I have cancelled Christmas-anybody else?

[rob.be]

I have decided to cancel Christmas!Bah humbug[xx(].
Wife has always been rubbish with money but a couple of weeks ago she told me she ows £35k! We have been toughter nearly 4 years and thats a total of around £70k and we live in a small house without a great deal,no flash cars or big teles. No idea what she spends it on,fresh air I think! im not a quiter and have given her a final chance to sort it out with a DMP, and I want her credit to be screwed for ever. BTW I have just a few k on CC's and a excellent credit rating!

So I have decided to cancel christmas. We have no kids, just have my parents over,her's are in Spain. We will have traditional lunch but NO PRESENTS! She's not too keen on this but have given her no choice. I like xmas but hate the shopping and having to think what to buy, so this is the only silver lining I can think of so far!

Anybody else doing this?

[stressed_suzanne]

Oh never! Apart from being Catholic and having kids, I love Christmas. We've never overspent as the reason we celebrate it is more important than the presents. I couldn't imagine not having something to open at Christmas - even if it's a pressie from the pound shop!

If your wife isn't very good with money, do you think it might help to sit down with her and look at where she spends it? My friend and her husband have just done this, and she said it really is scarey where the money goes, fiver here, tenner there. But like you say, nothing to actually show for it! Unless one takes stock of where it's going and changing habits, any DMP isn't going to help in the long term. Obviously you are good at budgeting - something I'm teaching my 17yo atm - so you could probably really help her [:)]

[Viki.W]

Hey rob.be, please don't cancel christmas.

Instead, why don't you sit down, and as a team, work out what the best way forward is.........for you both.

The most important thing is that you have each other and you support each other. I think your wife is going to need you more than ever and if you reassure her that everything will be ok and that you will tackle this together, then there is no harm in having a frugal christmas. After all, I'm sure you want her to be happy.

Have you looked at all your options regarding the debts?

[Wizzzard]

What a rissole ... where's your support for your wife man .... I hate holier than thou types and to me you really do take the biscuit. It's times like these you pull together ... not lay down the law. Sorry if this sounds rude but you have hit my blind spot re being nice to people.

[Julie]

Hi - I could never cancel Christmas. Its not about expensive presents although I admit over the years I have fallen into that trap when my girls were young. I enjoy the whole atmosphere and with the pressies set a limit of £10 per person and put some real thought into what to get.

I had never been in debt and was horrified when I realised how much my hubby had ran up on various cc's, but we are a team and we are facing this together. I know he realises the stress facing up to the debt has caused and one way or another we will be debt free in under 4yrs and a huge lesson learnt.

Christmas is for being together as family and friends xx

[moretolife]

i love christmas....i have built up a store of christmas memories that will last me forever....
life can hold few good moments when in an IVA....so i would suggest you not only dont cancel christmas but have a good long discussion with your wife and help each other get it sorted so that as you enter 2009 you will have a plan that will help you both move forward...
ps...i did think a bit like wizzz...but not brave enough to post it ..!!!

[Julie]

Just saw ray's post - i tried to put it more tactfully but I do agree ray, it should be a team.

With you and Mrs Wizz married for 40yrs you're a fantastic example [:)]xx

[Abby]

i dont like christmas myself, but i would never consider cancelling it, hubby has to work all over christmas and it can be lonely and i do miss him not being around, but i make the most of it, for the rest of the family. i completely agree with ray, it is so unfair to blame one person i am sure rob you have enjoyed some of the fruits of her spending over the years, maybe its time to take stock and be more supportive.

[kallis3]

I think Christmas is too commercial theses days and can be expensive, but we still do the usual in our house, even with no spare cash! We have an artificial tree we have had for years, outside lights are not over the top and we don't go mad on presents now anyway. It was last Christmas (well my birthday actually), that hubby found out the true extent of our debts and wasn't happy, but w still had Christmas

I really don't think that treating your wife like that is going to help her, she has taken a big step in telling you what she owes. You haven't said whether or not she can afford the monthly payments. If not, she needs to speak to an IP and get advice from them as to the best way forward.

If she is rubbish with money, why don't you do the household finances? That way you would know what was coming in and going out.

[louiseh]

I seriously dislike christmas and I don't waste money on it. If you're religious then fair enough, you can celebrate it for the right reasons which don't need to cost a fortune. Otherwise its just an excuse for retailers to pull a guilt trip on people making them think that they should be spending stupid amounts of money on things that really aren't needed. Its just far too commercial and all about money.

[kallis3]

We don't spend a fortune anymore, it's all about family and this year will be us, my parents and our daughter and her boyfriend. It's just about us and no expensive presents.

I hate the fact that Christmas starts in the shops immediately after the August Bank Holiday - it's far too early. I think it should be like America - they don't do anything for Christmas until the day after Thanksgiving.

[freelili]

Hi

People spend money for all kinds of reasons, sometimes they have nothing to show for it as they are down right unhappy with life, retail therapy is one way to feel a bit better. Not a good way in the long run though, as we all know.

I feel that there are a lot worse things in life than owing a bit of money, I thank God those that love me didnt react the way you have. I was lucky, I guess, I got support and understanding. Christmas does not have to cost a fortune, it expands to the amount you give it. To give is one way to show you care but paying compliments, understanding, support and goodwill costs nothing.

[scaredkez]

xmas isn't about spending as much money as u can, its not about the presents you receive, but a time to share with family, a closeness and loving time you can share even if only once a year, its not about penalising the person you love because they have made a mistake, its a time to come together whether religious or not, how would you feel in years to come when your partner if she stays with you says hey remember when you canceled xmas because you didn't approve of my mistake? we all make mistakes be it with money or other takes in our life, talk to your partner work it out, don't take out the joy of one day in your life when everything is suppose to be merry, and a time for forgiveness.

kerri

[Wizzzard]

Well said Kez

[kal]

I was never one for Christmas when I was at home and younger (used to have awful Xmas days), but since I have my own family and a child of my own, I love it.
I have been guilty of lavashing presents and see nothing wrong with that (if you can afford it....which I quite obvioulsy couldn't at that time!).
For me for my daughter to see Father Christmas footsteps coming out our fireplace and her face when she see's her stocking and presents....that'w what makes Xmas special for me.
Like the others I think you should be helping your wife...not holding it against her....this is the time she needs you...remember your vows 'for richer, for poorer'!
k.