Very stressful situation at home right now

[elizabethr]

Hello all - having a bad time again. Was having a relaxing time at home last night then Barclaycard phoned at 9.00pm - I told them I was speaking to insolvency practitioners and they then put the phone down - the evening then went from bad to worse. My husband kept going on about the fact that I can't be dealing with things properly, why is it taking so long - lots of heating words and my 12 year old daugher got upset because when that happens she always thinks we are going to split up again (been divorced and remarried each other if you have read my entries before). Husband is very ill again which is making the situation worse - I end up being 24 hour carer and counsellor but I need it too. I can access counselling at work which I am going to do next week but I am getting very resentful again of the situation I find myself in. Husband (Philip) not being much help I am afraid - he said totally the wrong thing - "I can always live within my means so how have we got into this situation" - red rag to a bull - implies all my fault - I said if you can support a family and a house on what you earn (10K)your a better man than most. I have worked 37 years, always paid my way, and look where I am now - no money, a toy boy who is ill and no oomph. Add that to a 12 year old who is hormonal and a 20 year old who has depression and is miles away at Bristol. I need to go down to Bristol to spend some time with her and speak to the tutors but I don't have any money now. Aguise was it you who said the other day to ring and chat - could really do with that. I have spoken to both Ian and Melanies team and looking at options. The previous blogs on here all say make sure you speak to a few companies but does that matter if you feel comfortable with the first one you speak to - and when you say speak to a few how much information and talking before you decide - don't want anybody I speak to doing nugatory work and getting naffed off with me.

[Moneystinks]

Hi Elizabeth

Hope you are okay - although clearly you are very stressed.

I know what you mean in relation to feeling resentful for having to look after your partner. My mum was very poorly when I was growing up and I couldn't wait to get away from her in the end. Illness is a terrible thing for both the person who is ill and for their carer. If you need to off load then grab my e mail from admin and we can chat. I know how frustrating caring for somebody is and feeling like you are getting no thanks or appreciation.
I don't want to say to much on the forum regarding 'home'.

Regarding your financial affairs we are with Melanie and her team. We are happy with the progress and are playing the waiting game. Of course it never goes fast enough!

I wish there was something I could say to help. Don't forget there is always a way through.

big hugs xx

[Soulgrowth]

Poor you Elizabeth ... this can be a very stressful time. I went through it all as a single person with no-one to talk to or to share with which was bad enough, goodness knows what it must be like with a not so understanding partner to have to take into account as well. The important thing is to remember that you can't be all things to all people. You need to first an foremost look after yourself Elizabeth as if you buckle they all will.

At what stage are you now at in addressing your debt situation Elizabeth ... have you decided on an IVA?

Debbie

[elizabethr]

I spoke to Ian last Monday then I spoke to Tina at Melanie's team the day after. Initial chat with both but Tina went through I & E and possible options. Current situation is that options are being considered, including whether I can get equity now to do F & F IVA instead of contribution over years. Am awaiting results of that to be able to know properly what my options are - I was quite despondant early this week because it looks like my disposable income is quite low and not sure if IVA is possible. Of course I have extenuating circumstances (not sure if that spelling is right) as both husband and I have medical problems and I have had to drop my hours at work so income down. I am not sure of way foward about deciding which IVA company to sign with especially of both initial chats I have had are with those that come highly recommended on this forum, wouldn't want to upset anybody.

[Moneystinks]

I'm sure nobody would be upset. They just want you to do what is right for you and your family. The experts on here are not selling their services they are just using their time to help people like us who are usually distressed and in a pickle.

If it is right for you then it is more likely to suceed.

Good luck and you know where we are!

Home things are little less tense now.

xx

[facingittogether]

HI ELIZABETH, JUST WANTED TO SAY HI AND I AM THINKING OF YOU!

