Hi again,
I seem to be posting a lot at the moment, and I am sorry for my random questions and ramblings. I just need to 'get it out', as it were.
I am starting to feel so ashamed of the fact I am entering an IVA. In my 'rational' brain, I know its the right thing to do and I just couldn't keep up our huge repayments each month on our low salaries. Its also allowing us more quality of life as I will be able to spend more time with my young boys, rather than working all the time to simply pay debts.
However, I was chatting to a Mum at the pre school earlier and it suddenly popped into my head 'if she knew I was about to become insolvant, I would be so ashamed'.
I was also reading the 'renting' thread earlier and I am now having a slient panic that, if for any reason we had to move, we wouldn't be able to rent anywhere again.
For those of you well into the process, does it get easier to personally deal with the stigma (more than likely self created stigma) attached to entering an IVA, as you go along?
why be ashhamed, you are doing something about your debts and getting your life back.
I will never be ashamed of going into my iva, as its something I had to do. yes I got myself into this mass and Im doing something about getting myself out.
5 or 6 years will not be eacy but it is the best I can do to pay what I can.
Last edited by kev59 on Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
IVA now over with and it was worth it.
now starting my life again,
Yes, it gets much easier very quickly to adjust to being on an IVA but you don't need to feel any shame or stigma, for goodness sake. You have taken a very brave decision and have assumed responsibility - you have regained control and are getting things straight. There is no shame or stigma in that, indeed quite the contrary. You don't know what skeletons other people are hiding at all. Who is to say that other mum was not an IVA, even worse she might be a secret Man City fan. There are plenty of people who have reason to genuinely be ashamed - Media tycoons, some journalists, politicans, some police, bankers etc. You are not one of them. Hold your head up and go forward with dignity and confidence. I don't know about the renting issue. Someone else will be able to get back to you on that one I expect, but I surely can't imagine it would be such a massive issue even if you did have to move.
Last edited by brokebryn on Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Last monthly payment made 3 June 2013 after 6 long years. CC issued 21 August 2013, but, er, lost in the post. Finally got it 17 September.
'doublemummy' don't be ashamed, be proud you are doing the honourable thing entering an IVA whereby you are repaying your creditors the maximum amount you can comfortably afford, you can't do any more.
Just think, I bet Fred Goodwin (ex Sir) doesn't feel any stigma about what he's done and he's got a lot more reason to feel ashamed than you have [:(!][:(!][:(!]
It does get easier and just need to keep reminding yourself after 5 years you will have legally fulfilled your obligations and can start a debt free life, everyone deserves a second chance so stop beating yourself up [:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]
IVA COMPLETED ON THE 17th MARCH, FINAL I&E COMPLETED 26th APRIL, COMPLETION CERTIFICATE ARRIVED 2nd AUGUST
I have to say that I understand completely how you feel. I often feel like I have two versions of me - the 'normal' me (who everyone knows) and then the 'IVA' me. The only person who knows about my IVA is my partner. I would be mortified if it was common knowledge, I know that I am on my way to sorting things out but the fact that I got into such a mess in the first place fills me with shame. I often think about what people would think if they knew. You are not alone in feeling as you do!
Doublemummy..think we all have times when we feel ashamed. I've only recently had my IVA accepted after burying our heads in the sand for far too long. Like everyone is saying though, it is probably the hardest thing you'll have to do (other than childbirth!) but I honestly feel so relieved having done it.
I'm obviously expecting 'down' days during my IVA and in a way I am ashamed I let things get as bad as they did but I, like everyone else is proud that I've taken steps to resolve it all.
Being a mother of a young child too I've immediately noticed how happier we all are. I'm definately less stressed and i'm making a conscious effort to do things with my little boy that don't cost the earth!
I honestly wish I'd have done it sooner!
And i'm hoping my 'renting' problem will soon be just a distant memory!
