day after day of worry

[janez]

sorry to bother you again but i am so depressed, cant see me carrying on another 5 years like this!i feel such a failure and this iva is on my mind 24/7 whats wrong with me? my son and daughter know nothing about the iva and now its been accepted my husband dosent want to talk about it any more. i put on a smiley face when i see my family and my 3 beautiful grand children and could just cry the rest of the time.i know most of you have said it takes time to adjust but at the moment it takes all ive got to get through the day.

[kallis3]

Janez, you are not a failure!! You are addressing your debts and will be debt free a lot quicker than you would have been otherwise.

I hope your husband will support you - you do need to talk about things sometimes. My daughter and stepkids know about it but that's all.

The forum is always here for you for support, advice and a virtual shoulder.

You'll get there!!!!

[janez]

thanks kallis, my hubbys theory is we have got our iva so we have just to get on with it, suppose he is right but it is taking some getting used to with me.

[kazzafunk]

It's probably a release of all the stress prior to the IVA. You have taken the biggest step and it worked. I hope you don't mind me asking but are you depressed? I am on long term medication and it worked for me. Yes I still feel very guilty sometimes and wonder what all the debt was spent on. Then I remember most of it is probably interest over the years.

This time of year is a depressing time anyway with the nights drawing in. Your OH is right in a way. 5 years is not long in the grand scheme of things. I am getting used to not nipping out in the car for a paper or a bar of chocolate (12 mile round trip!!) and doing more in the garden and with the pets.

Don't beat yourself up for the next 5 years. You have done the right thing to get out of a horrible situation and dust yourself down and be proud of yourself for taking positive action.

[kallis3]

It does take some getting used to but I'm quite happy we have ours, as is hubby.

It enables us to get on with our lives, learn to budget and know we will be debt free and our creditors can't contact us now.

Your hubby shouldn't bottle it up though - you do need to talk about it.

[Wizzzard]

Which aspects of the IVA are causing you the most problems Janez ... maybe we can help as most of us have had worries at various times and for different things. I don't say we have all the answers but between us I reckon we have most of them [:)]

[janez]

i have feelings of not being able to cope with everyday things, i had to ring about my gas bill as it was wrong and i was shaking as i made the call, then i made a big deal (in my head) of returning a parcel to the post office to-day! my only fear of the iva is loosing my home, but suppose thats in my head as well. when i look back and think how i sorted all the iva out paperwork, phone calls, etc i cant believe i did it.(hubby wasnt much help)so why are everyday things stressing me out, when normally they wouldnt. i dread waking up in the morning.

[kallis3]

I suggest that you visit your doctor as you are stressed and obviously depressed.

You might not want to take anything but sometimes, in the short term, tablets help.

I've been there so know what it's like.

[Wizzzard]

HI Janez ... is your IVA payments manageable or are they causing you financial problems. If this is the case then you need to contact your provider to discuss your concerns. Dealing with the post office and the utility providers need to be approached slowly. I find it helps to write down what I want to say and what my expectations are. In this way I have control over the conversation.

When my IVA was passed I had small panic attacks for about 3 months until I got my head around the fact I was safe from annoying calls and nasty letters ... it can take a little time. Keep in touch , we are here to help xx

[Wizzzard]

Kali's advice is sound .... I hate Doctors which is why I never offer them as a solution unless you're bleeding copious amounts of the red stuff ...cos I hate that even more [:)]

[kallis3]

I don't mind doctors as our surgery is ace. I've been there with depression and stress in the past and they have always sorted me out.

[kazzafunk]

I have no shame in admitting I have had depression for 15 years. I still blame the anti-malarial tablets I took the year before!!

Janez I think maybe you should get some short term help with how you are feeling. I used to dread every morning but since the IVA went through I have been a lot calmer (still have my moments!!). It's going to be a long old 5 years if you feel like this hun.

[Foggy]

Hi. I would echo the advice above and have a chat with your GP. Ask if he can run through a Hospital Anxiety and Depression Scale (HADS)Test with you. Listening to what you describe I think you are possibly suffering from Anxiety as well as depression, both of which are quite normal having been through the financial wringer leading up to an IVA.

[janez]

thanks for all your replies, i am going to see how things go and try to think more positive about things,i cant believe the person i have become, no confidence etc, i even isolate myself from friends, never in my life have i been like this. so from to-day positive thinking and i will see how i get on.just got back from a 1 hour doggy walk, wet through but benji enjoyed it! (dont really want to go on tablets.)

[footiemad]

Sorry you've been feeling so bad Jane. I think the important thing is that you need to talk about the IVA as it is so good to share views, worries etc. My Husband and I talk about it every so often and I do find that this helps. Is there anyone you could trust enough to confide in? I would be more than happy to talk to you at any time either by phone, email or even meet somewhere if it would help. We are about at the same stage in our IVA's so maybe could help. Glad that you are trying to be more positive though - keep it up. Always here x