THIS DEBT LARK IS A TERRIBLE THING AND PUTS US UNDER SO MUCH STRESS, I KNOW I AT TIMES HAVE BLAMED OTHERS FOR THE MESS WE WERE IN I THINK IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THE STRESS OF IT ALL BESIDES ALL THIS YOU HAVE A HUSBAND WHO NEEDS CONSTANT CARE TOO!
YOU MUST LOOK AFTER YOUR OWN HEALTH TOO, CAN YOU PERHAPS GET SOMEONE TO CARE FOR YOUR HUSBAND IF ONLY FOR A FEW HOURS SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE SOME ME TIME, EVEN IF IT IS ONLY GOING FOR A NICE WALK OR A WANDER ROUND THE SHOPS! NONE OF US ARE ROBOTS WHO CAN GO ON FOREVER WITHOUT A BREAK!

HOPE THINGS GET SORTED WITH YOUR IVA SOON AS THAT WILL BE SUCH A RELIEF FOR YOU, KEEP ON POSTING EVERYONE ON HERE IS HERE TO SUPPORT TO SO AT ANY TIME YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO LET OFF STEAM THIS IS THE PLACE TO COME TO!

LOVE BARB X

[aguise]

Elizabeth if you want my email ask admin its no problem. Dont let all this get to you honey.

Ang x

[Adam Davies]

Hi Elizabeth
Let me know if you want me to pass on Aguise's email address
Regards

[Soulgrowth]

It can be a real roller coaster of a ride Elizabeth ... hang on in there and wherever possible don't answer the phone as it will only upset you.

Debbie

[lily]

Hi Elizabeth.

Being a carer and I have for 19 years, you owe it to yourself and those you care for to draw on all resorces and accept the help offered by whoever is offering. Its so easy to feel burdened and then to beat yourself up for it. You feel how you feel and you cannot help that, those you care for will often feel angry too and take it out on you. Its not easy for them as they have no choice in the matter and being needy isnt always nice. My young daughter has often kept things to herself as she doesnt want to add to the burden but as a child, she has needs too. I am not a machine, neither are you and those you care for must be made to realise that. Be totally honest with each other and thrash everything out, it does ease the burden, honesty always does. ~Decide on a way forward together.

Dont worry about upsetting anyone, everyone, youre very hard on yourself in attempts to spare others and you are tearing yourself apart by trying. You know their needs, make sure they know yours.

[scaredkez]

lily you always bring a tear to my eye with your words of wisdom, i know how hard you work with you and yours and they are all beautiful,elizabeth hope you can work it all out, thinking of you.
kerri

[kallis3]

Elizabeth, I am so sorry for you and anyone else who has to be a carer to another along with having to sort out debt problems.

I am not a carer, but my husband has heart disease (2 bypasses) and suffers with angina which does affect him when he is stressed. I made him ill last year when I didn't tell him how bad our problems were. I can sympathise with the kids as well. Our daughter is fine, but stepdaughter and stepson have caused a lot of problems over the years and still expect us to help them out financially when they are in trouble (that has always really annoyed me!) No can do anymore, but you try explaining it to them.

Really stressed today as it is daughters 20th birthday tomorrow and she has had no cards or presents from her half siblings!! It works two ways!!!!!

[Viki.W]

Hey Elizabeth, I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you. I really think, as Barb says, that you should try and take some time out for yourself, I think this is really important. I'm sure when a debt solution for you is found it will ease your worries a little bit but you need a break if it is at all possible. Please keep posting so that we can all be here for you. Viki X

[elizabethr]

Thanks everyone for the words of wisdom and comfort - I have emailed Andy and asked for email addresses for those of you who said have a chat. I do get some time for myself coz I have friends I can pop round to for a coffee and sometimes at the end of the day on the way home from work I take myself off for a coffee and read my paper before I go home to chill - its when I get home that the stress starts thats why I don't feel like being here most of the time. I know it will all get sorted and I am definitely feeling more positive about things than I was - just have some "self pity" moments - some last longer than others. Will keep posting.

[aguise]

Just email me whenever you want elizabeth either andy or admin will pass it on. We all have those up and down days myself included so feel free I will always answer.

Ang x