This is probably the hardest thing I've done

[mike.s]

Hi everyone,
I cannot thank you all enough, you can't imagine what it means to me to have spoken to people who have been so understanding and positive. I think I was expecting more of how the heck have you got yourself into this mess, or looking down on me for getting into such a situation. I think that's what put me off sorting this out sooner, how could I tell people that I owe so much money? how could I possibly owe so much money!! how has this happened when everyone else seems to be doing so well? I have been so ashamed for being so far in debt, and feel as though I have failed my family, at 42 I should be able to give them everything not losing everything. But after speaking to you all today I feel so much better and not alone, I am determined to face this and get my life back on track. Thank you all again so much, speak again soon.
Very best wishes
Mike

[Lisa2009]

Best of luck mike and remember, most of us on this foum have felt the way you are feeling. Its a great supprt network with people always willing to pick you up when you are down.
All the best

[lily]

Hi again

Just remember mike, your family love you, you are priceless to them, they wouldnt want you to suffer alone. I was in the same position and tried to keep everything to myself, I ended up losing my job and my sanity (at 3 in the morning, most nights). I used to shake everytime I thought about it and it was so hard to try to be 'normal' with those around me. I plucked up the courage to tell my family and what an amazing response of support they were/are. I am sure that you will find a suitable answer to all of this, you do have hope now, I hope you are finding relief at finding this forum, that many have found themselves feeling as you do,as I did last year. You do have someone to turn to, even if its just to rant or share your dispair. Please continue to post, its a very friendly place to be.

Its time now to stop beating yourself up about how, when and why you got here. Its very easy really, credit is so easy to come by, and when you realise how deep a hole youre in you find yourself wondering how the hell did I get here?? I did that too.

I hope you will sleep through tonight, knowing there is an answer.

lily

[Soulgrowth]

Hi Mike ... I just wanted to echo the other's sentiments. I am certainly not an expert but I know where you are 'at' ... stick around and make the most of the help and support offered by this wonderful forum ... and at the end of the day, it is ONLY money ... there are much more important things in life ... like family. And like the judge at my charging order meeting said to me last week, all those big companies you owe money to are all insured against their loses. I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment but you are a small fish in a very big sea and, as I was told by my very reputable IP, current insolvency laws were designed to help the people policy of easily available credit in the past that puts a false face on a thriving economy, got into trouble in the first place ... especially small business people. Take care.

Debbie

www.babynamings.co.uk

www.soulgrowth.co.uk

[Soulgrowth]

P.S

I owe 142K!!!

Debbie

www.babynamings.co.uk

www.soulgrowth.co.uk

[mike.s]

Hi everyone,
Thank you all again for the help and kind words of support. I can't beleive how good I feel today, I already feel like the weight is beginning to lift, just admitting there is a problem and hearing there are solutions out there is so encouraging. My wife and I actually spoke openly about it tonight, not arguing, not shouting, not burying our heads saying we can pay it back on our own it's not a problem, but actually saying yes we are in debt and can't pay it back without help so let's get it sorted and get our life back!! Boy did it feel good. We are starting to work out our in's and out's and how much we owe, then we are determined to get the ball rolling and sort this out. Athough I have to admit the next bit I'm still finding hard, actually contacting and talking to someone. If an IVA is accepted and the money from the sale of the house is accepted as payment do we still have to keep handing over any left over income for the next five years until it is all paid, or do they accept the money and that's it? Also if they accept the amount do we have to keep finding the minimum payments until the house sells, this is worrying me because I don't know when the house will sell and I know I can't keep going beyond this month. They are all due again now and I don't have the money to cover them. It wasn't a great day on the market today, although it is picking up, but I certainly didn't take £900 to cover minimum payments (I wish). Jane has her final test next week, which would make her a qualified driving instructor, so fingers crossed all goes well. I just hope we can keep going over the next couple of weeks. Once we see someone how long will it be b4 we know if it has all been accepted? The phone calls will start all over again any day now and although we are starting to feel more positive I'm dreading it, I just so want to be able to do the simplest of things like answer the phone without feeling sick! Sorry to on, thank you all for being there and listening, speak again soon.
Best wishes
Mike.

