Final Part of BR - Part 3

[poppyfairy]

Hello All!

Well I have had my interview with the Official Receiver. It lasted an hour and ten minutes and I feel like I have gone through the ringer. When I sent my papers into the OR I sent loads of receipts, letters of evidence about the childrem, cases etc. But despite the evidence there I was still totally grilled. Considering all that went on last year - so many different cases running at the same time - it was an emotional call with the OR. Especially being totally interrigated about the children's needs and expenditure. People find it so hard to understand the impact mental and physical disability has on daily life and therefore the practical costs it involves, e.g. my son has to have a cap, his special weighted chest vest to ground him, earphones with his theraputic cd on, sunglasses before he will even agree to leave the house. Anyway I am allowed to keep the house (relief) - I just have to sort out the buying of interest which is fine. I asked my OR if there was anyway she was able to let the creditors know how grateful I am and how sorry I am and she said she will get that across in her report which is good.

It has been a bit of a week. On Tuesday the hospital told me, after I insisted they take a proper look at my son's feet and legs (he has deformed feet, muscle weakness, is a toe walker, and other probs with legs). Finally they looked and said his legs are so bad he can't even have splints - he has to have both legs casted for 6 weeks - re-casted every 2 weeks, and if that doesn't help then it's an op. I am relieved they are finally doing something but upset as they refused to listen to me for the last couple of years and so my little boy is the one who has suffered and is going to suffer.

I received my Virgin pre-paid card today which is good, and now just waiting for the Co-Op cash minder account details to arrive. What I think has been overwhelming is that just two weeks ago I believed I was going for an IVA and then having spoken with Melanie and looked at things realistically the only choice available was BR. And here I am two weeks on - the whole process finished now - it is just a case of picking up the pieces and starting again. Emotionally I have found it really upsetting, really bad. But I know in time I will gradually feel better. BR is not an easy option at all. It may be a smooth physical process but as an individual I have felt totally reduced to nothing. I think those types of feelings would be totally down to the individual though and their own attitude towards the debt they have made. Some of the companies I have come across, particularly the banks, I have been made to feel so small and like scum to be honest. Even when I had to sort something out with County Hall regarding the children the guy spoke to me like I was a nothing. There have been some though that have been fantastic and supportive like the Co-Op, the DLA department, Virgin Media. All really kind.

I have decided to go and do some work in my garden this afternoon rather than ironing - I love gardening so much and thought it may help me get my mind settled. It feels like my brain has been frazzled. What I would say to anybody reading this and wondering about BR or IVA. I had to go through an IVA ten years ago (which ex husband caused). So I have been on both ends. If you can go for an IVA - if it is possible for you to live and pay something to your creditors I would go for that every time. The BR option really is when there is no option left. And I would hate for anyone to think it is an 'easy' or 'quick' or 'simple' solution. OK you may not have to pay your debt back - but that in itself is distressing - I would dearly love to pay my creditors back but can't. There is so much more involved with a BR - I was not prepared at all for the emotional journey over the last two weeks I would go on. And though I am a sensitive sole I am also a tough little cookie. It has been one of those experiences that will stay with me deep inside and the after affects will be felt for the rest of my life - though over time will ease I know - but will always be there.

So so sorry to ramble on my buddies but I guess I just needed to let this out. At last I feel I can begin to put the last few years behind me and walk with my gorgeous children into our sunshine. Thank you all so much, I keep saying this, but I so mean it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Poppyfairy [:)]

[Max]

Reading that Poppy you deserve every break you can get and I really hope you get some. You are a very brave lady - very brave!

[Michael Peoples]

Glad to hear it is all behind you and hopefully soon you will get rid of those feelings of guilt. In the great sphere of things your children are much more important than your creditors who will have forgotten about you already. To them you are now a statistic, a write off, a bad debt.

Enjoy your kids and your garden and wait for discharge. It may not have been the easiest decision you have ever made but it sounds like it was one of your best.

[size5]

Hear hear!!

I defy anyone to say that acting in the best interests of your children and family is wrong, do not spare another thought for multi-national corporations, they will have had their pound of flesh anyway.

Good luck and regards.

