whats wrong with me?

[Lula]

Firstly I am sorry, sorry for this rant and this moan. I feel even more sorry that the only place i can rant is on a forum where no one knows my identity!
I post on the forum a lot , and i ma in my IVA, and have been for 9 months, i think it was the best decision i could ahve made at the time .
But i am throughly fed up, fed up of making excuses to friends and family to get out of events because i cant afford it, fed up of the panic i feel at the check out in shops in case i dont have enough cash in my purse. Fed up that all my friends seem to have these "Perfect lifes" they all get to buy houses and have children. I am too petrified to dream that one day that could be me because i feel like the biggest failure, the biggest idiot for running up such a high debt £36k at 27 years old.

I cant tell anyone my situation becasue i am ashamed only my boyfriend and best mate know and i dont think they really understand it! ... I dont even know why my boyfriend sticks around.

I have a good job but i dont have any motivation to try for promotion because i have to put 50% of any increase into my IVA (i accept this is fair and right!..its just how i feel its not rational)

I know worst things happen to people and I should be grateful its not life or death, but at this moment to be honest not being here would suit me fine!

I know that if i wasnt in an IVA life would be a whole lot worst and i dont regret being in one... But its soo hard.

Lula

[hara]

I do not think you should feel so hard on yourself.

I strongly advice you to motivate for promotion,even if you have to giv 50%.

It is important to remeber that IVA does not last for ever and all income will be yours to keep.

I am glad your boyfriend is understanding.

THINK POSITIVE.

Hara.

[mish1953]

rant & rave away Lula , we all need somewhere to havea good shout now & then.

Im old(ish) nearly 54 and feel the same way sometimes ... a friend of mine .. who know that Im BR has a 250000K house, 2 2cars, harley , member of posh golf club, and his wife has just had a baby.. he had a pop at me about going BR ... then we had a chat about his amount of debt... he went pure white.. he hadnt really though about it before , he's managing to make the monthly paymenst but only just ... he doesnt think about how much debt he has only how much he pays a month .. i guess i used to do that too but not any more.

You sound like a nice lassie .. try for promotion .. ok so you only get 50% but thats got to be better than a kick in the bum ! and in the long term you will have it all .. and youve got your head screwd on ..

Mish

[aguise]

Hi lula
You have a good moan if you want, we all have times like that, I do frequently. As Mish says a lot of these who you feel have it better than you probably have the debt to go with it.
You are heading in the right direction they may be going the wrong way.
As for the promotion I have to agree with the others go for it it will be to your advantage. My hubby does loads of overtime and it gives you a few of those extras. At least its not all going to the bills which it did before our iva. Promotion go for because it may not be there at the end and when your iva finishes look at all the extra you will have.

I know its difficult its natural to feel low at times, my answer to feeling like that is to think of all those so much more worse off than myself and then I start to think the other way of how lucky I am.

Ang x


Please visit my blog at http://aguise.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[Lula]

Thanks for your nice words. I still feel like the lowest of the low...hopefully it will pass.

i will go for the promotion at work, at least its all experience..

[Adam Davies]

Lula
In just over 4 years you will be debt free and i do understand how tough it is especially when you are young and your friends are all going out.
Throw yourself into work because when you finally finish your IVA you will be in a great position.
Many people "seem "to have a perfect life but behind closed doors have the same problems and concerns that we all do.
An IVA is hard but the end result makes it all worth while,and remember if it was easy half the population would be trying to do one.
Keep smiling
Regards

Andy Davie
IVA.co.uk Spokesperson

About me:
http://www.iva.co.uk/andy_davie_profile.asp

IVA Helpline: 0800 197 4838
http://www.iva.co.uk/iva_helpline.asp

[Dominic]

Andie is right, i bet some of your freinds who are going out all the time are racking up debts on CCs ods and loans.

[Lula]

thanks everyone.

[hara]

Lula,

What you have to remember is that there is a lt of life to enjoy for you post IVA, as I gather you are young.

For people like I,I am 59,there was not a life before and not much life left after post IVA.

hara

[Skippy]

Oh Hara, don't talk like that - 59 isn't old. I'm going to my great aunt's 100th birthday party in October (God willing) - people are living a lot longer these days, and there is no reason that you cannot do the things you want to after your IVA - age isn't a barrier any more.

Lula, I understand what you mean, but like the others have said you will be debt free in 5 years - how many of your friends will be able to say that? I find it hard sometimes when the girls at work are going out and I have to say no, but they are all up to their eyes in debt, whereas the money I have is my own.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is the present - a gift to make the most of.

View my blog at http://skippy13.blogs.iva.co.uk/

[hara]

What I was alluding to was that people like I will be almost coming to retirement and would not have the same net income coming in. Hence would be finacially constrained though free of iron ball and cahin of IVA.

hara.

[lily]

Lula

Being so young, you will have a brand new life after the IVA ends, I know it feels really lonley at the moment but you are certainly not alone.

I used to have to make excuses for not going on family do's etc and my family were getting quite fed up and thought I was being snotty!!!!! In the end I confessed, I was scared, to tell my mom (I am more than ten years older than you) and I just said for heavens sake, I have a lot more to worry about than where my next top is coming from, I am in such a mess, I dont even want to be here. I never meant to tell her like that but it really was the best thing I ever did as my family were very understanding and they rallied to help.

I had read about other people on the forum coming clean but I thought, there is no way I can but I was realy suprised at how they took it. My mom wasnt brilliant at first (the way I told her, me thinks) but she said whatever youre suffering, I dont want you to do it alone and I want to help.

Have a good think at consider the possibility of telling your family, at the end of the day we all make mistakes, you are facing up to yours and should be proud, not ashamed.

I wish you the very best.




lily

[lily]

Hara

I can understand what you are trying to say, I consider myself lucky to be going through all of this now. However, I was talking to my aunty and she said, retiring is a blessing, its famtastic, I am so enjoying it all. Life does not end when youre old enough to retire, it begins when youre young enough to have been there, done that and got the T shirt. I love my aunty, she is the buisness.

lily

[hara]

Lily,

What I was trying to say is that with substantial amount of mortgage to pay and two children going to uni soon after I retire,whether I will have enough mone to pay for all that.

On a brighter note I do not have to worry about unsecured debts.

Hara.

[Lula]

Thank you, i am feeling abit brighter, it is lonely.. but i find dipping into this forum community really helps.

Lily i am glad it worked out for you telling your family, but this is no way an option for me... to long and complicated to explain but i cant let them down.