Stressed - baby here soon and starting IVA process

[another_bump]

I am feeling so stressed out at the moment. Our second child is due in 7 weeks time and we've just started the process of applying for an IVA. I can't fault the company we're going with, they've been nothing but non-judgmental and supportive but this week we've started getting calls from our creditors about canceled DD's.
The advice from the IVA adviser was to stop paying what we can't afford - we were using credit cards to pay for our living expenses because we couldn't meet the bills and minimum payments (same old story!) - but we haven't used any credit for about a month now, which is strangely liberating. I feel so guilty about it all.

I think I'm just hormonal and pretty tired (I already have a 1 year old). I feel sick and panicky every time I think about what we owe (about £60k).

I'm in the process of getting ready for the baby. My sister has been very generous with what we've been able to borrow - clothes, cot, etc. We haven't told any of our family that we're entering into the IVA. I wish we had. Already we're getting pressure about holidays next year - my family want to rent a couple of villas in France, OH's parents are expecting us to visit them in Spain and OH's mates are expecting him to organise 'the boys' skiing trip. I'm not sure why we don't just come clean - fear of being judged/scolded I suppose.

Sorry for the verbal splurge. Need to get it out of my system. OH has taken our son to the local park and I'm trying to write some meal plans for the next fortnight. Never worked to a menu before - have always just pulled out what's easiest or ordered in. No wonder we're in the financial state we're in!!

Am sure it's normal to feel this way. I just want things to be set in stone and to know that it'll all be okay.

Laura

[kallis3]

Hi Laura,

Not long to go for the little one's appearance now! The last thing you need is to be stressed out by debt.

You are at least on the way to an IVA hopefully being accepted. You are also doing the right thing by not paying your creditors and building up a little contingency. Ignore the calls, they are only bully boys trying to get money out of you. You can just tell them what you are doing and then put the phone down. I never spoke to any of mine.

What a lovely supportive family you have with all the baby equipment, that must be a weight off your mind.

As to telling your family, that is up to you. My parents, work and friends don't know about our situation but you may find that you need to tell them with all the trips which could be coming up!

It is a great feeling being able to budget. If you can manage to save anything from allowances then you can always put that away towards a holiday.

Don't worry about letting it all out on here, we all need to get it out of our systems sometimes, we're all here for support and advice at most times of the day or night.

Let us know how things are going.

[Julie]

Hi Laura,

Its difficult facing up to debt and preparing for an IVA, without being in the latter stages of pregnancy. You sound as though you have a close family, so maybe telling them would be a good thing. I bet you'll be surprised how many of them have loads of credit.

Unfortunately you will get phonecalls until the IVA is in place, if it gets too much for you, unplug the phone for a while.

Do you know what you're having...a little brother of sister for your little man?

xx

[another_bump]

Thanks for the supportive responses guys.

I think the feelings of nausea may be the bump squeezing my tummy! I just have this constant uneasy feeling. I'm off work tomorrow and am going to do some bulk cooking and freezing. It'll give me something to focus on.

My little girl is due in mid-October, so I'll have one of each. I'll be done then. There's no way we could afford another now.

[angelrainbow]

Oh big hugs hun, what a lot you have on your plate!
My youngest was quite little when we entered into an IVA and my eldest wasn't even 2 so I well know the stresses of caring for a young family and creditors meeting - but having another one due so soon is an awful lot to deal with. Rest up as much as you can and try not to stress and worry too much.
Your IP wouldn't have put forward a proposal they didn't think would be accepted.
I didn't tell my family at the time and now wish I did as they have been so super supportive and understanding. I could have done with that support at the time. Our families love us and want whats best for us. There is no need for us to feel guilty or ashamed about the situation we are in now.
Good luck with everything xx