please can you help

[kb.m]

Hi

Problem with hiring - before I took the IVA I attempted suicide as a reasonable option !! I took pills and booze and drove to a cliff. I hit a parked car, thank God no-one hurt. Upshot was I was prosecuted for driving whilst unfit - they took the blood after I had collapsed in the police cell and was in intensive care. Suicide attempt is not a legal mitigation.

Have worked off my ban and fine but cant rent because of my licence endorsments - yeap, it keeps on raining !!

Could you let me have the link Andy posted yesterday as I can't find it. I will think about the bankruptcy route but car is more immediate than the solution that would bring


Thank you

Kareen

[chris.g]

What link was it? If it's for the bankruptcy forum it's http://www.bankruptcyhelp.org.uk/forum/

could you possibly afford a car off ebay? A few of the posters here have bought some good motors from there for a few hundred pounds, might be worth a try.....
xx

[Soulgrowth]

Here it is

http://www.secretariatservices.net/Cont ... /index.asp

You may have to be a business though ... but I put down my business as myself (sole trader) because I am self-employed. Whilst they asked me for my driving licence I think this was just for ID purposes as another option is your passport. I would imagine that the only thing these people are interested in is affordability, as shown by your bank statements being needed, the endorsment issue would only arise in the insurance which you must already have. It might be of use though KB,I hope so ... the lady I spoke to (Susi) was very helpful ... .

Knowing what I know now as the wisdom gained from my own journey and the lessons I have learnt ... if I were you I would see my doctor to put me out of work for a bit due to stress, thus alleviating the current situation of desperately needing a vehicle ... and use the time to, as Paul Jones puts it, put your ducks in a row to go down the bankruptcy route and give yourself a fresh start.

Chris' idea of eBAY is also a good one.

Debbie

[Reviva UK]

Hi kb.m

Sorry to hear of the terrible time you are having. No amount of debt is worth doing something so drastic athough it may seem like a good idea at the time.

It sounds to me that you could do with a little more support regarding putting your ducks in a row - and hopefully if you worked out a plan of action with a timeline you would be able to see exactly when you will be debt free.

In that timeline is the new home, the car, possibly the job,getting rid of the old house, the bank account, when in the month you do it, changing over direct debits etc etc etc.



I realise that lots of people say "just nip down to the court and fill the forms in" - that is the easy part as it is only 30 pages. It is much more important to see what the impact of this is to the family and start to focus on what is truly important - you and the family.

Taking back control and having sme dignity is what this is all about - knowing what is going to happen before it happens "BECAUSE YOU PLANNED IT THAT WAY" is really important.

hope this helps

[Reviva UK]

Hi Soulgrowth

Does this mean I am famous - the "ducks in a row" comment?

I obviously use a couple of phrases too often.

cheers

[Adam Davies]

Hi Kbm
You have come along way,against some huge hurdles.
Try to keep things in perspective,bankruptcy is an option but it will always be an option for you.Try to sort your car lease out and your house.Your IP should be helpful as you have kept upto date with your IVA so a payment break if needed may help you.
Regards

[Soulgrowth]

Absolutely Paul ... It sums it up beautifully!! I have intuitively been putting "ducks in a row" for a few years now but I hadn't actually realised that was what I was doing until you coined the phrase [:)]

KB ... Paul is absolutely right ... you need to gain control of your life ... put yourself and your son first. I can remember a time when I was being ovewhelmed by my debt sitaution and as good as tried to kill myself on the M25 by driving stupidly, then used to drive up the local motorway under a certain bridge and think to myself "if I just drive into that concrete support it will be all over" ... a good few of us have been there ... I am sure Andy will support me on that also. What kept me going, especially after the motorway experience, was a phrase from a book ("Jonathan Livingstone Seagull") by a modern day philopher Richard Bach. He wrote "how do you know if your mission on earth is completed ... check to see if you are still breathing!"

Take control ... worry about yourself first and foremost (if you are ok your son will be fine) ... and have a plan of action ... sometimes it's difficult to see the wood for the trees ... and remember that we are all here for you with expert advice and moral and emotional support [:)]

Debbie

[chris.g]

kb.m you have all of us rooting for you and there's always someone here when you need us. Even the darkest times come to an end and you are already seeing the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel, stick in there and take the advice given by our wonderful experts, accept the support from all of us and take it one step at a time and you will get there, you and your little boy. We are stronger than we think and I guarantee you can get through it.....
My very best wishes go to you & your son, xxxx

[lily]

Oh Kb, I just feel for you. Its tough right now and there is no way in all this your going to feel good. Just accept that for now, dont give up, your boy will never know how much you love him if you take the suicide route. I would totally agree with Soulgrowth that you should get signed off.

I must admit a couple of times I thought the same as soulgrowth, if I just hit that lorry I wont feel so desperate anymore. I once left my kids in bed drove somewhere with a load of pills and thought, I just cant face it, cant go back, there is no answer. Then the thought of my kids getting up and looking for me made me chuck the pills and drive back home. I never considered it again.

Chris's right, we are all rooting for you, we know only too well how dark these days are.

I got through by saying, Ok I not going to feel, A,B or C but I can do D,E and F.

Please, please please take care.

Money can be made you cant.

[Reviva UK]

Myy second phrase that I am getting a name for ( to be used in more stressful circumstances)
is " you need to put you and your family on page 1 of he plan and everyone else goes on page 17"

It tries to sum up the importance of the family and everything else is way down the list.

[Soulgrowth]

Now my philosophy is that you need to put yourself on page one of the plan and the family will follow, the rationale being that if you're not right then neither will they be. I remember back a good few years ago when my husband walked out to move in with a another woman leaving me with four very young children and no money whatsover (he never made another payment to even the mortgage after that day). The first payment of Income Support I received I went and had my hair permed ... my mum went ballistic ... but as I said to her "Mum, I have to keep myself together to be able to be there for my children" [:)]

Debbie

[kb.m]

Hi everyone

Just wanted to say hello, still hanging in there. I can so identify with 'its still raining' and 'another 24 hours'

Hope you are all ok and holding on like me to the 'things can only go up from here' At least its raining here, absolutely nothing worse than the sun shinning when you feel really down!! .......and its much better for the ducks to line them up in the wet !!

Love the posts and the support, it really does help to know that others have been to the depths in IVA and come out stronger and wiser, I appreciate all the support and good wishes xx

[Soulgrowth]

I have a framed postcard on my wall in my study above my desk ... it says ...

<center></center>"What you see depends on what you look for"

I often have to look at it to remind myself to think positive [:)]

Debbie