Advice for Ox

[bigtrouble]

Ox - you would have to be pretty unlucky for all of those things to happen to you!We all have dark days, some many more than others but as I said, keep looking at your kids and seeing them as your driving force, your strength, your reason to make it all right.

[Ox1987]

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You see the way I see it darkly is go bankrupt I lose my job and career cant pay mortgage house repossessed then homeless with 3 kids no address cant get benefits no money no food kids may not go to school in trouble neglect etc kids into care

That is my nightmare that is plaguing me day and night and the route i believe of all my stress

BT our F&F is around est 16-18p I think after fees

[bigtrouble]

There isn't a lot more any of us can say. I feel for you. It's so easy to get lost in imagining the worse case scenario. Try to live alongside your money worries and fears. Go for a walk, get some more sleep, give yourself a break. Many of us on here have felt worried and anxious and couldn't imagine our IVAs being accepted, but they were for a lot of us.It's a waiting game, I know but you are in good hands.

[Ox1987]

But can anyone disagree with my worse case scenario thats what I want to know. Could we still not have to live that

That my friends is what I am living with in my head everyday please help me rationalise it then maybe that will help

[Shining]

Everyone has tried to rationialise this for you every day Ox look at all the posts. It's you that needs to believe this, you need far more expert advice than we are able to give. Every single poster supports you in your journey to debt freedom, but as ever we are going around in circles. For us to say YES 100% your IVA will be accepted and you will live happily and healthily ever after would not be beneficial to you or other posters. Have faith in the professionals in your case Melanie, we are just people in IVA's or come through the IVA journey.

[ClareSilver]

You seriously need to look at what you're saying.

IF (and it's a big IF), you did go bankrupt, the chances are that the trustee in bankruptcy would not sell the house straight away anyway as you have dependent children - they have the power to allow you 12 months grace for you to source alternative accommodation. This is what would happen in your case. Therefore you have a whole year to get things sorted such as rented accommodation etc.

Why do you think that you can't get benefits if you don't have permanent accommodation - that's utter tosh. Plenty of people in homeless and temporary accomodation still get benefits. Your kids will not go into care.

My thoughts on this are maybe you need to stop overthinking everything - take everyday as it comes and what will be will be. There's no point thinking 'what if'. What if world war 3 starts? What if you win the lottery?

Take some time away and focus on something else, you're just screwing your head about and it's clearly not helping. Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh but that's how I see it. Nobody died, it's only money. Is that rational enough for you?

[Ox1987]

I was just trying to explain the thoughts that have been my problem really in my head and explain that is what is destroying me totally recently
Claresilver I would lose my job more than likely and not be able to pay mortgage even for that year
If I thought the council would rehouse my family as we have 3 kids and then I would do any work to feed the kids etc but would they say we made ourselves intentionally homeless.
I could stay with my parents but would be a bit crammed
Anyway I need to be positive the wife has said she worries but does nnot wake up thinking about it every miniute I need to be positive and take tiny baby steps to positivity

I just feel I'm 38 and got no future or at least I cannot see it at the moment

[ClareSilver]

No, you wouldn't be viewed as being made intentionally homeless and I'm sure your family would not see you out on the streets.

The chances of this happening are so slim anyway. Creditors do not normally get a good return in bankruptcy anyway, possibly the worse thing which could happen if the IVA wasn't approved is that a lien would be put on your property and just sit there. If the IVA isn't approved, there are always alternative debt solutions such as a DMP.

You need to stop thinking of the worse case scenario and live your life. There's no point thinking what if, life is too short. You're encompassing all of your waking hours with this 'problem' and from reading through your posts it's taking over your life.

I said before, you don't know what is round the corner. Live each day as if it's your last and enjoy your family as they are the one's who matter most. There are plenty of people in a much worse situation and getting on with it. Don't let this take over your life, it's just not worth it. It's only money, big deal, you overspent, you can't pay it back, so now you're looking for a solution to your problem which is great. Hopefully you'll find the solution you want and if you don't, there are plenty of other options, an IVA is not the be all and end all. Think about it......... and get on with your life instead of letting it take over your life. It just isn't worth it!

