As you know from my previous post's iv sent off the paperwork to start the ball rolling for a iva but now it turns out my step-son's college course is coming to a end next week & cos he been lazy he has not put anything in place. So all the benefits we get will stop for him. An cos he is 17 we still got to feed & clothe him etc
We could still just about afford to probably enter a IVA an & feed him etc at the expense of the other kids missing out on pocket money & hobbies etc.
What wondering is if a IVA is set up now with not putting any of the kids pocket money + hobbies and other little things in. An if come to September he decides to go back to college & we get money for him then.
Will the creditors think it strange if on a I&E review we suddenly start putting kids pocket money + hobbies in. When they were not on there to start of with.
Is your son going to be doing anything after college? Will he be looking for a job?
You need to speak to your IP about this.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
He might want to look at the apprenticeship options as there are currently lots of opportunities for people of his age and it will help him learn a skill / trade for the future. Look at the www.directgov.uk website
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
There is a solution for everyone .... Just need to stay positive !
He has said that is hoping to start another course in 2/3 weeks time but that will only last around 8 weeks for 2 days a week & it not clear yet if this course passes the criteria to still claim child benefit etc. An wont know until next week if he is on the course.
An if he passes the course he will get taken on for a part time apprenticeship got around £50 a week, which i know we wont be able to claim any benefits for him then.
The drop in benefits will take place at the end of next week.
My gut thinking is its not going to be possible for any IP to finalizes my I&E to put forward to the creditors meeting while its highly likely im not going to know what my money is going to be like while he stops one course & then maybe starting another, if we are or are not still getting money for him.
It felt like we were getting somewhere & now another hurdle comes in the way!!!
Can your son get a part time job to help out in the meantime?
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
Iv told him about some part time work a few weeks ago that he could of still done around his current course he said he would apply for them but never did.
TBH he might be 17 but IMO he never acts his age & always seams to want things done for him. Which is really not helping at the moment.
I think you might have to give him a quick boot up the bum!
My daughter has done part time work for Asda since she was 16. It helped her through Uni and we weren't prepared to let her sit back and let us support her.
I'm afraid he will have to join the real world, especially given your financial circumstances at the moment.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
I totally agree with you. I just wish he would grow up quickly & he even knows we are in a lot of debt cos when I was scanning the documents the other night he asked me what I was doing so i explain to him then about the debts etc. An said I hope he is sorting something out for after college & all i got was a "yeah".
But now it seams nothing is finalized with what he is doing!
With you just saying about Asda i had a look & our local one got some jobs going at the moment. An he asked if there was any night ones & i said yeah there is but you cant do nights until you are 18 years old. He said forget it as he only wants night shift working there.
Its as if he dont care at the moment how much **** we could be in money wise he if dont sort him self out.
An when we stop giving him any money when it drops its going to make things worse cos he has got a bit of a temper on him, throwing things around/ shouting etc....An its not going to be nice for the other kids to put up with.
I really dont know now what to do any more!!!.....Has anyone got a magic wand i can use please?
I am with the others on this. He needs to grow up and get some self respect, and get out and earn like everyone else. I sympathise with you a lot. Let him throw his teddy out of the cot if you can't give him money, he will get over it. If you haven't got it. he can't have it, and at 17 he should know better. I will also add no matter how good a parent you are, some of the blame must lie with you, it sounds to me that he has had is own way for far too long and you have given in for a bit of piece and quiet in the past.
When my daughter left school halfway through her A levels with no job to go to i told her she had 2 choices. Get a job and pay her way, or get to the dole office, either way she was told in no uncertain terms that now she had finished school she had to pay me to keep the roof over her head, not me pay her to go to school. She got the message very quickly. Two weeks without any money and she was in work. Fortunately she is now a year or so to go to becoming a qualified Optician. I may be a bit harsh in my opinions and views, but wasters i can not tolerate.
Paul, I really feel for you. Our daughter was told that if she wanted things once she got to sixteen then she had to find work. She has just managed to get a full time job there now after she threatened to leave for a full time job elsewhere. I wish she could get a better paid job but there just aren't any out there.
You may also find that your IVA company will expect him to be contributing to the household finances as well. He will have to put up with the fact that you won't be able to give him money for things.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
Paul one day he will sort himself I'm sure some of these young lads do take longer to mature. My son is 27 now and finally sorted. No good to you at this time but hopefully reassuring for the future. x
IVA final payment left the bank on the 26th January 2013...looking forward to a debt free future.
I take on board what you have said as that is what the forums are but no we have never been soft with him.
We have had issues with him on/off for some time, runway a couple of times, self harming etc. An while he was still in school we asked social services to help us but always said no. All they would give us is details of local youth groups which could help if he went to them but if would never go.
TBH i would of kicked him out when he left school but we were told by social services we have a legal obligation to him until he is 18.
He has used his owned EMA money for things he has wanted & its only in the last couple of months we have gave him £10 per week when he has helped with the washing up & keeping a eye on his sisters if needed. But that is going to stop now.
I do believe he plays on his dyslexia a bit, lets just say my 8 year old has better hand writting than him but he wont do anything to try & improve it.
@Kallis3
I can understand they may want him to be contributing but lets be honest there are not many jobs out there these days, an we no real grades he dont stand a chance.
So how dose he put money in? No job, cant claim JSA until he is 18 years old?
@lesley_
Glad your son is sorted, an hope my step-son sorts my self out soon.
As my partner suffers with depression & all the worring about the debts an now about her son & our income is really not help at the moment.
We all mature at different ages and it sounds as if your son is a late bloomer. I am also dyslexic and I'm sure your 8 year old has better handwriting than me too. What exactly would yu like your son to do about a muscular condition that is beyond his control?
Paul - I know we have a couple of posters who have had conditions imposed so that when the child gets to a certain age they are supposed to get a job and contribute to the the household.
I know how hard it is as my daughter has gone for a lot of jobs and not got anywhere. I'm just thankful she now has one.
Fingers crossed that you can get something sorted.
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
Well he might be a late bloomer, but it dont really help us. If he dont get on to another course. I think i may have to consider bankruptcy so we still have enough money for everyone, which was a option any way before sending the IVA paper's off.....Before any thinks im blaming him im not. We should never of got ourselves in the mess in the first place. Just a little bit of cooperation from him would be nice now.
I said he had Dyslexia (learning disability), he never been diagnosed with any muscular problems associated with dyspraxia which you may or may not of been thinking of. But he only has issues with his hand's is hand writing he can do every thinking else with his hands just like me or anyone else.
@Kallis3
Thanks i hope so too
Last edited by paul1981 on Fri Mar 04, 2011 4:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
