Why do people tur their noses up at us??

[vikivk]

Hi People,

I've been reading a few comments on here and I noticed that a few people have had a lot of trouble telling their friends and/or family about their bankruptcy. Why is it in this period of time that it is so hard to to accept bankruptcy?? Everyone knows about the debt crisis and how it's so easy for people to fall into this trap but they can't accept people who try to find a way out!! I know bankruptcy isn't the most glamourous thing I have ever done but it's the best thing I've ever done for many reasons. I was lucky that my friends didn't judge me & my parents gave me support but half my family don't know because of their snobbery. It just annoys me that we cannot be totally free to some people because of how they react. I'm not bothered if people find out about me, I was young and naive but I have managed to turn my life around. what is wrong with that?? I'm sorry if I have rambled on and I hope I haven't offended anyone but I just have to get it off my chest as it's the one thing that's always bothered me since I went bankrupt.

[andrewgoodman121]

i totally agree with you, some people are old fashioned and look at it as though you are some sort of Stain on Life.
What about people who Defraud Benefits and People that are maybe Gay who are Frowned Upon
in the old days but now is quite open and acceptable and no one cares who they are.
Everyboby is Not Perfect!! and we all have that something in our lives which has been Swept under the Rug!!.
There are millions and millions of people out there struggling with Personal Debt and it is Now a Common Thing in Todays Society.

[vikivk]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I feel so bad for the people I have seen write about how their supposed friends have told everyone or their family won't accept it. There are far worse things people have done in this world. I totally respect people who like to keep things to themselves. Of course it is a personal private thing but for people who are just basically relieved to have their debts sorted, cannot share this relief with close ones because they are scared of what reactions they face. I know how these people feel, I've still got to be careful with what I say to family because they don't know. Not even my brother because as much as my dad was supportive to me, he still thinks it's a bad thing and shameful to our family so told me to keep quiet. It's just not right.

[sblack]

Hi,
I think work can come into this also. Alot of peoples jobs would be in danger if it all became public knowledge, it is not all about family and friends.

[animaleyes76]

This is sooooooooo true. The irony is that half the people making these comments are in a similar situation with their plastic friends but think they are still in control. It makes them feel better to see people that they see as "failing". The irony is we are the people that have actually taken control of our lives. Let them be judgemental, let them take 60 years to pay their credit cards off.

THe way i see life if... If someone likes me then great, if they judge me for something as stupid as making one mistake despite my other qualities then frankly i'm glad i'm no longer friends with them whether it be my choice or theirs. i don't really want to swear on here cos i don't think i'm allowed to. All i'm gonna say is if people judge you on this alone.. then... f**k them.. IVA on BR is defintely a way sometimes to find out who your friends really are

My father is part of the old school kinda dad lol, i got bought up to always pay back what i borrowed, hence IVA rather than BR. Even he said quote "it's probably the best thing you have ever done" as i'm trying my best to make amends an not make the same mistakes.

This forum is great for the same reasons, people don't judge, they understand. If anyone judges you for one mistake.. well... i think i've already said it.

Everyone is allowed a mistake or two..It's whether you learn from it (i have).

Some people are just like that.. Personally i avoid them like the plague.

I'm rambling so i'll shut up.

Summary, if anyoen tries to put you down becuase of your debt mistake situation then they aren't worth knowing. It can very easily happen to anyone.

[chris.g]

The most appropriate saying here is....'people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones'.
How many of these people who judge and condemn are actually in the same situation as we all were a while ago until things went wrong? Probably 95% of them!
My parent's always saved for what they wanted and didn't buy what they couldn't afford. The thing is today's social acceptance of credit is entirely different to then. We have become desensitised to having credit and it is expected that all of us can manage it. Do any of us really understand the enormity of it all?? I don't think so until we are in a position where we can't manage it any longer and we all know where that ends up.....
I have been choosy who I have told about our br but have been lucky that our families have not judged. However, my opinion is very much like animaleyes76, if they can't accept you and your money mistakes, they are not really friends and you're better off without them.....
There are very much worse things in life to be than a debtor who can't pay their creditors........
xx

[vikivk]

Yes it can affect work too and I was lucky enough that my boss and collegues were fine with it, some of them are in similar situations so understood. It just really annoys me when people judge you for this and I'm glad I'm not the only one who is a bit pee'd off.

[kallis3]

I wouldn't dare speak about my situation to people at work. Money is something that is talked about a lot in my office. A couple of the people in there are relatively well off (one lives in a £500,00+ house.) One of the other people I work with has been even more frivolous with his spending than me! He makes no bones about the fact that he has a mega large mortgage (about £1300 per month), six kids, and doesn't earn a vast amount of money. How he manages, no one knows, but he is always the topic of conversation in the office as to how he manages. I certainly wouldn't want to be talked about like that. As far as I am concerned, my finances are my business and if I can keep them that way, so much the better

[Shining]

I agree with Kallis my finances are my business, I enjoy the fact I can come on here and talk to people who understand my situation but I know my friends and family wouldn't understand, so best kept between hubby and I.
Through the insolvency register I noticed a good friend of mine on there that obviously also believes that her business is her business but eh ho...we have more in common than she thinks!

[kallis3]

Yes it is great to come on here and share your problems, makes you feel a whole lot better.

I think it is wrong that anyone can go and look at the Insolvency Register, and I have signed Andy's petition to that effect.

As for telling my family of my problems,I would rather walk across hot coals! My step children know as they are both in DMP (doesn't say much for how they were brought up does it?)but if I told my parents I think I would find them both swinging from the rafters!

[vikivk]

I completly respect people who keep it to themselves. It's great we have this forum to open up and not be judged. I didn't know about this until after I went BR though so had to talk to friends. At least three other collegues of mine have gone BR too so in our little work place we have a lot of support. I just hope one day that people will be less judgemental.

[kallis3]

I too am glad I found this forum. Found it by accident as well as I was looking for anything to do with Mercers (don't get me started again on those, they are subject of other posts!). Have found this very useful both in having answers to obscure questions, and the backing of people in the same position.

There are times I find myself wanting to tell someone at work about a funny posting, but stop myself in time! They just wouldn't understand.