Please help me feeling desperate. My husband has left me because of my debt problem and won't give our marriage another chance until I sort this out once and for all, to be fair to him I have abused his trust numerous times with regards to money over the years. I currently in approx £30,000 of unsecured debt all in my name. I have been stupidly gambling to try make money but ultimately make the problem worse. I promised myself that this year I would tackle this head on once and for all, after all I am 41 years of age, intelligent and I need to get a grip of myself, I feel deeply ashamed. I earn a fairly decent wage and would have approximately £700 disposable income. Can somebody please advise me if an IVA or bankruptcy would be the best option for me. I just want to put this right.
Kiwijo73 you are amongst support here and will get good support.
There are excellent professionals such as Melanie Giles & Michael Peoples plus seasoned posters such as Foggy - and we all are on some kind of journey with our finances.
No need to feel alone ore ashamed.
There is no financial situationthat cannot be resolved given time and a plan, please remember that.
One you start out you will be able to see a way forward.
All the best with your plans going forward.
I am sorry to hear about the problems you are having at the moment but there will be a solution for you which can help you look forward and hopefully save your marriage.
Seek some advice so you know all the options available and can then decide which one would be the best option for you.
PJG Recovery have a free online advice channel at www.debtadvicetv.com. If you are ready to ask us for specific advice or help, then get in touch at www.pjgrecovery.com/contact-us.asp . I look forward to speaking to you.
Hello and welcome. Might I suggest you discuss your options ( and there are a few) with an Insolvency Professional.
There is a list of reputable companies at www.iva.com or a quick look around the forum will show a few who are head and shoulders above the rest
You need to speak to a couple to compare advice and to see who you feel comfortable with, as this will be a financially intimate relationship over a few years.
We have a few posters who fell foul to gambling and have managed to sort themselves and their finances out -- so it CAN be done.
My opinions are merely that .. opinions based on experience. Always seek professional advice.
IVA Completed 23rd July 2013 .... C.C. 10th January 2014
Welcome to the forum - as others have said you are not alone and having asked for help and support we will be here to give it to you.
Speak to a couple of the recommended IVA providers - they will go through your circumstances with you and advise which debt solution is most suitable to your needs.
There is normally someone on the forum until late at night or early in the morning - not many hours go by where one of the experts or moderators isn't about - feel free to post any questions at any time ...things will work out for you I am positive x
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
There is a solution for everyone .... Just need to stay positive !
I think your husband has used the nuclear button to get you to understand that you need to sort out your debts in a responsible manner. In time you may see that he was doing this with your best interests at heart - and I am sure that when he seeks you are taking things seriously he will return to you and give you his ultimate support.
I have seen this sort of thing happen so many times with clients of my own, that I can strongly recommend that the appointment of an insolvency practitioner will enable you to discuss your circumstances sensibly with someone who will not judge or criticise you, and your husband can also speak with them to ensure that you are aware of his support but will also give him another dimension to sound off about if he needs to.
Gambling addiction is an illness, but it can be cured - and quite easily. Last year I dealt with a number of gambling based cases, and found creditors generally sympathetic - but you do just need to want to change things around and when you have convinced yourself you can then convince others around you.
Your husband is the most precious thing in the world - don't throw all that away without at least seeking some free advice from professionals that will really care about helping you - and more importantly can.
My IVA was mostly down to gambling. Creditors included NRA, Egg, Barclays & others (!) so it certainly isn't a show stopper.
And it can be done - no bet for 3 & a half years, & a F&F agreed this week, 2 years early. And I still have my lovely wife who almost went as far as your husband has in forcing me to see sense in the 1st place.
Thank you all so much for your kind words & encouragement, had a tear in my eye to know that people truly understand. I am under no illusion, and know that I have to find a way forward. As for gambling it brings me absolutely no joy or buzz and will gladly leave it behind. I feel more than ready now to tackle this head on & will certainly be seeking help from an IP come Monday. Thanks again x
Good luck kiwijo73. Its not easy when you try your hardest to make life better for you & your family and only end up making things much worse by trying the gambling route. It really doesnt work. Been there and got the t-shirt....along with more grey hair, shunned by part of my family and a deep feeling of regret and remorse mixed in with being ashamed and believe me its far harder to get rid of these feelings than being in an IVA.
Fortunately the IVA gave me a "lifeline" and in my case I mean a "lifeline"!
As others have said I would totally agree that you should talk it through wth an IP....even if they deem an IVA not to be your best route.
I chose Melanie Giles and her staff as my IVA company but there are others out there. Believe me it sill brings tears to my eyes when I remember the first call I ever made to them and although I've now lost my job and back to concerns over my current & future financial position, had I not picked up the phone to Melanie nearly 5 years ago, I doubt my current position would even be worth thinking about....infact I know I would be unable to deal with life full stop. Now that may sound over the top but thats how debt affected me.
You will get loads of advice, help & support off this forum but make that call to an IP and start getting your life back on track. Your husband is probably no differant to many partners out there who feel equally disgusted by the financial mess that some of us get into.......but much of that will be shock and within time you will find he will support you.
Good luck.
I came into this world with nothing and still have most of it left!
Can I suggest you attend gamblers annonymous and look for open meetings in your area i.e bring a friend/relative. You could perhaps ask your husband to attend and show him the destructive nature of gambling addiction from experiences in the room. True "compulsive" Gambling addiction "can't" be cured, only addressed and kept under wraps with help. Depends on your temperament as people are different. It often comes back out of the shadows and bites us on the bum so to speak. If the addiction is that serious, you could need to go to GA for the rest of your life. I know people that lost everything, had years of abstinance, then it came back and destroyed their lives again. Its gets very little press, but its advertised on tv/papers ect. Its as bad as narcotics and alcohol, if not worse. The life of a gambler is pure insanity. I have a gambling problem. 1000 days clean though now with help from GA. I had a problem and took the first small step of going to a meeting. Never looked back so far.
