My story (to try and reassure others)

[davvhenn]

Hi everyone,

Having read many posts on this website I just want to say what a wonderful group of people you all are. It's a community that can help each other in the same situation.

There is nothing worse than feeling that you are the only one going through this at the time, as I'm sure many of us did/do.

I want to share my story with you as it is similar to many others on here but also unique to me, which is why I was so scared to do anything about this.

I split up with my partner about 3 years ago. He couldn't get credit, I took out loans for him, paid off his credit cards, however we both earn't good incomes. He was on £30K per year and I am on £43K per year, so we had a nice lifestyle.

We didn't really want for anthing. We rented a house as didn't feel ready to buy anywhere together and over the years the debts crept up. We managed to pay everything each month and had plenty left over at the end (this was on a joint income.)

Well he left me about 30 months ago and I was left with everything as it was all taken out in my name. You trust someone when you are with them and you assume in a long relationship that you are going to be together for ever, this was not the case.

I was left to pay back about 70K worth of debts. I also had to find my own place to rent, buy all my own furniture again as I felt sorry for him and left him with everything. I even paid half his rent for the first 12-months we were apart as I felt guilty, (it was my choice to leave).

I sold my car at this time and used my 20K savings to pay off what I could, however I had to use some of this for advance deposit and furniture on my new place.

Well 2 years later and my savings are nearly depleted. I am robbing Peter to pay Paul and my salary is not covering all the debt repayments.

Some how I managed to continue paying everything. I never defaulted on anything, however I wasn't sleeping properly and I was having panic attacks at the thought of what I owed. I was also racking up more debt as I was using cards to help with my day to day living.

I was proud that I continued to pay everything in full each month and also proud that I never defaulted on any of my payments. I was however at a point where I couldn't carry on as I was as my debt is now up to 90K, the majority are loans that I took out when with my partner.

The hardest thing was that I had nearly paid 4 of these off. They were 20K loans that were now down to 4500 left to pay. The payments don't decrease each month unlike cards, so keeping this up was impossible.

I finally realised after much soul searching that I needed to take action and after looking at many websites decided on a company called Thomas Charles. They are amazing.

I've never been dealt with in such a caring, honest and understanding manner. I felt after that first call when I had to go through all my debt with someone I didn't know that a huge weight had been lifted from me and that I had finally managed to do something about this huge problem.

I have today put all my paperwork together and am sending my pack back to Thomas Charles for them to contact my creditors.

I am offering them £990 per month from my salary, which I can manage, however it will be a tough 5-years. I am going to learn to budget correctly and never again will I get into debt.

I have cancelled all my direct debits and SO's and have opened a new bank account with Natwest (who offer a great account to anyone in this situation as you get a cashpoint card with Solo/Switch so you can use it for day to day stuff).

I am scared but all my friends are saying this is the best thing that I couldn've done, which I agree with.

No one should feel ashamed of being in debt. The circumstances that led me into debt were personal and like many others I am a mature person, very sensible and someone who holds a responsible position at work.

If you are in a similar situation then contact someone and get some help. After all an IVA is offering to pay back to your creditors what you can owe. It is not copping out, it is trying to be responsible.

I will update you on my application as it goes along.

Thanks for all the wonderful comments on here. Knowing that there are hundreds of others who are in the same situation and people that I can talk to makes me feel so much better,

Take care and please excuse any spelling mistakes as typing this fast.
xx

[MelanieGiles]

Thomas Charles will be referring you eventually to an Insolvency Practitioner firm who will deal with the preparation and presentation of the proposals for you.

The very best of luck to you in the meantime, and do continue to tell us how you are getting on.

[vickir]

Hi Davvhenn,
I was in a similar situation, my husband was an alcoholic and everything was in my name, i was too scared to leave (we had a teenage daughter)and i had no idea how i could pay for everything alone, in the end i had no choice as he brought another woman home with him from the pub!!!, and proceeded to give her the guided tour of my house....
I got away with nothing but suitcases, my daughter and the dog, stayed with friends for a few weeks and then found a place to rent.
Used credit cards to cover the deposit, luckily he had moved away from our house and i got back in with some family and a few vans and took as much as i could.
I also went through Thomas Charles and fould them to be excellent as you did.
I dont look back now, have been divorced for 4 months and have met someone else who treats me really well (and who is rather well off as well!!), wont give up my house and wont ever marry again but so much happier that i've been for over 20 years
Please let us know how you get on, we are all here to offer you support xx

[angela18]

Hi we've just started the process of IVA, trying to gather figures and agreements. we also have never defaulted any payment but have never had a tuppence of our own to scratch our proverbial with. Hopefully now we have bit the bullet we can start to relax and not wake up in a sweat thinking its the early menopause!!!! Good luck..

