Been told we are 'stupid'

[kallis3]

This is one reason I wouldn't tell any friends either in or out of work. I know they wouldn't understand, but I know I am doing my best to get out of debt. People who are not in this position do not understand that you will pay back a good proportion of your debt. All they see are the tv ads which say you can write off up to 75% of your debts and they think you are wriggling out of it. Lets hope they read the stuff you have sent them so they can get a better idea of things.

Hang in there - it really will get better. These are the dark days before someone switches on the light. You are in good hands with Melanie.

I hope you feel better soon and that your call goes ok this morning.

Sending you a very BIG hug.

[drowning-mummy]

Once again Lily that is how I feel. The slightest thing sets me off. My 3 year old keeps asking why I am sad, I'm just a big bag of sopping wet tissues and take everything to heart at the moment. Everywhere I go I presume people know, calling the mortgage company again yesterday made me sweaty and nervous, I could barely speak!

[angela18]

oh wish i could make things better for you.. but once IVA sorted you'll be able to smile i'm sure.. its only money and you have to beautiful children.. you need to be happy and strong for them.. my nephew and niece always make me think 'you know theres more to life'...

[Viki.W]

Hey drowning-mummy, I'm sure it won't be long until you're all sorted, things will calm down and you won't be so upset. Remember, you don't have to justify ANYTHING you do to ANYONE, if you know what I mean. Thinking of you, Viki X

[freelili]

Hi again

Tell the sweetie 3 year old that mommy laughs when she is happy but right now she is sad but will get better. Tell her she can help you by giving you a hug and giving you some tissues. Tell her to hold your hand when you next make a call etc. She will want to help, that way she is helping.

Write down what you can do today and get it done, then think of something you and your little one can do together. Making a little cake or even icing some cheap biscuits or have a jumping up and down competition. This will help to make you feel less guilty and her more able feel she is helping....

Each day and each call you make is one step nearer... You are doing really well, keep telling yourself that.

Dont answer upsetting creditors calls right now, wait until youre feeling a bit better.

Tell yourself its OK to feel ****e right now, how can you not.... really? Does not mean youre a failure. Going through this now you will be able to help others in the same boat in no time at all...

Still wanting to give you a hug...

[TREES57]

Hi Drowning Mummy,just wanted to say that i'm thinking of you,and hope everything works out ok.We can't tell anyone about our situation,the shame and desperation you feel can, at times, be unbearably but there is always a solution.Please keep posting, for the support of people on this site is amazing,and just knowing that other people are going through similar is in itself a comfort.
take care xxxx

[Kazzy E]

Hi Kaz, just been reading your posts. I really feel for you at the moment because I am feeling the same. I think the worse thing is, that you want to tell someone because a problem shared is a problem halved, and the people you want to tell are usually the people closest to you; your friends, family etc, but you are trapped because you are afraid of them misjudging you and thinking less of you. I did pluck up the courage yesterday and told my other sister that we are pursuing an IVA and I thought I would get a mouthful from her, but to my amazement, she said that she had heard about them and heard they were a good solution to the problem. In my family, I have always been the sensible one out of three girls, the one who worked from the day I left school, owned property first and always did things right. Well that was what people thought anyway - but the more we earned, the more we lived to our means which is how we got into trouble, but of course people didn't see that - we were just 'well off' in everyone's eyes.

This is where my shame comes in, because we obviously gave off vibes that weren't the true picture and I regret that. If we had been more frugal, then we wouldn't be in this mess, but although I feel really down at the moment, I am proud that I have taken positive steps to solve our problems. Five years sounds a long time, but really it is the length of a loan that we would have taken out without really too much thought, so I look the 5 yr term in a similar way but with lots of thought to arrive at our decision.

Please try not to beat yourself up. Think of the thousands of people out there in similar trouble, but that haven't found this wonderful forum. You really are not alone in this and always think that there are people out there far more worse off than us. Given time things WILL really be brighter. We have started living on our budget and we feel much better for it already and paying by cash is wonderful.

Keep your chin up mate. We're all here for you.

Best Regards

Kaz x

[drowning-mummy]

Thanks Kazzy,
You're always there for me!
Stomach still in knots as we try and reach a decision, whatever we do we are doing it for the girls. Dad now knows what is happening and is very supportive. We gave off vibes of having dosh, even though we had noting as it was all borrowed and any disposable income was spent paying debts. He just wants me to be happy again and has noticed such a change in me. He thought I had post nantal depression as I have been so miserbale during this spell of maternity leave. I dont, I've just not enjoyed it because of non stop stress. I'll never get this time back with my baby so its important to really give the next few years some serious thought, which is why we still have not reached a decision on what to do.

I'm hanging in there!!!!!

[angela18]

you'll know whats right for you and you're family.. regardless what you decide you'll always have them

[chardonnay]

Hi DM,
Yes as others have said don't listen to others, go with your heart and gut instinct on this. You are doing your best to admit the problem and do something about it - well done that is to be applauded. Get the professional help you need from Melanie's team - they will give you the options without preducice.
I would lay my hat on the fact that in a few years time - given the current credit crunch, your friends will be seeking your advice about who to turn to.
I feel lucky to have sought help now as I feel the country's debt will spiral in the next few years.
Do your own thing - somethimg you are comfortable with,an IVA is hard, but you don't have to resort to sack cloth and gruel (beans on toast maybe.....)
Take care,
Hugs,
Chardonnay

[TheMatrix]

You're right more and more people are going to get hit hard, interest rate rises to try to curb inflation, pay rises below the rate of inflation, increases to the cost of gas and electric and petrol getting more expensive by the day it would seem.

It don't look very bright does it, at least were sorting our debts out now, instead of sticking head in the sand

[kallis3]

Yes, I work with at least one person who I think will be having problems soon.

He is one who is borrowing and borrowing and loves to tell us all about it. I keep quiet - I don't think he would like my advice at the moment anyway.

[angela18]

i worry how all these rises will affect my IVA.. only so much you can cut back on!![:(]

[chris.g]

I think the crunch is more like a strangle hold and it's going to get worse...
As Ang says there's only so much you can cut back on, I suspect the class system may become very apparent again soon....

[angela18]

i've just dyed my own hair.. begrudge paying hairdresser.. will go next time for trim. wouldn't care my friend does it and she's cheap!!