What a class place this is. I must say I have never really looked past the IVA forum bit, never scrolled down to see what else was here, so hope you dont mind me butting in [:I]. <y IVA creditors meeting is this week, so I also managed to get my thick head into gear to loose weight and get fit. A fresh start (I hope) on all........so here we go. It is a little long winded so apologies for that, but it helps me to get this all off my chest
291.8
Strange number to me, means nothing to you, but it is a number I will remember for the rest of my life. So what does it mean?
The number of miles I get from a tank of fuel?
The cost of a months shopping for a family of 4?
17.08215443 squared? (This is a correct though not the right answer for this)
Well????..
It is my weight
Hmmpff
I knew I was fat, my clothes were telling me that for along time. The rails of un-wearable jeans, the sacks of un-fastenable shirts. The t-shirts that never needed ironing, because they were so tight, it did the job. The struggle I had to actually buy some trousers that fit me
Outside things were telling me. The squash to sit on a seat on the train (especially when someone sat next to me), or any other chair for that matter
MY BODY was telling me. The huffing and puffing, the masses of sweat my clothes soaked up after I had walked from the train station. The tiredness. The lack of meaningful brain function
Yip, all the signs were pointing in one direction. But for the longest time, I was looking the other way
I could never make the connection between it all. I would go on a diet for a couple of days, but think why? And get a bag of fish and chips. I kidded myself that the box of cereal I was eating in a day was ok, because I was not really having anything else (except the all-day breakfast sandwich from my local coffee store (and the caramel shortbread)). The two or three bars of chocolate I was eating every day. They were all ok because I was drinking diet coke, skinny late, skimmed and semi skimmed milk
I could think of any excuse. I will start next week. My medication was stopping me (for depression). Too much going on at the moment, let me get past this and I will be good to go. I was good at that, passing the buck along onto something else. This was the connection I would not let myself make. And thinking about it now, I still do not know why
I guess it has something to do with the fact I was bullied at secondary school, day in and day out, from the 1st day to the last. I know that this has affected me psychologically, hence why I am on medication now. But I still can't make a physical connection. I talk it through in my head, reason it, tell myself it, but it's like "yeahh whatever"
But I am not doing this to go through all the past as such, though I may ramble to it at some time or another, but more of a "looking forward" to get MY LIFE BACK
So what finally made me do it? I think it was the fact my wife's current job is being made redundant, and realising I had had my head in the sand for a LOT of years with finances (resulting in the proposed IVA), and what a mess we were in. This made me look at everything really, and then I saw it
BOOM
There it was
That was a couple of months ago. But of course my immediate reaction had been to reach for the food, and I did. With a vengeance. Then about a week ago, I think the faint little flicker of a light finally started to shin through the cloud that is my mind. A little beacon of hope raised its head and whispered "now is the time" (Melodramatic I know, but that is what it felt like)
So I started to research some diets on the internet. I know I am the kind of person who needs something very physical in my life when I do something. Like the time I quit smoking, I needed to use the patches to help me. I am SO black and white
I knew that just following something like Weight Watchers would not work for me. I had done Slimfast for 2 days before, that sucked. BUT I liked the idea of the drink/soup/bars etc, that fitted with my need for a physical thing. My best dietary experience, the easiest to follow, was a full blown Atkins plan. That had lost me 3st in 3 months. BUT all the rich food I had eaten then, well my digestive system does not like it now
Thinking through it, I remember the low carb thing was good for me. After the initial few days of headaches and hunger, my body got used to the ketosis state the diet put me in, and I stopped thinking about food all the time, stopped being hungry, and to be honest, my Atkins time made me feel better than I had been sine I can remember. My body would then be burning the fat to live, instead of sugars
So I wanted some kind of mesh of the two, but found nothing. The when I was in a pharmacy getting my prescription for my medication filled (a pharmacy I almost never use), they had a huge display for Celebrity Slim. Ok another fad I thought. Celebrity, so it would be a WAG thing blehh. But I had a look on the internet about it, read some reviews, trolled some forums I trusted, and the vast majority of people gave it a definite thumbs up
So I thought about it, read some more about it, looked at the cost, compared that with what I have for my allowance within the IVA and what I would pay for food. I did not want to leave money short for us
So, yesterday, I trundled off to Argos to get a set of scales (something I always said I would NEVER have in my home), round to the pharmacy to stock up on the starter pack and told my wife. I was worried about the money, but she was more worried about me [:I]. Such a nice feeling. I gave her a hug and went into the kitchen to make myself my last supper, a final piece of my old life, some chips and bread, tomato sauce, salt and vinegar, MmmMMMMMMmmmm
So this morning I took my shakes to work, bought some apples and a bottle of water from Sainsbury at the train station and off we go
I am so determined to do it this time, I have to, I must, I want my life back not just for me, but for my wife as well. We have been through enough together over the years it is about time we had some enjoyment
Well sorry for the rambling, and the amatuer dramatics [:D] When the feeling takes me, I have to get it out. So this is it
I look forward to getting to know you all better and hope I can give some support to others as I go throught it myself, so good luck all on your journey, I hope to see you at the end of it where we all want to be
There are 10 kinds of people that understand binary, those that do and those that don't
