split up from husband..

[Soulgrowth]

NME ... so sad to hear your news, but you have done the right thing for you and your little children.

Always remember that we are all here for you.

Debbie

[no money eva]

Thanks again everyone.

Freelili: It was really hard living with him, but as you say its the sharing the good and bad things that have happened throughout the day. as said earlier little one started playgroup today and he came round for a few minutes to get some stuff but I wanted him to stay for a while so I could tell him about the litte things she had done, but he didnt and I would never have asked him.

I know it will get better on a daily basis, but I work in mental health (admin) and have to deal with people in similar situations and I feel like i ll end up a patient at this rate, lol.

I work term time, so have just had 6 weeks off, cant have any time off as it would look very bad on my part.

[freelili]

Take all the help you can get from anyone willing to offer it. I tried to be this self sufficient, tough and I dont need anyone kind of single mom, I couldnt do it. I went to the GP and told all, they knew anyway really, as he had been to get some help but it was just too late.

Accept for now youre fragile and give yourself a hug or two. It does take time but we are all here for you.

One other thing, I learned much later on, dont only see the bad side of him, accept his good side too. There is nothing wrong with saying to him, look, can I talk about the wee one. He will feel as sad as you do. When my mother died my ex was actually fantastic. My daughter was only a baby, he doesnt really know her little ways but she has positive contact with him, they all do, its good for them, As long as it is positive.

[no money eva]

Thank you soo much lily for your kind words. It is very much appreciated.

regards

NME x

[moretolife]

NME....i am so sad for you....we have so many friends and family who have been through this and it is so tough for everyone involved....one of the wee boys i childmind ....his parents are only young...21 and 24 and they have recently seperated...and i am trying to help them be kind to one another and to keep it all as amicable as possible for the sake of the child

it can be done....i recently went to a 60th birthday and the couple were actually divorced some years ago...but has remained on good terms through out their lives because of the children...and they celebrated their 60th together with their second spouses and further children...it was quite weird to see...but it can work....it does take a lot of effort...a huge dose of forgiveness and a constant supply of support from friends...

keep in touch with the forum..altho it is a debt forum essentially...it does spill out into other areas...i dont think you can really seperate financial problems from relationship problems as they are so often interlinked anyway...
this is one good side of the forum re-organisation...we can devote a thread to personal issues like this without feeling that we have gone off topic

keep pressing on....

[facingittogether]

hi no money eva!

you are really going through some hard times at the moment but remember we are all here for you!

after being with someone for so long it must be so hard but it seems as though you and the children deserve a better life!

thinking of you, take a small step each day and eventually you will come through the other side!

sending you a big hug!

love barb x

[angela18]

Hi Nomoneyeva.. My ex partner was a horrible drunk..(loveliest man in the world when sober) it took me a couple of years to pluck up the courage to throw him out.. it is scary.. and it is very lonely..
I knew my hubby before we split up and he was a good friend from work, who gave me a sounding block to.. it was a couple of months before we got together as a couple.. but I know how you must be feeling on a night.. it is lonely when the children are in bed, but you have to think that you are worth more than that. life is to short to live in fear or to tread on eggshells.. believe me!! Good luck and I hope you're ok xx

[no money eva]

Thanks everyone for your kinds words. I do miss him but I know that I am right to stick to my guns. Kids are happy this way so I WILL do it for them.

Thanks again x

[elizabethr]

I have been there quite a few times and it was hard at first but made me stronger. I also remarried by current husband - because of all the stress of his illness and money we divorced but it made him look at himself and we managed to get back together. If you get stronger yourself and be happy for yourself as free lily said you will be able to deal with things differently. I know some people who have parted but are now better friends than they were together and still do things together without it meaning they are getting back together - don't think you can do that at the start though as it gives the other half and the children mixed messages and children need to know where they stand. I just kept telling mine that it was not there fault and we still both loved them. Maybe it will make hubby take a long look at himself and sort himself out and remember you can always make a go of it another time and it doesn't matter what other people think. Sometimes it takes a big upheaval to make people look at what they have.

[debtmountain]

Hi no money eva,

Just wanted to wish you luck with whatever you decide to do. You seem to be going through so much turmoil at present. 14 years is a long time and you are bound to feel lonely at times. But you must do what's right for yourself and your Kids. And on top of this, you have the Bankruptcy looming as well[:(]. I remember as a kid, my Late Dad was violent towards my Late Mum when he'd had a few drinks, I was about 6 years old at the time, now 46 and you never forget. When he was sober, he was a different person.I think you are being very Brave, like the others have said, we are all here for you on the Forum, hope this helps.

Take Care
xx

[no money eva]

Update: hubby has moved out and has rented place. He came over last night, told him he could on the condition no alcohol (he didnt) and all the time he was here. He says he is trying to cut down. We talked and talked and had a lovely time a bit like when we first got together but better if you know what I mean. I dont know whether anything will come of it but as elizabethr said something it takes for something major to make you stronger.

thanks for all your support x

[angela18]

You never know he might have realised what he is going to lose.. fingers crossed that everything works out just how YOU want it, as remember its your life and you who has to cope with it!! good luck xx

[debtmountain]

Hi no money ever,

This may be just what is needed, Some time away from one another for a while. People can change, and he may realise just what he is losing and get some help with the Drinking issue. Whatever happens though, I wish you lots of luck for the future.

xx

[MelanieGiles]

Some time apart will enable you to both reflect on what you are giving up - and perhaps is just what you need to reassess your relationship. Either way it gives you clear sky to rethink where your life is going either with our without him. Hope you manage to work things out together, but if that is not to be then at least you tried.

[no money eva]

Thanks everyone - we went to piccies last night and saw Mamma Mia he would have never gone to see something like that previoulsy but we both throughly enjoyed it - its a great film if you havent seen it and you will watch the credits to the very end lol x