so so anxious

[kat68]

Hi all, ive been reading the posts on here for the past week, and decided its time i joined in.

Im in the very initial stages of the IVA process, eventually making that all important phone call on the 17th of this month, i had dialed the first few numbers to melanie giles office and hung up many times.

I was so relieved to find as many on this forum had stated they were entirely non judgemental, and very very helpful and reassuring.

Heres a little of my debt background which i feel i need to share, i have no one else i can do this with at the moment, i am so embarrassed.

My debt started about 13 years ago following a divorce from my husband who cheated, we had two children together a child in her early teens and an 18 month old, i worked part time and was desperate to secure my house , my husband was giving me a very hard time during the divorce and became quite treatening, he also gave up his job and hobbled so as not to pay child maintenance.so to get it all over and done with quickly in the divorce settlement i agreed to do my best to release my ex from the mortgage, to take on shared debts we had in my own name which totalled 8000 pounds and to cash in and pay him off with an endowment policy we shared. On top of this i needed to purchase a car for work, i had two children worked shifts and had to drop them off very early in the morning before work, this was another debt of 3500 pounds and i am ashamed to say one i knew was going to be difficult to afford.
And that was how it all started..along came my first credit card then another then a consolidation and so on. eventually i went back to work full time and just about got buy.
then some years later i met a man who was my partner (we never lived together) until 2 weeks ago. i fell head over heels, by this time i had been on my own with 2 children for four and a half years, he had a good job with a good income and a son from a previous marriage, all was going well when he suggested a holiday together children and all to florida, i was so excited and desperatly wanted to go, so i put my share on a credit card, i paid for a holiday this way every year we were together,at the time i was aware i was getting in deeper and deeper,but it made me happy for a short time, and after what i'd been through i felt i deserved to be happy! and this is why i feel so angry and down on myself now, paying with credit for general living expenses is bad enough, but paying for things i could have done without was down right stupid.
Anyway like i said things didnt work out with him and seven and a half years ended 10 days ago.
Its made me reflect on my life and i cant believe that at the age of 42 i have just over one thousand pounds worth of debt for each year i have lived. my income and out goings (minimal payments only) are equal. ive joined an agency to work some extra shifts but its difficult with one daughter still at home, i feel guilty when i am not spending as much time with her as i should be. and i worked out if i continued to make the minimum payment and then re spend a little of that payment to just to live its going to take me in excess of 30 years to repay all i owe.
And surprisingly as if by magic just after i had worked these figures out, my bank account manager contacted me to offer a very large loan of money to pay off my credt card with them, the loan repayments would have been more than the credit card, certainly more than i could have afforded to pay, and surely when they can see my income and out goings they can see this!! but then I guess thats why they make the fortunes they do.
i apologise in advance for rambling, i hope i havnt bored you to much, even if no one reads this it feels good to off load.
i am terrified my IVA wont go through, I am terrified of a life without credit, its all ive known for 13 years now, im terrified if any thing major happens to my house etc. i have nothing or no one to fall back on to help pay for anything unexpected. but more than this i am excited at the thought of possibly being given another chance, a fresh start, a life where i live off what i have and not what i borrow.
And if i am to take another positive view the IVA application is taking my mind off my break up and vice versa.
i am so glad i found this site,you all seem to be a wonderful support to each other.
Kat68

[Broke of London]

You have absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed by. Your ex-husband on the other hand should be thoroughly ashamed of himself for leaving you in such a difficult position. It's incredibly difficult to bring up children alone and you are a young woman working hard who does deserve happiness!!! You are obviously very strong and resilient so getting the iva going will be a doddle...particularly with Mel 'best in the business' Giles on your team! Keep posting - your story will be a great support for others in similar circumstances. Good luck xx

[nepensioner]

Hi Kat
Welcome. What a brave decision you have taken facing up to your situation of debt. Its not easy is it, but you have come to the right place for support and general advice, after all nearly all of us have been in that very same position. I was like you and could not discuss with family and thats what makes this forum a godsend. I have since told one close friend who surprisingly said that she thought I had done well to face my situation and try to repay creditors as much as I could afford. Do keep posting here, there is normally someone around, and keep strong, you are doing really well.

