kids and debt....feeling sad now

[bagpuss]

Its my daughters 8th birthday today...(I have 3 girls..aged, 6, 8 and 12.)

Even befor the debt we always tried to teach them the importance of money and that it doesnt grow on trees, however we dont burden them with our problems...they are just kids and all they should worry about it what game to play next.

She gave me a wish list last week and said i dont want them all mummy, just pick a few so i get a supprise still....there was only 4 things on there in the first place.

Anyway as what she had asked for wasnt much i get them all...then she opened 2 this morning and saved 2 for tonight when daddy gets home.

She has just opened them and was delighted that she had everything she had asked for...but then said..."sorry about all the money" !!!

I feel so bad now...we have always tried not to discuss things infront of the kids but they must have overheard and picked things up.

I dont want them to feel bad whenever its there birthday or xmas...i told her not to be silly, it's her birthday and she should be spoiled on her birthday....what more could i have said...?

I am going to be extra careful from now on to make sure they dont hear us...i was brought up in a house of "thats to expensive" and "we cant afford that"...and i dont want my kids having the same memories.

Have i messed up.





Angie xx


My IVA Story......http://bagpuss.blogs.iva.co.uk/2007/09/ ... iva-story/

[Skippy]

No, of course you haven't messed up! Your daughter will appreciate the presents much more knowing that it's not easy come easy go. When I was a kid my dad couldn't work as he was disabled and my mum was his carer so money was always tight. At the time I didn't appreciate how tight, as they kept it from me. When I did find out I felt so guilty that I'd asked for things that I'd played with or worn for a little while and then got fed up with.

I had to grow up quite quickly (I'm going backwards now though!) but I didn't really understand what was going on. What I am trying to say is that while kids don't need to know everything, I wish I'd known a bit more.

Happy birthday to your daughter!

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[aguise]

Oh you havent messed up at all. It just shows that she is growing up and appreciating that money is not something that is just there. I know what you mean about growing up but also its good for them to realise that not everything is affordable. I would be very proud of her. Maybe be careful not to say anything in front of her that might worry her though, but realising the value of money is not a bad thing.
At least if her expectations are not high you can get that bit extra and the pleasure will be greater for her.
My kids are all grown up and have still been spoiled at xmas only with things like a stocking full of poundland stuff but even that has to stop this year, and I feel awful for it and know that I shouldnt.
You have done well dont worry.

Ang

Please visit my blog at http://aguise.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[mike.s]

You haven't messed up one bit! In fact it sounds like your daughter has had a great Birthday and has wonderful parents, you should be very proud! We all want the best for our children and we want them to have everything they could want to make them happy. I too had very little when I was a child and for reasons I wont go into i don't have lovely memories to look back on. I think this is why I have always tried to give my children everything, and if I'm completely honest this way of thinking hasn't helped with the situation I'm now in. I think it is all too easy to forget what children really want, happy loving parents,and a loving environment to grow up in. Sometimes the most enjoyable times can be those that cost nothing, I wish I had realised this sooner! I'm sure children would much rather have a lovely happy time with plenty of laughter and valuable happy times with their loving parents rather than living in the middle of Toys R Us. You should be proud you have a lovely family, Happy Birthday to your daughter and enjoy your precious time together, it goes so quickly.
Very best wishes
Mike

[lily]

How right are you Mike, thats exactly what children need, a nice night with the family playing stupid games and being happy together. I am a great believer in being honest with kids, they pick up on things when something isnt right and they wonder whats going on. I dont mean you should sit them down and explain the ins and outs of an IVA but them knowing that mommy and daddy are a little bit stressed and need a hug is quite easy for them to understand. When the proverbial and all his mates hit the fan for me just over a year ago, I couldnt function, I would cry, shake and I just couldnt sleep, it was obvious the the kids that mommy wasnt quite right. I am a single mom as I am divorced, my children do not have much contact with their father. I sat them down and told them that I was in a mess, I told them why (well kind of) and that a nice company was going to help but we couldnt afford some of the things they were used to. They asked what they could do to help as they wanted me to be happy again. I asked one to give me a hug when I needed to cry another to make a cup of tea and another to give me a tissue. (they couldnt wait for me to cry, they just loved jumping into action). Its made such a difference, on their birthdays we have had unhealthy food like jam sandwiches, crips, cakes that we have made and played stupid games with a box full of sweets.

My childhood was precious I had siblings and mom and dad did things with us more than bought things for us, what they left me with money cannot buy. Happy memories of togetherness and love, I cant remember presents from my childhood, I remember the laughter.