[davvhenn]

Hi Vickir, I really feel for you, but am so happy that you finally met someone who treats you as you clearly deserve to be treated.

I got a call from Thomas Charles today saying that all my paperwork was in order and that they have now passed it onto an IP to prepare my case for me.

I'm nervous but happy that I am finally dealing with this.

I guess you go up and down as the days go by. Today I've felt like I've failed in life and was a little frustrated that this has happened to me, however I know tomorrow I will wake up feeling differently again and know that I've made the right decision in my life. Health and happiness are the most important things and I'm finally beginning to get that back.

This has been the right move for me and clearly was the right move for you. I am so happy for you.

I will keep you updated.
Cheers
xxxx

[eveningstar]

Hi

My story is something similar to everyones. I met my partner 16 years ago. For the first 4-5 years things were ok, but after his aunt who he was close to, and my gran and uncle died all in a short space of time died. He then started to drink very heavily. Ran up a series of debts, which I foolishly tried to help him with, took on is payments to help out. He then became violent. He attacked my car damaging it, dented a stranger's car which I had to pay for. Then finally he hit me. Well I say hit, he tried his best to cause me the maximum amount of pain.

At that point I left and returned to my parents. Two weeks later he was dead from an overdose of sleeping tablets.

I carried his debt with me after he died. I left my job due to homophobic in my workplace and due to not coping well with his death.

I meet my new partner a year later. He's everything that my last was not. I tried to find secure work, I tried to get supply teaching, after a couple of years, the debts I had started to pile up. Using credit to pay the mortgage. He is overseas at the moment (another long story). i am at my parents after renting for a few years.

I now have a full time job, but now, I find the debts too much to handle. I hope that an IVA is my best option. I have been reassured that my case is a low risk one.

I am such a doubter. If there was ever a film made about the life of Jesus I would be a prime contender for doubting Thomas.

Lastly, I have been hit with a legal bill as a result of a case I took against my late partner's family, from an insurance that was not paid out to me.

All I can do is dust myself off. Pick myself up. And hope for a much better future. I have a lot of things good in my life. It's just the debt I took on and never cleared that's tripping me up...

[MelanieGiles]

Hi eveningstar

What a journey you have had, and let's hope that IVA brings some finality to the debts for good.

[emma_t]

davvhenn and eveningstar
Welcome both to the forum

You have both been through an awful lot and I hope you have much happiness in the future.

Good luck
Emma x

[Soulgrowth]

I second Emma's message ... good luck and keep in touch to let us know how you are getting on.

Debbie

[aguise]

Davvhenn and eveningstar, all the very best from me as well. Life dishes out some real challenges for us all at times. Facing them is one of the toughest things to do. You will be fine I am sure, good luck keep posting.

Ang x

[Skippy]

Good luck to both of you x

[eveningstar]

Hello
Thank you ever so much for all the best wishes. I would just love a little stability in my life. 2 days ago was the anniversary of my previous partner's death. It has been a lomg journey from that day to here. Many a bump and swerve in the road. I have been told by my debt advisor that I am a low risk case. Again, the doubter in me is always nagging at me. I hope that this a a positive sign of a future acceptance. There are low, medium and high risk cases. They claim a very high acceptance rate, so I am hoping that all this will have good result for me.

[eveningstar]

I was also wondering about something. I have all my documentation gathered to apply for an IVA. If I am prompt with sending in all information about creditors would my IVA be set up much quicker? Or are there set times for each event or milestone?

[aguise]

They can be set up quite quickly and yes returning all the necessary info asap is a great help towards this. oOnce they have drawn your proposal they will let you checjk and sign it and DO CHECK IT SO THAT YOU UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING and are happy if not ask all the questions you want until you do understand. It takes I think a couple of weeks for the meeting obviously creditors need some time to peruse but it doesnt need to take long at all.

You will be fine all the best

Ang

[emma_t]

Hi eveningstar

In my case it was all set up really quickly and I think this was helped by all my information and creditor balances and statements being sent back qucikly.
I sent mine special delivery as all my original statements were enclosed and I didn't wan to risk anything going astray in the postal system and also wanted to guarantee next day delivery.

As ang says, check and re check everything and make sure any questions you have are answered to your satisfaction and you understand everything. Its so important to get everything right at proposal stage and that you understand everything. I had a few questions when reading my proposal and rang my IP for clarification.
You can never ask to many questions or be to informed.

Good luck
Emma x