[back on track]

your not alone in the things you haver run up debt for.
i was the same but when it was so easy to get any credit you wanted you dont stop to think that one day its got to be paid back.
you have made the move that will alter all your debt problems.
its scary when you start out but that feeling when your iva gets accepted is imense.
you have picked an excellent ip in mel so dont fret too much.
its hard in an iva and strange to be doing without credit to fall back on but its nothing like the stress you have when your up to your eyballs in debt
trust me

[Foggy]

Hello and welcome -- you will be safe in Mel's hands and I am positive she and her team will do their best for you.

I cannot understand your husbands attitude ( I have been divorced -- being the "injured" party, yet the sole concern was tyhe kid's welfare) -- however, that is a discussion for another time.

Getting used to life without credit takes some adjusting to -- but, to be honest, it is a better life with a lot of pressure removed. If the credit card industry was sent back in time by about 4 decades we would all be so much happier!

Anyway -- I am rambling now. Keep posting and ask any questions that occur to you.

Good luck on your journey.

[Rosepetal]

Hi, it takes courage to face the level of debt we have,you will find the board&people here a great support. so many feel/have felt just the same,just as fearful. there is always someone who will reply,even if just to give emotional support.

my parents know but that was purely panic on my part,it's ended up they've been very,very kind&supportive,but even so i find myself avoiding ringing them- i'm ashamed. i don't intend on telling my brother or sister. you need someone to lean on so use us,we all help each other!

time for a new start,living within your means!

remember,however difficult the next few weeks feel that things are moving along and you are not alone,big hug x

[kat68]

Wow what quick replys,
Thanks so much for your kind words of reassurance,
i feel really emotional now.
thanks again.

[ginger3232]

Kat68 - we all have stories to tell(but a Foggy has said that for another time) You should be proud of youself bringing up kids and giving all you can. You have already made a really big decision - you want to be in control of your debt - Congrats on that !

No one going to say its easy to start to work on a budget or to be involved in an IVA. -It is NOT. But you have already made the hardest decision - picking that phone up and speaking to someone about it.

I am sure most of the other forum member will agree - if there is a query/problem regarding anything, then mention it here, rather than worry about it at home.

[kallis3]

Great posts from everyone and wanted to add my welcome.

A good idea might be to do a blog? A lot of us have done them and find it very therapeutic and there is always the chance of winning some vouchers if you get picked as blog of the week!

[Shining]

Hi and welcome from myself too. Melanie and her team are wonderful and I can say that first hand as she is my IP. Keep posting or as Jan suggests a blog might be a good idea, either way do stay around. x

[MelanieGiles]

Hi there Kat - and well done for sharing your story with us on the forum. I hope you felt better after dumping all of that badness into text, and the fact that you have a few debts now to deal with is not unsuprising.

I am glad that we have been able to help you - both financially and emotionally, and I very much look forward to speaking to you personally soon. We will get you back on track with the right solution for you and your children.

[kat68]

Hi melanie,
I certainly hope there is a solution to my debt problems, after reading all of the excellent recomendations on this forum about yourself, i already feel i'm in good hands, and if you can't help me find a solution then probably no one can.

[kallis3]

You've picked a good company Kat.

[shoestring]

Kat68
I have just joined as well and I know how you are feeling,I know people say 'it's good to talk' but sometimes you have to be careful 'who' you talk too, I viewed this sit many many times before taking the plunge but after many sleepless nights and consistently hiding in corners to have a good cry, I feel better knowing there are some genuine people out there trying to help us in times of trouble. Good Luck

[kallis3]

The site is brilliant for support and advice. We have a nice social side as well and I have made some good friends off forum as well.

We do meet up a couple of times a year as well. It's brilliant if you can't talk about things to family or friends.