I'm pretty new to this forum myself but find myself on here everyday. It's so nice to know people are going through exactly the same and whilst most of us havent really told anyone about it, we can rant and rave about all sorts on here and believe me, it helps!! [:)]
When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long...the past cannot be changed. It is the present and future that counts
Dont you worry about it at all, it does get easier with time I promise! I speak from experience. It took me ages to face up to the mess I was in back in 2009 and I was shaking when I made my initial call to my IVA company. Its the best thing I ever did. I am now 3 years down the line, and have been debt free ever since. Only my partner and my parents know about it, there is no need to tell anyone you dont want to, so dont give a second thought to what people might think, they wont find out. As for renting, I rent, and had to move house recently - you will need to be upfront with the agent before you pay over any application fees and inform them you will fail the credit check. Some landlords are OK with this if you can offer to pay a higher deposit, or in my case, 6 months rent up front. That seems a lot, but its probably nothing compared to what you are paying on servicing your debts, so its surprising how quick you can save it up. Good luck!
There is absolutely no reason for anyone to feel ashamed. The banks lend money and a certain percentage goes bad but this is factored in to their pricing. Over the years the amount paid to the banks is normally more than they write off anyway and very few people set out to deliberately defraud creditors. If it was deliberate, the amounts would be greater and you would petition for bankruptcy having ensured all assets would have been hidden.
Finally, if no one was insolvent I would not have a job!
No need to feel ashamed at all but I know how you feel.
That said it does get a lot easier to deal with and once the weight has been lifted and you are back in control of your budget each month then a certain sense of pride comes from that also.
From my experience, whilst I would never boast about it, I am proud of the fact that when this is over we will be debt free and we tackled the problem head on.
In addition I have found along the way more than a couple of people I know are in debt up the whazoo so to speak and burying their heads in the sand still.
You may be as well to remind yourself that the mummy you were talking to at school could have 10 credit cards and loans and be silently panicking whilst all the time living well beyond her means.
You are not alone in this and taking charge of a problem that is out of control is something to pat yourself on the back about every single day - I say well done us xxx
"Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent." - Jean Kerr
IVA approved Aug 2008 - 6 year term - last payment made 6 Oct 2014. CC received 14 Nov 2014.
Oh I've experienced all those feelings and still could if I thought about it too much. Don't feel any of those things, be proud as others say and hold your head up high, you're going to be debt free in a few years and have a whole fresh start.
Ask as many questions as you want and we'll try and help/support you along your IVA journey. I know the forum has personally helped me so much and in return I like to help others starting out on their journey. xx
IVA final payment left the bank on the 26th January 2013...looking forward to a debt free future.
It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of - you're doing something to pay your creditors back and you should be proud of that.
It's a wonderful feeling of releif when you are accepted and seeing that plus balance in the bank at the end of the month is great.
I enjoy the challenge of living within my budget now and I think we all look for money saving opportunities!!
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
Im just starting out on my journey with an IVA and looking forward the future is a hell of a lot brighter than what I have been through so far.
I only wish I had found this forum sooner
Sharing from experiences of dealing with debt
The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.
Bob Marley. http://kallis3.blogs.iva.co.uk
There is nothing to be ashamed of, you are doing the right thing, as are all of us on here, in facing and dealing with your debt problem.
Our girls know about our iva and they are the only ones that matter.
I will admit, i havent told my dad, but thats because he is old and frail, but he would still kick my a**e.
Aucto Splendore Resurgo.
IVA accepted May 2007.
Extended by 12 months in lieu of equity March 2012.
F+F offer accepted May 2012.
C of C received August 2012.
IVA dropped off credit file 24th May 2013.
Hi Doublemummy - feeling ashamed of anything is a horrible feeling so I feel for you having those thoughts. As the others have said, and what you woudl say to a friend in the same position, you have no reason at all to feel ashamed - hopefully over time you will feel that and believe it too. Unfortunately we do live in a judgemental world but the judges are few and those who take the higher ground really sit on a lower level to all of us.
You cannot tell from the outside who is insolvent and who isn't....and trust me, many who look far from it are in a bigger mess than you could imagine.
I know this doesn't change what you're going through at the moment but its a phase of the process and you coming to terms with the positive changes you are making. You are putting your future first not the pretence of the present - that is something to be proud of and look forward to
Regards, Tina Shortland, Debt Advisory Manager for Melanie Giles at Debt Advice TV.
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