telling family

[jayrob]

well tonight we just did our first of many big moves, we told robs uncle that rob is going to go bankrupt. He is an accountant and was very supportive. The next person is rob's dad who we are going to tell in week when he is next here, rob's uncle will be there too and reckons that his dad will be suprised but fine. I must say after all the stress and worry i am glad we have told a member of the family. I now is a funny way am looking forward to getting the ball rolling and maybe will be able to sleep a little easier. Yesterday I had to go to the dr's for some advice as I am awake most of the night.
I also would like to thank everyone on these boards for their help and support without it I would have surely gone mad or worse.
Thanks especially go to melanie (both of you)

[Lisa2009]

Hi jayrob.
Sometimes its better to get things off your chest even if its only to 1 person. It makes you feel that a huge weight has been lifted.
I'm sure his dad will be as supportive as his uncle.
Perhaps then you will sleep a little easier.
I suffered terrible with sleepless nights during mr skints IVA but it WILL get easier.

Good luck to you both xx

[chris.g]

I dreaded telling my dad that we were both going bankrupt. He's words were, 'you're not the first and you'll definately not be the last!' Sometimes we imagine people's reactions and then when they are told they surprise us by being the complete opposite. Just remember that the route you are taking is the best for you to resolve the problems that you are having and that one day you will be debt free and wiser. x

[Reviva UK]

Hi there

Wonder if this might help you break the news.

We are often there when the news is "broken" to family or sometimes employers and we often find the best way is to say there is a financial difficulty ( no blame!!!) and then quickly run through the main solutions.

1. Refinance
2. IVA in its many forms
3. Bankruptcy.

You would be surprised but most people when given the possible answers to the problem usually pick the right solution. They work out which cannot be done and are left with the answer.

Good luck

[angela18]

I can't tell my parents, my mum suffers depression and is on medication, she worries over everything. Think it would finish her off!!! Just hope IVA accepted so there will be no need.

[aguise]

I think everyones situation is different. I think it is important to have the support of someone during the process and after, family or friend. I think it better to be open, but if as angela says it would cause distress and worry then maybe not. Most I see get such great support from others, and are so relieved when they have told them. We made a decision not to tell the family. I dont think for a minute there would be anything but support from them, but as we manage, as it doesnt affect anything at all, we have each other for support and of course all of you,, we decided, and more my husband than me that we wouldnt tell them unless there was an actual need to. We will definately, if we havent before, tell them on completion in fact that is something we use to look forward to. Telling them we have no debt. They have always been aware the debt was there.

Well done jayrob and good luck for telling dad I am sure it will be fine and he will be a great support.

Ang

[angela18]

i just think its our mess and together we can sort it out. We said richer/poorer, better/worse when we married, and I think our situation is covering every vow we made... if it ever came that we were so desperate we would have to turn to someone but for now I just think what they don't know can't hurt them!!

[luluj]

Telling our parents and sister and brother was the best thing we could have done - as soon as we had done it, a weight lifted and the support we received was great - yes we know they are now watching us closely, and everynow and then I log on to the on line bank account whilst at mums and look at the statement with her peering over my shoulder thinking I don't know she's looking - but in a weird way, I like her to see that we are in the credit and have been now for nearly 10 months (since the first call to our IVA provider no credit...wow!)- I think that the shock and anger of our irresponsible behaviour towards money, is beginning to wear off now and actually she is becoming proud of us for getting ourselves out of the mess and holding our heads up high - we'll land up paying back 81% if not more toour creditors and boy will it feel good to have done so - never ever again!

6 payments down 54 to go!

[angela18]

Good for you Lulu. Wish I could tell my mam but can't risk her having a relapse into further illness. She seems to be in a good place at the moment..

[luluj]

Thanks angela18....... we have also told our closest friends and although shocked as we have very little to show for our extravagance over the years, they have been there for us, not judged us in anyway and infact have probably become closer and more important in our lives than ever before.
I proud we chose the IVA route rather than the Bankruptcy route, but understand why others have to take the B route - I am 100% adamanent that at the end of this we are NEVER taking credit EVER again - if we can't afford it with real cash then forget it! We've got a second chance and we are going to grab it and enjoy!

[buttercup]

Both my mum & dad are gone so i do not have the worry of telling them. The only person I have told is my best friend & Dr and poor old Tina (from Melanies office) copped a very tearful call from me when I was in a dark place a few weeks ago. It was such a releif to talk to someone. It is worse for my hubby as he is the innocent party in this mess & can not really confide in anyone which he needs to do. I think he feels that if he talks to anyone he will feel guilty for the anger & disappointment he has in me. My best friend is also a good friend to him so I hope they will have a chat so he can get it off his chest as he needs to.

[jayrob]

we wanted to do and iva but have been told we can't, we haven't had extravagent living, we used to live on an island which was expensive and then moved off to try and save money but all it has done is make us worse off financially, emotionally and medically. My husband has now got his head around the fact that he is having to go bankrupt and we feel that we will still try to hold our heads up cause at least we are admitting our problem and doing something about it. I could have gone bankrupt too but both off us want to pay st least some of the debt back and with him doing it I will be able to afford to pay my debts off.
Thanks for the support guys.

[TREES57]

Hi there just wanted to add we are in the process of proposing an IVA with Melanie's team,but we haven't told anybody.I can't bear the thought of disappointing my mum and dad.My dad suffers with high blood pressure and i know that if he knew the mess we were in it would make him really ill.He is a great worrier and is a firm believer in if you can't pay cash,you don't have.They have both retired and although they own their house and have good pensions they don't really do much with their spare time as my dad insists on keeping money for a rainy day.It's hard because i'm very close to my mum and dad and they helped me when i was left on my own with my eldest son after an abusive marriage, and they had him for me when i worked.Then i met my other half we had a son,and we both got good jobs and they were so proud of me.They are unaware of any problems with money even though they know of some of the problems we have encountered (illness etc)My dad is under the impression that we used savings etc to get us through.I know that its a false impression of me and how well i've done but perhaps if we manage to get our IVAS and complete them i'll tell them then. All i know is that we got ourselves in this mess and we will get ourselves out of it and if i can keep them from the worry then it's all good xx

[angela18]

I'm like that my dad has saved for everything he has ever had and my sister and her hubby are both teachers so have good income. Just feel ashamed and if I can get through this without involving them then I will try my best..

[hymers]

we (MR AND MRS)have an IVa we had to sort it out we just cant worry our parents etc it would all be too much and its our mess anyway so together were getting though it
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