To Tell or Not to Tell

[Sadsack]

Chris

You are a tonic and very good for the tummy muscles in that you have given me the best laugh all day! Wooden leg and 3 nipples? - not that I know of - haven't heard myself "tapping" around!

Think maybe with all the sound advice I am getting from you all, I should bite the bullet and face whatever comes along. Maybe just casually drop it into conversation when I am cleaning the bathroom!!!! Be closer to the loo when **** hits the fan!

Gimmewine, being a devil certainly has its upside - [}:)]!!!!

Sue

[Sadsack]

Chris

If Mel mentioned nipples and wooden legs, I think I would have legged it!!

Mel, thank you - all I am doing is paying my debt, and reading your post does put a different spin on it. It is a deal, no matter how restrictive and it will end.

Sue

[Skippy]

Hi Sue, I agree with the other posters. If you are to have a future with this person you need to be upfront with them, and I think you'll be surprised by their reaction. I can understand why you are worried about telling them though - I had been with Dave for nearly 9 years when I finally admitted that I had a debt problem. He had always known me as someone who went out when they wanted and bought what they wanted and all of a sudden that had to change. This also meant that his life would change as well and I was terrified that our relationship would be over. To be honest, since I have told him our relationship has got stronger and he has supported me (emotionally and financially) through my IVA and bankruptcy and we are now looking at getting a place together - he chose the flat. Although I can't go on the mortgage we are doing this together, and if I hadn't have been honest with him it wouldn't have happened. The only downside is his choice in football teams!

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[Sadsack]

Hi Skippy
Thanks for that! Football?? Football?? What is that?? Kidding!!!

Since posting earlier today, I have done nothing but think about this situation, read all the posts from everyone and the more I churn it over in my mind, the more I realise that this person is special and I have every faith that by telling will prove where this "relationship" is going ..........

I don't like secrets and skeletons - I need to take heed of Mel's video on her web page - "A problem shared, is a problem solved".

Thanks all

Sue

[chris_]

First let me say to all those people out there with a wooden leg and/or three nipples, I apologise unreservedly for any offence.

I reached the conclusion long ago that you must always look on the bright side of life - ALWAYS, even when things are crumbling around you - tomorrow you could win the lottery or you could get run over by a bus.

Here I am 6 years into a 5 year IVA and still paying, broke, working for myself and having to work all night tonight to finish a job off I have neglected while being on this forum! - but I still try look on the bright side of things.

I also like a good read to switch off from everything else, and like nothing better than a good piece of fiction in the evening - and I have to say that the report into the hours my IP has spent on my IVA is the best piece of fiction I have read in ages and has cheered me up no end.


Chris

[DebtDummy]

chris, I'll have you know that I have a wooden leg and 3 nipples and I do not appreciate being made fun of! Nope, nada, not at all. And further more I would to end this discussion with GOTCHA!! lol

Seriously, sadsack, if the relationship is serious then tell. That's the best way. Why have a relationship built on a shakey emotional foundation?

Take care [:)]

All I have left is my humour.

View my blog http://www.debtdummybankruwoman.blogs.iva.co.uk.

[tracy.h]

Hi Sadsack
Relationships are based on trust,you have already been hurt by being honest,but if this new man has real feelings for you then he will understand and respect your honesty.
You are going through enough with all this hassle with your ip at the moment so relieve some of your burden and tell him.
If he cares then he will stand by you .
I can understand your anxiety with what has happened previously,but by living with this secret eventualy it will start to cause problems.
I really do wish you well and hope you will get your happy ever after.
Good luck
Tracy xx

[Sadsack]

Hi Tracy

It would be really good to have a happy ever after - with no hangups or secrets. I think I stand a pretty good chance of them standing by me, because no matter how I dress it up, the IVA is not going to go away for another 4 years and then 1 more. Apart from my debt, I am still me!!!!

Sue

[Dominic]

if somoene only stays with you becasue of their perception that you have a lot of ready cash they are not worth the effor in the first place.

[freelili]

I think that you come out of this a better person, you appreciate things much more. People are more important than things anyway. My family have been so fantastic, I really didnt know that they cared. If I would have trusted them enough to tell them instead of getting another loan to ease the burden I just would be here now. Also my children have shown in their own way how much they care and how much my happiness means to them. You cant buy that. After all thats happened I feel trully blessed.

LILY

I believe that angels breathe and love will live on and never leave. I cherish all you gave me everyday.

[Hunter1]

Sadsack,

Thought you might need an uplifting story (bit late tonight but can't sleep!):

I got married about 10 years ago and it all went wrong after 5 years. Partly because I let myself get into major debt and never told my wife.

Ultimately because of divorce etc I got more into debt and had to eventually do an IVA (approved 3 weeks ago).

Meanwhile I met a wonderful lady a year or so ago. I moved in with her and told her six months ago I had problems from my previous marriage financially and that I was probably looking at an IVA or Bankruptcy.

And about a month after telling her she proposed to me! She knows exactly what the next 5 years entail for us and her exact words were:

'I don't give a stuff about any of that I love you for who you are'.

Maybe that will put it into perspective for you - if you love your partner tell them. If they stay then it will prove they love you right back.

[Sadsack]

Hi Hunter

Thanks for that - I am really pleased things worked out for you!

I have told my partner about the IVA subsequent to this thread - they weren't too fussed about it either. However, I did think that we would talk about it and "lay all the cards on the table" about how it will affect "us", but no mention of it!!!!

Not too sure I will bring it up again - I think they need time to get their head around things.

Sue

Ho Hum! Think I'll bang my drum!

Read My Blog
http://sadsack.blogs.iva.co.uk/