral, her sister - my aunt - had a breakdown, my first marriage broke up, I had to close the doors and just lock my life and feelings away for years .. I ended up working 120 hours a week just to take my mind off it all. It took 2 years to sort out her estate and all the tax problems that she had.

That was 20 yrs ago this year, every time I go near Pitlochry I say hello to her and hope that shes happier now.

So trust me .. it really hurts those left behind.

My life is not great, Im BR, Im a single parent, I m always skint, I have no girlfriend to talk to or hold if Im down. Im paying an IPA of £80 a month, after 3 years I'll be £80 a month better off .. mind you the child benefit and tax credit will have stopped by then so I'll have less money than I do now.. I will lose my house, I may be homless for a while , Im 54 yrs old.

Theres no way in hades that Im going to put my daughter through what I went through.

There ya go ... life aint really that bad is it .

Hugs to all
Mish [:D]

[Lisa2009]

Oh Mish, thats such a sad story. It must have been so hard for you.
Nobody deserves to go through that. Its brilliant that you are so strong for your daughter. Shes very lucky to have such a great dad and im sure she knows that and will always love and apreciate what she has with you, wherever you live or whatever the situation.

mrs skint

[mish1953]

Aww thanks Mrs Skint,

Sometime Im pretty sure someone put a curse on me, I mean wife number 2 and I split up 'cos she decided that she was a lesbian and wanted to explore her sexuallity .. left me with a 7 year old, my mates say I should write a book about my life but reckon the publishers would go bust.

Oh my ex and I are good mates by the way, I respect her for having the strangth of character to do what she did .. didnt like it much at the time tho ! As a result a lot of the lassie I know are lesbians .. Im surrogate dad, or agony uncle.

Being made redunant .. now that was interesting .. as was tyring to find an new IT job when I was over 50.

Ya jest have to chuckle . [:D]

Somtimes the gods smile on you and sometimes they just have to take a dump..[8D]

Slainte
Mish

[Lisa2009]

Thats the greatest thing about you Mish, always a smile and a sense of humour. Dont ever change. All i can say is its been their loss and as long as you have your lovely daughter you will never be lonely. I bet all her mates think you are cool too.
I have not seen my natural father since i was 10 years old. His choice. I grew up so much wanting a dad. My mum later married a wonderful man (sadly no longer with us) he was my DAD and in my heart he always wil be.
Our youngest is suspected Autistic and hes such a funny little man.
Some of the things he says make us sit up and think how funny his grandad would have found that. But then we laugh and say Grandad is probably whispering in his ear telling him what to say.
Families are so precious and will always love us UNCONDITIONALLY.


mrs skint

[mish1953]

Awww my dad's dad , was a character , he looked like a demented popeye, cauliflower ears, one eye , smoked a foul smelling pipe, he won medals at Ypres , didnt say much, he was also a master baker (say it fast ) .. he used to kill the family budgies with the smoke .. what a character.

I left home when I was nine .. I got sent off to boarding school when my parents split up, mum in a mental hospital and dad working in Borneo , I ended up at prep school on tranqilisers 'cos at the end of term all the other kids went home and no one came to collect me ... I loved school after that , it was home, the only stable thing in my life. I saw my dad maybe once every couple of years, and mum when I went to visit her in the holidays. I spent holidays being moved around relatives, had no money 'cos the school fees were paid by the Malayan govt who dad was working for . Got my first holiday job at 12 and worked every scchool holiday so I could have some money.

I bumped into my dad when I was 21 after not seeing him for 6 years .. I didnt know where he was .. he was in front of me in a shop .

But after all that my biggest regret is that neither my mum or dad lived long enough to see Danielle , my daughter, they would have loved her to bits.

Hmmmm maybe my history explains my attitude .. just slightly bonkers .. he he .

Slainte
Mish

[Lisa2009]

Bonkers is good!!! [:D] dont change ok

mrs skint

[Skippy]

You stay just the way you are Mish. To have had the tragedies and setbacks in your life that you have had, and to come through them with your positive attitude shows what a special person you are. Your daughter must be so proud of you. You will meet someone special one day - they say there is someone for everyone and I know she's out there somewhere.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[spenmotherhen]

Mish, I have a special list in my purse which I write down the names of everyone who has helped me in my life or done something very special for our family.

WHEN I win the lottery I AM going to share the money with all of the poeple that have helped me.

After reading your thread I am going to add you on my list as you have had some real challenges to deal with and regardless to all of that you still find the time to help others here on the forum and support your daughter. You keep a great a sence of humour and are a real treasure.

Lets hope I win more than a tenner!!!

[spenmotherhen]

Sounds a bit like "Earls Karma list" lol!!

[Angelus]

Hi Johnz,
Your not alone, despiration made those thoughts enter my mind. I have no religious faith, so I couldn't say that some god was doing all these sh!t things to me and my family for some higher reason. I wanted to simply die. However, I have found, in life all things are transient, beit life itself, wealth and happiness. But by that rationale all bad things are transient as well.

There will be a flurry of things happening to you that are out of your control but I find it important to stop once in a while from simple pleasures. Debt is only part of what you are not the sum of your personality. The reason you stopped doing what you were about to do is you know that you care about those you would leave behind and most importantly YOU MATTER

[lily]

Mish

After reading this thread, you are a shining example to the rest of us with half your problems. I am so glad to have known you, even though its virtual, you are a very special person and deserve a break.

Good luck for 2008 and have a happy christmas

lily

[scaredkez]

mish how sad, you are a shining example of a father,i hope you have a lovely xmas the both of you, at the end of the day family matter.
love kerri

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/