Really fed up now

[elizabethr]

Really fed up. Got a really demanding job and finding it hard to concentrate at work. Had a training seminar this morning on something I really needed to concentrate on to be able to put it to use - found myself wandering and then panicking because I missed something - now I will probably do the job wrong!!! Don't know if I can carry this "sorting my debts out" through - wish I hadn't cut up the cards and could go out for a meal. Thinking I should try and get a job on more money but that would mean more stress. Have started making enquiries for way forward but the way forward gets more cloudy by the minute and I can't keep positive. Can't do off sick again as used up most of my paid sick leave with my Crohns flair up and if I get stressed and go off again we will be right up .... creek without a paddle (think thats the expression. Have seriuosly thought about emigrating on my own and leaving husband and children to sort things out without me.

[angela18]

elizabeth, have you spoke to someone about your financial troubles. we felt much the same as you, at the start but once speaking to melanies team started to see the fog lifting. bear with it there will be a solution to your problems and i'm sure an expert will be able to help.

[MelanieGiles]

Elizabeth

It may be time to start sharing the burden of your ongoing financial difficulties with someone who can actually help you to consider options and possibilities.

You are having dark thoughts which seem to be affecting your work performance and home life, and are not going to cope with any more stress.

I feel sure that with a little guidance and a helping hand that you can work through this, with the support of your husband and kids alongside you.

Can I urge you to speak to an insolvency practitioner or debt councellor as soon as you can, as I know that you will feel better just sharing some of the issues and knowing that you are not alone.

[angela18]

its true elizabeth, click on melanies link, we did.. best decision we have made!!

her team are lovely, helpful and most of all non judgemental.. give it a go what have you got to lose

[aguise]

Elizabeth talk to someone now. I know you feel like it cant be sorted but it can, there will be a solution, but the only way is to move forward and to deal with it. I remember feeling as you do but deep down I knew at some point I had to face it and get the help I needed. My only regret is that didnt do it sooner.
I really would suggest talking to either Melanie or Ian or Paul at reviva. They are all lovley, no-one is going to judge you but they will ultimately be able to give the advice you need.
I am also happy if you want it for admin to give you my email if you would just like to chat, with someone who has been there.
You will be fine, family and other things are really so much more important.

Ang xx

[aguise]

Sorry Melanie just my usual slow typing.

Ang

[chris.g]

There is a solution Elizabeth, you know things can't go on the way they are. Melanie has helped so many people on and off this forum, why not get in touch with her team and talk things through? If you know what your options are then you may feel a bit better.
We have all been totally confused and desperate about our debt, thinking that there was no way out, but there is..... it's just finding it and seeking the advice to help you find it.
Take care and try not to worry,
xx

[elizabethr]

I have talked to both Ian and a member of Melanie's team just this week for initial chat and they have been very supportive but it has still made me feel very down because I don't think I have many options. I know the whole situation is being reviewed by experts and I will be talking some more but I get the impression that I haven't much to offer in the way of payments for an IVA. I have spoken to Andrew Graveson re mortgage and will be having another discussion but from my knowledge of the lending industry on the surface a remortgage doesn't seem a sensible approach considering the little disposable income I have and also the mortgage deal I have at the moment people would die for in the current climate. I know that all professionals on here are very supportive and will help as best they can but I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[lily]

Elizabeth, I know how stressful this is, all of us do, with certain expert exceptions but you cant just run away from it and leave your hubby and children. That would make you feel so much worse, what sort of relief would that honestly bring. Your kids will be depending on you to get yourself through this and you will.

I know it seems cloudy right now, because it is, you only have to do one positive thing a day to help you survive and thats what it is babe, a survival for a while. None of us know where our journey will end, if someone would have told me how my journey would end, I wouldnt have believed them. I certainly wouldnt have chosen it but at the end of the day its only money and your hubby and kids are worth much more, so are you.

It all seems a bit much right now because youre trying to deal with it alone, but you dont have to be, just put some trust into someone and let them help you, right now. None of us know whats round the corner, we all need help at times, youre low in confidence but you will feel better when you take the horns and go for it.

You cant expect to feel good right now but slowly with each step I know you will. I was so down there at times, thought about suicide but I just coped one day at a time.

Take care,

[emma_t]

Hi Elizabeth

I am really sorry to see that you are feeling so down, please look after yourself as it will flare up your chrons.

Debts can seem all consuming at times but they need to be faced otherwise they take over and lead to the kind of negative thoughts you are having.
Have you anyone you can talk to face to face or maybe go to the doctor and they can suggest counselling to help you work through this and make you feel moe positive.

Really wish you well
Emma x

[facingittogether]

hi elizabeth

just want to say to you no amount of problems is worth more than your health or the sacrifice of your husband and children. how would the children cope without their mum?

most of us on here have been where you are now in one way or another to a degree, but there honestly will be a solution for you, please ask for some help. i know when we are so low we feel like failures, embarassed about our situation but we make mistakes and learn from them and come out the other side better people!

please keep on posting on here - there are lots of us here to support you!

love barb x

!

[buttercup]

Elizabeth

We all know how you feel & have been there and lots of us are coming out the other side just like you will. The best thing I did was to pick up the phone to Melanie’s office. I spoke to Tina who is a debt councillor as well as working with Melanie. Tina was the greatest help I had. I was like you at the time in a very dark place & just wanted the earth to open up & swallow me. When I first told my husband was the worst day of my life & at the time I did not feel that a problem shared was a problem halved I just felt I had put a huge problem onto his shoulders. After speaking to Tina my thoughts changed & I really felt like help was at hand & from then on My IVA went quickly, smoothly & successfully.

Do not wait any longer help is only a phone call away. Like Barb said there will be a solution for you & it will not be as bad as you think.Right now it is consuming you soon it will be behind you

XX

[lily]

Hi again

Even if BR is the only solution you can survive this. I know its hard, scary and feels like its too big a mountain to climb but it will be worth it in the end. Even your kids can help you through this.

I used to cry a lot and my kids didnt know what to do. So I said to them, Mommy isnt happy right now and needs your help, you can make me a cup of tea when I cry, you can get a tissue and you can give me a hug. They used to sit waiting for me to cry so they could jump into action and I gained so much from that. Instead of being afraid they were pleased they could help.

I am thinking of you and hoping that you find the strength from somewhere to face the next step. We are all behind you, so whenever you feel lost, alone and afraid, we are here.

Love

[Emily]

You can vent your anger if you live in London at the Mayor election, many are voting to show disappoval to govenment economic 'BUST' polices creating a indebted society - even the Arch Bishop of Cantabury have weight into the debate and said the credit crisis are due to Ministers' approach in allowing the Banks to lend lend lend.

With HBOS's 8 billion pounds of wobbly loans at stake in the US(2 billion £ write off announced) there cannot be anymore arguments of - it is not the Banks fault! You don't lost that much money and that's only one bank and say it is the borrowers' fault.......

Vote to vent your anger..

[ianmillington]

Hi Elizabeth

I know from our discussion the other day that life is not easy for you at the moment. That is an understatement obviously. The event you have described is a sure sign that you need to see some light at the end of the tunnel, so that you can then focus on what is important to you, your job, your family ......

To do this you need to talk to either one of Mels team, my team, or someone else's team for that matter, in detail and armed with the spreadsheet of your income and expenditure which you couldn't access when we spoke. Have you got it back now? If so,please get hold of someone asap as the sooner you take steps to address the problem and take control of it, rather than the other way, the sooner you will start to feel better. There certainly is life after debt.

Ian