Serious illness

[wonder]

I feel for you both, Ida & Swans girl. I.m very lucky that my family are healthy, but I feel guilty at times when I cant give my children things they need. I lost my cousin last month which was a shock.She had cancer twice. My husband had cancer years ago before I met him and he recovered well and we were able to have our little girl two and a half years ago so I feel blessed and lucky. [:I]

[debtmountain]

Julie,..I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, my thoughts are with you all on this very sad occasion...xx

Ida,...hope you're ok today,..I'm glad to hear you're finally getting somewhere with hubby having all the tests now and I hope once he get's the treatment and chemo, and the cancer starts to shrink,he will start feeling so much better...There's still a long way to go for you all, and there will be times when hubby get's angry, but it's like my step-mum always said to me when my dad was going through it, he's angry with the pain he's experiencing and not being able to eat properly.....I've lost count the number of times that she took it all to heart and thought he was angry with her and felt she couldn't cope anymore., before she realised that it was the cancer that was making him angry, not the family who he loved.. I asked my dad once what the pain was like, he didn't want to tell me at first but then said to me to imagine any pain you've been through and times it by ten...I know what I'm like when I have toothache or a bad headache, you're naturally grumpy ( well I am[:)]) so can imagine just what anyone who has cancer is going through, one heck of a lot of pain and suffering....You will get through all of this Ida, however long it takes, remain strong and as always, we are all here for you every step of the way when you need to "talk" or just have a rant....xx

[kallis3]

Pleased to hear it wonder.

Heidi - sorry that you lost a patient as well.

Sending my thoughts today to everyone who has lost a dear one or whose loved ones are ill.

[Julie]

Hope you're ok today Ida and managing to enjoy some of this lovely sunshine.xx

[Skippy]

Ida, I hope you're as ok as you can be.

I hope you won't mind me saying this, but if your children are old enough to understand what is going on, please don't shut them out. My dad was ill when I was growing up, and he and mum never told me what was happening, even when I was older, which made it worse for me as sometimes imagining what is happening (especially when you've got a vivid imagination like me) was awful.

I hope you don't think I'm poking my nose in as I completely understand you know what's best for your children xxx

[MelanieGiles]

That is really good advice Skippy - my best friend at school had a very sick Dad, and her Mum refused to discuss anything with her at all, leaving a very worried and insecure little girl for a long time.

He thankfully recovered, but I think she would have been a great support to her Mum, had she been let in.

[nursecrippin]

Ida,
hope you are ok hun and holding that chin up high.

What skippy has said is good sound advice , its going to be hard but try and involve the kids and discuss it with them, there is a support group/ or even the macmillan nurses will be able to give you some sound advice on how to tell the children. Take care hun xxx

[kallis3]

I agree with Skippy, Melanie and Heidi.

Your kids know something is up, and the more you leave them out, the more worried they will get. They may start to get angry and frustrated that you're not telling them what is going on.

It will be very upsetting for everyone concerned but you will all be able to support each other.

[Skippy]

That's how I was Melanie - I wouldn't go on school trips or anything in case something happened when I was away. I can't help thinking that if I'd understood more about what was going on things I would have been more secure. Even as I got older they still didn't tell me what was going on, and mum is still like it to this day.

I know mum and dad thought they were doing the right thing, and that they were protecting me but I'd rather have been more involved.

[kallis3]

I agree - when you are a child you have a very vivid imagination and all sorts of things go through your mind.

It can also help to know about it so that if the unthinkable (god forbid) happens, it's not so much of a shock.

[Ida Clare]

Hiya all.

We will be telling the children, we do plan to just when we have the answers to their questions.

He went to Cheltenham yesterday for his PET scan, and today to the oncologist. It was very good in that although they would normally send the scan results and these would take a few days the oncologist able to ring them and get some preliminary things faxed through.

We are ok but we were told this PET scan would answer questions, has it spread? If so, how far? Where? What harm has it done? etc.

It didn't actually answer those questions, it threw up more.

It looks for "bad" so anything not right is identified as not right, not as cancerous or non cancerous, if you see what I mean? It obviously saw the tumour, very large. It's touching the covering of the left lung and there is something of a problem there. That is to be expected really and we weren't shocked.

However, it detected changes "bad" in both lungs.

It also detected a mass on his jaw.

More scans and more biopsies.

However, his chemo will start next wednesday, whatever, but instead of answers we have more questions and they will use conventional scans now to see what's happening![:(]

[Julie]

Ida - thanks for taking the time to update us, I'm sure you have enough on your plate, without worrying about keeping us in the picture. We really do appreciate it.

Even though the scans have thrown up more questions, try to keep positive. How is hubby dealing with it all?

[Ida Clare]

I actually don't think we've been more as we used to be since that first post I made here.

I know it sounds odd, but these last few weeks the fear of what we don't know, the waiting, it was honestly as if I didn't know myself (we were laughing today, yes laughing, made me jump too! [:D]) I said something hadn't been like me and he said no it wasn't, it was like someone else and that pretty much sums it up, I was a different person, so was he, now we KNOW something, business as usual.

I told him, he isn't going anywhere.

He said he'd try not to make good excuses and do what he's told. [:D]

I warned him no excuse is a good one, he goes nowhere, we need him and love him too much.

He wouldn't dare, would he? [:D]

(I am sorry but although we had no good news exactly we had no exact bad news but we did get a starting point and something we can fight!)

[jackie90]

Ida. My best wishes to you and your family. our debt problems seem so trivial after reading your post.I hope that you get the support that you need. Macmillan had answers to many questions when my brother was ill and helped immensely.Take as much help that is offered to you and i do hope and pray for you all. xx

[Skippy]

I'm sorry you've ended up with more questions Ida, but as you say now you've got something to fight you've got something to focus on.

Lots of love to you both xxx