Trying to teach my daughter about debt

[lem]

Need some advice here as I am feeling so thoroughly rotten at the moment.

We made a decision a month or so ago to start giving some pocket money each month to our 13yr old daughter out of my child allowance to help and encourage her to start learning about money management and hopefully not end up like we did!. So we opened a current account for her and things have been going ok......until today!

We told her that we would still pay her mobile contract for her, but if it was ever over what the normal amount was I would deduct the extra from her pocket money, she was fine with that.

Also she had to understand she had to earn this money aswell, so helping out at home, walking and feeding the dog etc etc. this month she hasn't done much helping out at all so I told her last week I would only give her half of what she was expecting, she understood why.

Last Sunday we took our son shopping to spend his birthday money and she also took some money out of her account and spent it on a few clothes.

Then now, it turns out, it's the school disco tonight. She hasn't got any money left as she's spent it, hubby has given her £5 and said we will deduct it from her pocket money next month. But I have gone mad about it. Firstly because I have to find £8.50 for a school trip for my son next week which was only landed on us the other day, and secondly because it goes against everything I am trying to teach her, I have told hubby that all it says is that she's spent up and therefore it's the same as using credit to fund going to the disco. I have said when she gets home we need to tell her if she has no money left then she can't go, simples. When he's thought about it he agrees with me.

So why do I feel so bad??? I know she is going to be devastated when she gets home and I will feel like the wicked mother from hell but I am so determined to try to get her to plan and manage her money and realise you can't just keep spending when you don't have it!

Help me feel not so guilty and reassure me I'm doing the right thing?

[kallis3]

I think you are doing the right thing. It's a good thing to teach them that they should live within their means otherwise they'll end up in a muddle with their money.

[Shining]

My daughter was 14 when i entered my IVA, I told her briefly about it, I told her someone else was managing our money for a while. This was fine initially but then she started asking questions so I told her the truth, the whole truth too. She's been very understanding. She works on a Saturday and has to supply all her own stuff if it's school stuff we go halves (not clothes) bearing in mind she earns £60 @ week. She has to save too and supply all her own stuff to go to uni in September. She did actually thank me the other day when she was sorting out student finance as she is already planning a budget.

Lem, if daughter is going to be too upset remind her of the rules and why not loan her the money this time and help her with a spreadsheet maybe? Still take what she owes off her next month and say this is the first and only time you'll get a loan?

It's what I did for H, set it up for her and away she goes. She's never short of money although at the minute she's saving frantically to buy a new prom dress or alternatively she's going to alter her original one and buy new accessories but that's down to her. I am paying for her to have some new eyelashes (£20) yes I know total waste of money but it's my treat to her so long as she achieves the rest for the leavers ball.

[luluj]

Great advice Lesley !

Lem she will thank you in the end I promise - if she is old enough to understand then maybe an honesty conversation of why things are so difficult may help her to understand.

Is she able to get a little Saturday job/newspaper round somewhere to help her add to her pocket money ? Come what may you and hubby need to stand together on this one, however hard it is - off course you want to give your children everything but you also need to be realistic.

Always here to help you and to give you our views .... that's what the forum is for !

[plasticdaft]

The loan does sound like a good idea but sometimes a harsh lesson is most effective!!

It can be hard for the kids but talking to them about whats happening is very important(if you think they are old enough).

Paul

[Broke of London]

What did you decide Lem?

I don't envy you the decision...classic head versus heart.

[kallis3]

A paper round sounds like a good idea - our daughter did that. You can't get a normal Saturday job until you're 16 these days.

[Shining]

I wouldn't allow my daughter to do a paper round (not that she wanted to)as I'm too protective and felt it was dangerours.

She worked in a beauty salon as a Saturday girl from 15 for a year and now works in an opticians and absolutely loves it.

We initially did a mailmerge to all beauty/hair places within the town and that is how she got first job, speculative letters do work. She was headhunted for optician job from someone who went to beauty salon as she had such good customer service.

[kallis3]

Mine enjoyed her round - she did it until she was 16 when she got a proper weekend job - she couldn't do one until she had a National Insurance number. She did that for six months and then went to Asda. She is now a shift leader and when she goes back to work after her maternity leave she'll be going for management.

[Shining]

She'll be sad to leave the job in September when she's off to Uni but what the future holds for her who knows?

Lem whatever you decide will be right for your family as we're all different x

[kallis3]

Exactly - mine did Forensic Science at Uni and there's no jobs available in that field at all. Her friend did a teaching degree and is now working in Tesco!!! Ex brother-in-laws daughter did a degree in criminal psychology and she now runs the office for her dad's breakdown firm!!

[Shining]

I know exactly what you mean Jan and apprenticeships are showing more and more in the college where I teach at the minute rather than Uni choices. We do advertise them and there is an accountancy one at the minute for £200 @ week which I didn't think was bad. Woudln't be for her though as Maths isn't her forte. There is a variety out there though if Uni isn't a choice for any individual. x

[kallis3]

That's good money!!! I can sympathise with the maths - I hated it at at school and was able to give it up when I did my options (you can't do it now though!!) I did book keeping instead and didn't do too badly at it, I got a CSE!! These days I need a calculator!!

Our neighbours lad is doing an apprenticeship and he really likes it.

[Broke of London]

It's really tough for kids at the moment. I'm recruiting for an admin role and have been told I can only have an intern. It sucks...I'm not going to be offering a proper internship as I don't have the time to give them and HQ have already said there's no job at the end of it...they want me to replace with another intern because it looks good for our CSR!!! Some of these poor kids have been doing internships for four years...just a couple of months here and there. Not much Is it after all the money they spent on university? It's so depressing. At least we pay our interns!

[lem]

Thanks everyone for your advice and thoughts, well I actually broke down and told her about the IVA, I'm not sure how much of it she really understood to be honest, but she said it did explain a lot, she felt some of it was her fault for us spending on her during her life which obviously I put her right on, but we decided in the circumstances to let her go this time but from now on she has to learn to think about her money and plan a bit better and she can pay us back next month.

Worse thing was, when I cam home from work last night to open my mothers day cards, she had taped 76p inside (what she had left) to help us out, bless her, now do you think my IP will accept that as a F&F?