[Ox1987]

It has taken over my life ClareSilver and I hate it, it all stems simply for a fear of my children's future.
I try and look at the positives that I have a beautiful wife 3 lovely kids and a good job but then that fuels my anguish as I don't want that destroyed.
I posted my budget previously and that was seen as a good budget and a generous one and we have lived within in this month to a certain extent.
I am a professional that cant really go BR but if i am forced to then I will work doing anything as I am a grafter. Though the sad thing is i am getting great feedback at work even though I am a complete stress head.
I need my counselling on this, but even that is taking time and in my head i think by then 10th June we could be out on the street.

i want to recover but worry i will not I now have had the wife ask me to do something and i said what and she said be a husband and a father that made me upset i want to be that and i do love them all i am just a mess I think she may walk out on me

[greeneyes34]

I've been reading your posts over the last few weeks and was unsure whether to reply. I am not a bankruptcy or IVA expert, neither can I advise on depression but I'm going to try something anyway

Let's start here...

You go bankrupt, lose your job and have to hand back the house.

You will not be homeless, you will be rehoused by the council, or a local housing authority, or you can live with you parents. You say you will be 'a bit crammed' - how is that the same as homeless?? - which seems to be a big concern.

Next - you are now (for arguments sake) living with your parents. You claim benefits, and/or get a job - anything that brings the cash in. Your children will continue to eat and go to school.

Next - As the children are in a home environment, fed and attending school they/you will not be in trouble and therefore no-one can be accused of neglect and no-one can be taken into care.

You asked - can anyone disagree with your worse case scenario? Well I just have. I totally disagree with it - as will everyone else that has posted, or will post. Your worse case scenario cannot happen as you have friends and family that will help.

I realise that a lot of your fears stem from the depression and you are getting help with that. I am concerned that your appointment isn't till June - is there a local mental health charity that can help you in the meantime? Ask at your local Doctors surgery or try the local library for info or support groups.

I know that you will read the above, digest it, and still continue to fear your worse case scenario but maybe eventually, some of this will sink in and you will begin to think more postively.

Good luck

[Ox1987]

I just want to be happy again

I am sitting in bed shaking burning sensation over my body feel like I need to be sectioned

I feel such a bad parent for getting in this situation

I feel hopeless........

[greeneyes34]

clearly whatever medication you are on isn't working. Call the doctor and get an emergency appointment. Get them to look at what you are on, and the dosage and see if they can refer you to someone to talk to before the 10th June.

[Ox1987]

I am on 40mg Citralopram but have only had increased dose for 9 days was on 20mg
10th June was the earliest they could get and then it is a telephone assessment
I might try SANE/MIND or the samaritans but these are all 08457 numbers trying to save money

[greeneyes34]

According to the Samaritans website you can email them or call into a local branch. I don't know where you are located but if you put your postcode in, there might be one nearby. I know nothing about the medication you are on or the dosage but just sitting in bed, shaking, until the 10th June is not the right thing to do here. Ring you doctor, get the appointment and see what they say. At the very least you can say you tried!
Also - and I preface this by saying no-one wants you to leave the forum, but I feel that while the people on here can give you the benefit of their experience with IVA and Bankruptcy (and some few may have experience of depression) you may be best looking for a forum that is for people dealing with depression. They will have experience of the symptoms and may be able to advise on groups or help available in your area.
That doesn't mean you have to stop posting here but you may be able to get better advice about your mental health issues on a different type of forum.

[harrysmummy78]

Ox - you need to pick up your phone and get back in to your doctors I have been taking 40mg of my meds since Jan and I am still not 100% but I also have diazepam (low dose) to take when things are really bad. Contact MIND make the initial call and they will contact you back, I do not think all the time you are spending on this forum is helping you at all at the moment probably quite the opposite you need to get some professional help now insist that you are seen June is not good enough - is your wife aware of the level of your depression?