[merrypotter]

Hi Poppy really sorry to hear about the grilling . look at it like this todays news tomorrows chip paper, it will be easily forgotten. you have some great kids who have in turn a FANTASTIC MUM( always believe these kids are born to special people if you know what I mean) you have been and sure will still be an inspiration to all on here including me . you deserve this break grab it with both hands and look forward. all the best xxxx ( had to tell my IP this week about daughters DLA going to her now she is 16 (in august) waiting a reply the stress in unbelieveable as my payments will drop 280 per month ouch . will still be paying 500 so hoping it will be accepeted. enjoy the gardening thats funny I love it tooo. maybe its a realese valve lol

[angelrainbow]

Big hugs!
I can't imagine how distressing dealing with the OR would be, and I have every sympathy.
From reading your posts you are clearly a funny, warm, big hearted, generous fantastic mum.

I think it is awful that we are made to feel so bad by companies who are often in a far bigger pickle themselves.

Fresh air, sun shine and gardening all seem like excellent therapies!

[kallis3]

I'm so glad you have this out of the way, and what a lovely post!

You have come such a long way and I'm glad it is working out for you. I hope your son gets sorted soon as well - it's about time you all had a break.

Did you get an IPA?

[poppyfairy]

Hi All
Thanks ever so much for all your kind words. I have done 3 hours of gardening and feel sooooooooo much better.

Jan - I was told by the OR that I was not going to have to pay anything at all as the only income I get is my Carer's allowance which is £50 a week - the rest of the money - dla etc. is in the children's name and is therefore designated to them. My £50 a week wouldn't pay my £611 a month mortgage so therefore I do not have to pay any contribution. To be honest I don't know how I was going to be able to afford it - if I could I would have done the IVA. I asked what I do about calls etc. from the creditors and the OR said explain about the BR but if they keep calling I was to tell her and she would get on to them. I also asked if the creditors can refuse a BR - I was worried they would refuse and take me to court. But the OR said no once a BR is signed by the Judge that is it - the creditors cannot do anything. My OR when she was on interrigation mode, did ask me how on earth I expected to cope now with no credit etc to help my income. I reminded her that I was over three years credit free from the end of my IVA and indeed I would never have taken any out if it hadn't been for the situation with the children. And in that three plus years I coped very well on what came in. I have to say she did mellow at the end of the call. I think there is a chance I will have an early discharge due to the reasons of the bankrupcy etc.

So now feeling a lot better. I forgot to ask the OR about what was written on the insolvency register about my occupation - it said personal services!!! and it was meant to say Carer!!! (Maybe if anymore creditors ring I should ask them what Personal Service they want!!!!

Hope you are all well and enjoying the sunshine.



poppyfairy [:)]

[kallis3]

I'm glad you didn't get an IPA. You can get on with living your life now. It's all over bar the shouting and the only thing you have to wait for now is your discharge.

If any creditors bother you, at least you can, metaphorically speaking, stick two fingers up to them.

[Michael Peoples]

Given your entry on the Insolvency Register maybe you should change your name to Madam Poppyfairy!!!

[kallis3]

[:D][:D]

Perhaps she should change her number to an 0900 one and make money from any callers stupid enough to want to pay premium rates![:D]

[Max]

Michael that is just the sort of comment my PP would make!!

[MelanieGiles]

The worst bit is over now, and I doubt you will hear any more from the OR until your discharge. Let me know if you need any help with the purchase of the beneficial interest in the property, although it is actually quite straightforward.

[poppyfairy]

Hi Melanie

I hope you are having a great holiday. I do have a question if anyone can answer it about the beneficial interest. My OR said she had to offer the beneficial interest to my ex-husband to buy out as well - does he get first refusal as it is me who is bankrupt? Also if he says he will buy it out does that mean in anyway he can push me and the children out of the house, take any potential equity etc? As he has not contributed to the mortgage for two years. He has sent me an email which has got me a bit worried that some how this will be used as another weopon against me!

Any advice would be really welcome.

Thanks everyone

Poppyfairy [:)]

[Michael Peoples]

I would not want to speculate on an issue as important as this so you should really get legal advice. If you have not already got a solicitor your local CAB should be able to put you in touch with a solicitor who operates under the legal aid system and who has specialist knowledge of matrimonial law.