Sunday church bulletin bloopers

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pixie

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Post by pixie » Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:16 am
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at

Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The Fasting &Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving

obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a

nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the

help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more

transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests

tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir

will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.'

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.

Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be

'What Is Hell?'

Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of

several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park

across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All

ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation

would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign

slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
Pixie
'Welcome to where ever you are, this is your life you've made it this far, welcome, you've got to believe right here right now is exactly where you're meant to be'
IVA started may 07 ended dec 08
 
 

kallis3

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Post by kallis3 » Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:24 am
I am chuckling so much I am almost crying!

It also reminds me of last year when we were down in Bournemouth and one of the local churches was closed. There was a big notice outside apologising for any inconvenience, but in the meantime services would be held at B&Q!

[:D][:D][:D]
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plasticdaft

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Post by plasticdaft » Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:24 am
That weight watchers one is brilliant!!!!!
Discharged today the 8th feb 2012. View is much brighter now.
Continuing to rebuild our credit worthiness.
 
 

chris.g

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Post by chris.g » Sun Jul 20, 2008 10:42 am
Very good, thanks for cheering me up
It's nice to be back......
 
 

freelili

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Post by freelili » Sun Jul 20, 2008 3:01 pm
Thanks so much for these, I love things like this. I am laughing out loud here.
LILY

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I asked God for an answer, I have to live with his reply.
Exsisto an angelus quod planto quispiam sentio melior.
 
 

Viki.W

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Post by Viki.W » Sun Jul 20, 2008 5:58 pm
Tears are rolling down my face![:D][:D][:D]
If you would like to talk to me about your debt problems, please visit:
http://www.vincentbond.com/about_us_Viki_Warbrooke.asp
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