Your daughter is beautiful and sensitive, she knows that you did your best for her, thats the most important thing.

lily

[Lisa2009]

Angie you should be very proud. Your daughter has learned the value of money from you and she will carry that with her through her life.
Its brilliant that she had such a lovely birthday but you really shouldnt feel sad.

mrs skint

[bagpuss]

Thank you everyone...it really helps to have your thoughts on this. I was worried that i had turned her into a worrier and made her feel guilty about having presents.

she has gone to bed happy and i feel much better now...thanks xxx

Angie xx


My IVA Story......http://bagpuss.blogs.iva.co.uk/2007/09/ ... iva-story/

[scaredkez]

angie never worry about the kids they bounce back, i have been honest with my 14 yr old from the beginning, and the other 2 explained as best i could with out mentioning the BR word, the little ones sometimes find it hard when i say no now but the elder one always puts them in line and says we don't need it!

my hubby never really knew his dad, he died when he was quite young, and he always felt like others that he had to give the kids all the material things he never had, it doesn't work like that, they would rather play the silly family games like lily said and laugh and joke and make picnics in the front room, rather than the high tech toys that we all think they need, i have learnt a very valuable lesson this year, and family time is more important than toys, your daughter has probably had the best birthday ever, so don't hang yourself up, i worried about my eldest knowing too much and to be honest it hasn't affected him any way, he still has mum and dad and his siblings and thats the most important thing at the end of the day.
kerri

Please view my blog at: http://scaredkez.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[ray_a]

I just wonder whether your daughter on reflection had her best birthday just for the memory of knowing how difficult it was for you and that you really care for her!

[mike.s]

Hi Angie,
I'm so pleased your daughter had a great birthday and is happy. Nobody should feel guilty about having presents, your daughter, you, everyone one of us should have that excited feeling of opening a present. But it's not what it's inside the wrapping paper that matters it's that excited happy feeling that matters, the feeling you get on special occassions no matter what presents you have. The best part of Christmas? I love, love, love Christmas but it's not the presents I love, it's putting up the decorations, it's playing games, it's being allowed to be silly, it's listening to Slade for the 1000th time, it's watching The Muppet Christmas Carol (my favourite movie) it's the atmosphere, it's well... being and feeling happy inside, and sharing it with those you love, there's no other feeling like it. My son (who is now 14 and know's everything, maybe he should sort out my IVA) and my daughter said not long ago that Christmas isn't the same now you know there isn't a Santa, but we still have a great time at Christmas, we still act silly and still play games and still do the same silly things, because we enjoy the feeling those special times give. It is not about the presents, or rather it is not about what is inside the presents, it is about the special times and what you do with those special times, that is where the memories lie, the fun you had will last for a lifetime, what presents you got on Christmas Day will often only last until Boxing Day (then the boot sale six months later) Enjoy each and every day with your family, after all isn't that what we do it all for?
Cheers
Mike

[mikebdomain]

Happy birthday to your daughter, Angie - I think your daughter has shown that she has a real 'grown up' understanding of your current situation and the love you give to your children is obvious in her caring remarks.

I also have three daughters now 17, 20 and 21 and have always tried to include them in what is going on… And I believe, by the way they have turned out to be upstanding members of society, it’s the right thing to do.


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[Soulgrowth]

Hello Angie ... how can you feel bad about teaching your children honesty and about the value of money [:)]

Debbie

www.babynamings.co.uk

www.soulgrowth.co.uk

[e.h]

Hi Angie

Happy birthday to your daughter. It is so nice to hear of children that really appreciate that things cost money instead of just hearing of children that demand things no matter their cost and usually end up getting everything they want. You sound like a brilliant mum and dad.

Liz
xxx

[katy]

Happy Birthday to your daughter Angie, she sounds a lovely, sensible girl. You must be so proud. My daughter is too young to understand what has just happened to us but I hope when she is older she will show the same lovely attitude your daughter has to money.

[bagpuss]

Thanks again everyone.

After she had gone to bed a friend came over with a card for her...she opened it this morning and £10 was inside...she was so excitied...came rushing to me and said..."can i buy us all a mcdonalds with this tonight"....OMG she now wants to pay for dinner....LOL....but i didnt get upset again as i remembered what you had all said and just told her there was no need, to save it and mummy and daddy would treat them to a mcdonalds at the weekend.

Bless her.

Mike S...your christmases sound beautiful..x

Mike B...another daddy to 3 girls...all rob ever gets is "dont envy you when they get older"...we have already taken over the bathroom..LOL

Kerry...your so right, kids do want your time and love so much more than material things.

Everyone else...thank you all so much...i aint sad anymore.xx


Angie xx


My IVA Story......http://bagpuss.blogs.iva.co.uk/2007/09/ ... iva-story/