[aguise]

H again Mike.
Glad to hear you had a good chat and are feeling a bit better. Dont dread making a call to the companys they are so used to debt and are always understanding and never judgmental, i would take a look at the companys on here, i always say it and i hope she doesnt mind but Melanie is where i would start if i were going through this again. I had already arranged my iva before i found the site. Any way all the best keep us posted as to how you are getting on.

Ang

Please visit my blog at http://aguise.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[Adam Davies]

Hi Mike
Your next step is to contact several companies and have a chat.
40-50,000 people a year enter into an IVA,so you are not alone.
Regards

Andy Davie
IVA.co.uk Spokesperson

About me:
http://www.iva.co.uk/andy_davie_profile.asp

IVA Helpline: 0800 197 4838
http://www.iva.co.uk/iva_helpline.asp

[Soulgrowth]

Glad that you are feeling a bit more positive today Mike. the next thing is to have a level-headed strategy and to try to be one step ahead. I also think that if I was going through the IVA process again Melanie would be my fist port of call to help get things in perspective ... keep posting.

Debbie

www.babynamings.co.uk

www.soulgrowth.co.uk

[bagpuss]

Hiya Mike..x

I hope this is right annd i am sure someone will correct me if i am not. But i stopped paying them as soon as i decided i needed help...i was told to just say that we where seeking finacial advice and would have more information shortly. They then said they would ring in a few days...I would just say the same thing. Then after speaking to the IP and deciding what solution i was going to take, i told the creditors that we were in the process of arranging an IVA and just passed the IP's telephone number to them. They still kept ringing and made threats but i was assured by my IP that the worst they would do is default me and that had to happen anyway.

My IP's words to me were..."you cant pay them cos you cant afford to, so dont. while you continue to meet those minimum payments, they will continue to beleive that you CAN pay them"

Start answering the phone mike...they are only people..imagine them naked or on the loo...I'm trying to make you smile.. seriously they cant do anything to you...just keep them informed all the way...you aint the only person who they have who cant pay and you wont be the last...they have thousands of people not paying...but YOU are getting it sorted..the right way....you will feel better once they have been told.

What i did was write them all a letter...i explained that we were in finacial trouble and seeking advise and that i would appriciate them freezing interest so as to stop the debt incresing further (no harm in asking...i had 2 that agreed) and that you would write again as soon as you had any more information to give.

I am so pleased that you and your wife spoke about it and came away feeling more posotive...your a team and you can get through this together. xx

Angie xx


My IVA Story......http://bagpuss.blogs.iva.co.uk/2007/09/ ... iva-story/

[lily]

Hi mike

I am glad youre feeling a lot better and very glad that you and your wife are sharing this problem,

I think you may be able to do a full and final with the sale but only going through it with a professional will give you answers. Different creditors have different criteria.

You will also need to open a basic account if you have debts with your current bank but avoid HSBC/firs direct as they close accounts of people in IVA.


I think bagpuss is spot on with how to deal with creditors. This is an ongoing anslaught for most of us and the cause of much stress. I stopped paying my creditors on the advice of the first company I spoke to. I found changing my phone number a great help as although I contiued to get letters and mobile phone calls at least I was able to relax in my own home after a long day.

You are not alone in this, there are many people in debt in this buy now pay later culture, hold you head up, you are facing your problem its nothing to be ashamed of. Dont give the call centres who phone the upper hand, they are paid to say anything to get a payment out of you and reach the target for the day. Most of what they say are idle threats. Be firm but polite. I was reading about handling creditors somewhere else the other day, someone said they didnt let them get past the security questions by saying things like, you tell me, I know my mothers maiden name.

I wrote to all mine, I said that I wasnt prepared to discuss payment verbally but would reply to every letter which I have. You have a right not to discuss the problem with them verbally.

Talk to some companies IVA.com have a list of companies and customer feedback, I think if I was doing an IVA I would try Melanie also.

Every day will get better from now on but you might get a set back sometimes, be nice to each other because you will both have bad days. (I have got full nervous breakdown to recovery down to around an hour now,lol)

Good luck and best wishes to both of you.

lily